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My cat HATES my fiance...

post #1 of 13
Thread Starter 
My cat has always been a bit on the easily scared/aggressive side- even as a kitten when i first found her and her litter. I dont know why - but she generally seems to hate men - especially my fiance.
Around my father, shes just really cautious and easily scared, but around my Fiance - he merely walks into the house and its suddenly like she feels a disturbance in the force. She'll start growling and immediatly hides away. If he goes anywhere near her she growls and hisses - her ears go all the way back her eyes get all huge, and recently she even ran up to him as if to attack/defend her self from him - he didnt even do anything to her! And its like this EVERY time he's around!

I dont know what to do or how to fix this, obviously its gonna be a problem when I'm married and living with him everyday. I'm completely open to suggestions! Please Help!
post #2 of 13
It may take some time, but I think she'll come to realize after living with him that he's not going to hurt her. My mother's cat isn't very fond of me for some unknown reason, unless of course he wants me to give him treats... then he's my best friend. He's always been very anxious whereas his sister, my cat, is extremely loving & friendly. I also think he has an Oedipus complex with my mom.

She may never be buddies with your fiancé, but over time, she'll stop freaking out. Have him give her food, treats, & try to play with her with a string or something...
post #3 of 13
I know it sounds silly, but sometimes dogs and cats have a 6th sense about people that we don't detect. I'd look very hard at your relationship to this man. Is there ANY kind of hidden abuse - verbal, emotional, physical that you have seen any sign of?
post #4 of 13
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoldenKitty45 View Post
I know it sounds silly, but sometimes dogs and cats have a 6th sense about people that we don't detect. I'd look very hard at your relationship to this man. Is there ANY kind of hidden abuse - verbal, emotional, physical that you have seen any sign of?
I thought the same thing at first... but the way she described, the cat is overall uncomfortable around any male.
post #5 of 13
True, and maybe nothing is wrong, but its worth really considering and looking for hidden signs. I wish I had paid a little more attention to my cats reactions to my first husband! He turned out to be abusive to me and some to our son (verbal/emotional). The cats were somewhat wary around him - not overly friendly.
post #6 of 13
I think she will get used to him once you live together and he is always around.
post #7 of 13
Our first cat was always skittish around men, except for me. If I put a hat on, he would really be wary. If I picked up a broom, he would scatter and hide.

We figure he was beaten with a broom by a man wearing a hat.

But your cat may be able to hear something about him that she doesn't like. Or smell it.
post #8 of 13
One tip that might be worth trying - if your fiance wears clunky shoes or boots inside (especially with outside smells on them) as him to please leave them at the door - it helped with one of ours.
post #9 of 13
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoldenKitty45 View Post
I know it sounds silly, but sometimes dogs and cats have a 6th sense about people that we don't detect. I'd look very hard at your relationship to this man. Is there ANY kind of hidden abuse - verbal, emotional, physical that you have seen any sign of?

I do tottally agree with animals having a sense of things. My fiance, James, is a good man, He would never hurt me, or my cat. He has never done anything physicly, verbally, or emotionally to hurt me. If he did - I SOOO would not be marrying him. My cat has just always been particullarly fussy with men. Doesnt matter who they are, how old they are ( cuz she's not a big fan of my little nephew either and he's totally harmless) she just does not want anything to do with them. Which is fine by me, I understand that cats are picky like that so i dont expect her to be all buddy buddy with my future husband - i just afraid at the rate its going she's just gonna snap at him one of these days.

I dont think she was abused as a kitten either- she and her little siblings were found in a trailer of garbage on my fiances' property. When we first found them - they were too young to be away from their mother, and thus all of them had the bizarre habbit of sucking on things...LOL one of them i gave to my niece and the poor cat gave her a hicky! it was hilarious!

Larke - I think you might be on to something there, My father wears work shoes and walks heavy on the floors, my fiance is a commercial plumber - so yeah he does it too. Though i'm not sure it would make that big of a difference in her attitude, I'll definately give it a try next time my FH is home!
post #10 of 13
I have nothing to add to this, but just wanted to say that your thread title cracked me up.

(and I hope your cat doesn't know something that you don't )
post #11 of 13
From what I've read, removing the big heavy shoes would probably help; also, is your fiance's voice particularly loud or booming? Cats react better to higher, softer voices - so not only do we have the poor guy taking his shoes out, but speaking in baby talk around the cat.

Also, if your fiance can just sit quietly in a room where the cat is, maybe just reading the paper out loud to himself, that may help kitty get used to him and his voice. And, if he'll feed the kitty or offer treats, that may go a long way. I suspect your kitty truly was scared by a male human way back, and is still carrying the memory.

And, sincerely, take a good long hard look at this guy, especially if he hedges at trying to make friends with your cat. I really do think animals have a better sense about 'bad' people than most of us do.
post #12 of 13
My ex's hidden "qualities" were not shown at first. Nothing abusive with animals. It was AFTER marriage that I found out he got mad at his 1st wife's cat sitting in a bowl on the coffee table and picked the cat up and threw it across the room and hit the wall!

I told him after hearing that story that if he EVER hit or touched my cats that way HE would be out the door. Now I go more on the reactions of the cats around a person for any first clues!
post #13 of 13
If your kitty is having a problem with men and it's not something instinctual about your fiancee, this may help.

Have him get a couple of t-shirts he's willing to give up really good and sweaty. Put one under her food dish. Twice a day at the same time every day (if possible), put treats down for her on the other t-shirt. Over time, this may help her come to associate his scent with things that she loves, which may help her warm up to him.

Laurie
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