I need advise

catkiki

TCS Member
Thread starter
Top Cat
Joined
Aug 17, 2005
Messages
4,591
Purraise
66
Location
Somewhere in the US
OK we haven't told DH's parents about the kittens since they do not like cats. Until today..... They are coming to town tomorrow and we thought it best to let them know. To put it bluntly, his mom kinda freaked out a bit. She was saying how can you afford it and what about the extra rent. I did NOT tell her that we haven't told the manager that we have kitties yet. She would REALLY blow a gasket then.

I told her that there is no odor in the apartment since DH scoops the litter box at least 4 times a day and the waste is put in a sealed container. (an empty litter container) She seems to think that we shouldn't have our babies but it is OK for DH's brother to have a HUGE dog, a smaller dog and 3 rabbits in their house. We don't have kids and the kitties keep DH company while I am working. (DH is disabled). They seem to think we shouldn't have pets in a 1 br apartment.

How should I handle when they come tomorrow? They think they are cute but extravagant. They really are not that much. That is what I told her anyway. We didn't tell them for exactly this reason. Even though we are in our 50's, they try to tell us how to live. What should I say?

Thanks for all your help

Meda
 

going nova

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Jan 31, 2008
Messages
1,951
Purraise
12
Originally Posted by Catkiki

OK we haven't told DH's parents about the kittens since they do not like cats. Until today..... They are coming to town tomorrow and we thought it best to let them know. To put it bluntly, his mom kinda freaked out a bit. She was saying how can you afford it and what about the extra rent. I did NOT tell her that we haven't told the manager that we have kitties yet. She would REALLY blow a gasket then.

I told her that there is no odor in the apartment since DH scoops the litterbox at least 4 times a day and the waste is put in a sealed container. (an empty litter container) She seems to think that we shouldn't have our babies but it is OK for DH's brother to have a HUGE dog, a smaller dog and 3 rabbits in their house. We don't have kids and the kitties keep DH company while I am working. (DH is disabled). They seem to think we shouldn't have pets in a 1 br apartment.

How should I handle when they come tomorrow? They think they are cute but extravagant. They really are not that much. That is what I told her anyway. We didn't tell them for exactly this reason. Even though we are in our 50's, they try to tell us how to live. What should I say?

Thanks for all your help

Meda
Wow. I would let DH tell his parents that their concern is appreciated but not necessary, and let him assert that you both have decided to keep the cats, are fully aware of the responsibilities involved, and are able to care for them properly. (Without knowing the nature of your DHs disability, she may be concerned that his caring for them is a burden on him? I think it would help to let them know that DH enjoys caring for the kittens and they make him happy.)

Since you probably want to stay on good terms with them, let DH deal with them and do your best to ignore their criticisms.

I'm in my mid-20s, and my mother was like your DHs when I told her I had a cat. (I also live in a 1 bedroom with my SO, two turtles, one lizard, and one hermit crab.) I gently told her that I was aware of the costs and responsibilities, but caring for a cat is rewarding to me, I can afford it, and the payoff is greater than the cost. I haven't heard any objections from her since.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #5

catkiki

TCS Member
Thread starter
Top Cat
Joined
Aug 17, 2005
Messages
4,591
Purraise
66
Location
Somewhere in the US
The kittens keep DH company and he really enjoys them a lot. They know we will not give them up. They just like to control us... LOL it hasn't worked in the almost 29 yrs we have been married. We try to ignore them but as they are in their 80's and do not like cats at all, they can be trying. Even though DH is the oldest, they have always favored his brother, and have not always liked me. It has just been the past couple of years that they have started liking me, but then I think it has been because I have stood by DH throughout his illness. It is mental illness, (a form of agoraphobia) which is why taking care of the cats is so good for him. He can't go out without me, and taking care of them keeps him occupied. They probably have the cleanest litter box around.
They will "hold it" until he cleans it, if it is the slightest bit dirty. I know a lot of women would have left before dealing with his illness but I took my vows very seriously.
 

capt_jordi

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Jul 31, 2007
Messages
2,777
Purraise
13
Location
Knoxville, TN
Just nicely tell them that the kitties bring a lot of joy into your life and you can handle the cost and responsibilities for the reward of having a pet that is happy to see you and will love you unconditionally (well...unless they dont get fed on time then expect to have some angry faces
)
Or just smile and ignore anything they say about them.
 

calico2222

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Dec 9, 2004
Messages
7,731
Purraise
41
Location
Over the river and through the woods...
Parents never change, do they, no matter how old you are. I don't understand if they accept the 4 dogs and 3 rabbits your BIL has, why they would have a problem with the kittens. But, some people just don't like cats, and that could be because they have never really been around them.

I would suggest just introducing them to the kitties and let it go at that. If they like them, they like them..if they don't then that's their loss. Don't get defensive or try to force them to interact. If they say things derogatory, ignore it. It if gets bad, simply state this is "Our" home and they are part of the family. It may be best if your husband handles that though.

Could they possibly be allergic to cats?
 

swampwitch

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Sep 30, 2006
Messages
7,753
Purraise
158
Location
Tall Trees & Cold Seas Vancouver Island
Gosh, it's your life. Personally, I would tell them it's really time to mind their own business, but that's just me, and I don't care if I alienate people who won't let me live my life. Tell them that the kitties help with stress and that saves on medical expenses. Good luck, I hope it goes okay!
 

strange_wings

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Dec 20, 2006
Messages
13,498
Purraise
39
Make sure to straighten it out with the apartment manager soon. Were something to happen to get the two of you in trouble for not telling them about the cats, and were the in-laws to find out they would probably make sure to remind you of the issue later... any time they could.

One bedroom isn't an issue, were it one room -then it would be too small. Cats make do and are happy as long as all their needs are met.

My FIL doesn't like cats, or really any animals, but knows better then to say too much. Both DH and I are very defensive of all our pets (all 22 of them...).


I agree with everyone else, straight up tell them both to mind their own business. What will they do? Disown their son and turn on you because you wish the matter left alone? Surely no one is that silly. It sounds like the cats are great for your husband! He misses so much already, having a pet shouldn't be something else he must give up. Does he deal with depression at all? (if you don't mind me asking) So many people, even on this site do, and can tell you how much their pets help them.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #10

catkiki

TCS Member
Thread starter
Top Cat
Joined
Aug 17, 2005
Messages
4,591
Purraise
66
Location
Somewhere in the US
Well, I just got a message from my MIL and I guess "something" came up and they are not coming. I would hate to believe that they could be so childish not to come because of our kitties, but who knows. For some reason, the cell phone didn't ring and it went directly to my voice mail.

Since we moved to this apartment, DH hasn't really been depressed. Before we lost the house, he was always depressed. We waited 4 month after we moved to get our girls. When we get that stimulus pmt from the government, we will get them spayed as they are almost 5 months old now.
 

mews2much

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Nov 19, 2007
Messages
13,424
Purraise
27
Location
Central Valley,California
My Granparents hated the pets and we would luck them up when they came over. When i got older I said why should my Cats be locked up and the Dog so we stopped locking them in another one. My Grandma tried to hit with her Cane and told them to scat. My mom got mad and said if you dont like it do not come over. Before my grandma died she was on a waiting list for a seeing eye Dog because she was lagally blind.
 

natalie_ca

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Jul 2, 2006
Messages
21,136
Purraise
223
Location
Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada
Originally Posted by Going Nova

Wow. I would let DH tell his parents that their concern is appreciated but not necessary, and let him assert that you both have decided to keep the cats, are fully aware of the responsibilities involved, and are able to care for them properly. (Without knowing the nature of your DHs disability, she may be concerned that his caring for them is a burden on him? I think it would help to let them know that DH enjoys caring for the kittens and they make him happy.)

Since you probably want to stay on good terms with them, let DH deal with them and do your best to ignore their criticisms.
Exactly. It's your life. You're both adults.

However, I would suggest telling your landlord because if you don't you may find yourself out on the street with your inlaws saying "I told you so!"
 

joyzerelly

TCS Member
Adult Cat
Joined
Apr 11, 2008
Messages
109
Purraise
1
Location
Bogor, Indonesia
I would tell them very politely and with maturity that this is your home and your lives and that the kittens make you both happy, so thats the way it is, get used to it! Good luck and don't ever take any crap from your mother in law! It's a slippery slope...
 

krazy kat2

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Sep 14, 2001
Messages
8,085
Purraise
41
Location
Somewhere in Georgia
I do not know where you live, but in some places you can get a doctor's note if the animals are therapeutic for a patient with some kinds of medical issues. Here there are special areas of housing that allow pets that are therapeutic. I think it may be some kind of test, but whatever it is, I hear it seems to be working out well for those poor folks that sometimes have only their pets for company. I would love to be able to find out if there is some kind of volunteer work that can be done for them, dog walking, cat grooming, food donations, whatever can be done. I am currently unemployed, so I will have more time to look in to it. It might be something to check in to.
It is a shame that his parents will let a few little kitties set the tone for their relationship with their son. I had a very controlling mother, so I can understand a little bit about it, and it can really hurt your feelings, at whatever age. They are the ones that are missing out, though. My mother had the "my way or nothing" attitude right up until the day she died, and it did nothing to endear her to her children.
 

rescuecatsrule

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Oct 6, 2007
Messages
1,258
Purraise
1
Location
East Yorkshire
I'd let your landlord know about the cats.

Also tell your in laws they can like the cats or lump them (or in other words they can like them or at the very least tolerate them. If they don't want to tolerate them, then they can't come over.)
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #16

catkiki

TCS Member
Thread starter
Top Cat
Joined
Aug 17, 2005
Messages
4,591
Purraise
66
Location
Somewhere in the US
This is a pet friendly complex that allows cats. I just haven't gotten around to telling them yet.
 
Top