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I need advise

post #1 of 16
Thread Starter 
OK we haven't told DH's parents about the kittens since they do not like cats. Until today..... They are coming to town tomorrow and we thought it best to let them know. To put it bluntly, his mom kinda freaked out a bit. She was saying how can you afford it and what about the extra rent. I did NOT tell her that we haven't told the manager that we have kitties yet. She would REALLY blow a gasket then.

I told her that there is no odor in the apartment since DH scoops the litter box at least 4 times a day and the waste is put in a sealed container. (an empty litter container) She seems to think that we shouldn't have our babies but it is OK for DH's brother to have a HUGE dog, a smaller dog and 3 rabbits in their house. We don't have kids and the kitties keep DH company while I am working. (DH is disabled). They seem to think we shouldn't have pets in a 1 br apartment.

How should I handle when they come tomorrow? They think they are cute but extravagant. They really are not that much. That is what I told her anyway. We didn't tell them for exactly this reason. Even though we are in our 50's, they try to tell us how to live. What should I say?

Thanks for all your help

Meda
post #2 of 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by Catkiki View Post
OK we haven't told DH's parents about the kittens since they do not like cats. Until today..... They are coming to town tomorrow and we thought it best to let them know. To put it bluntly, his mom kinda freaked out a bit. She was saying how can you afford it and what about the extra rent. I did NOT tell her that we haven't told the manager that we have kitties yet. She would REALLY blow a gasket then.

I told her that there is no odor in the apartment since DH scoops the litterbox at least 4 times a day and the waste is put in a sealed container. (an empty litter container) She seems to think that we shouldn't have our babies but it is OK for DH's brother to have a HUGE dog, a smaller dog and 3 rabbits in their house. We don't have kids and the kitties keep DH company while I am working. (DH is disabled). They seem to think we shouldn't have pets in a 1 br apartment.

How should I handle when they come tomorrow? They think they are cute but extravagant. They really are not that much. That is what I told her anyway. We didn't tell them for exactly this reason. Even though we are in our 50's, they try to tell us how to live. What should I say?

Thanks for all your help

Meda
Wow. I would let DH tell his parents that their concern is appreciated but not necessary, and let him assert that you both have decided to keep the cats, are fully aware of the responsibilities involved, and are able to care for them properly. (Without knowing the nature of your DHs disability, she may be concerned that his caring for them is a burden on him? I think it would help to let them know that DH enjoys caring for the kittens and they make him happy.)

Since you probably want to stay on good terms with them, let DH deal with them and do your best to ignore their criticisms.

I'm in my mid-20s, and my mother was like your DHs when I told her I had a cat. (I also live in a 1 bedroom with my SO, two turtles, one lizard, and one hermit crab.) I gently told her that I was aware of the costs and responsibilities, but caring for a cat is rewarding to me, I can afford it, and the payoff is greater than the cost. I haven't heard any objections from her since.
post #3 of 16
Tell them straight to mind their own business, it's your place not theirs and your not kids to get dictated to
post #4 of 16
I'm with Susan.
post #5 of 16
Thread Starter 
The kittens keep DH company and he really enjoys them a lot. They know we will not give them up. They just like to control us... LOL it hasn't worked in the almost 29 yrs we have been married. We try to ignore them but as they are in their 80's and do not like cats at all, they can be trying. Even though DH is the oldest, they have always favored his brother, and have not always liked me. It has just been the past couple of years that they have started liking me, but then I think it has been because I have stood by DH throughout his illness. It is mental illness, (a form of agoraphobia) which is why taking care of the cats is so good for him. He can't go out without me, and taking care of them keeps him occupied. They probably have the cleanest litter box around. They will "hold it" until he cleans it, if it is the slightest bit dirty. I know a lot of women would have left before dealing with his illness but I took my vows very seriously.
post #6 of 16
Just nicely tell them that the kitties bring a lot of joy into your life and you can handle the cost and responsibilities for the reward of having a pet that is happy to see you and will love you unconditionally (well...unless they dont get fed on time then expect to have some angry faces )
Or just smile and ignore anything they say about them.
post #7 of 16
Parents never change, do they, no matter how old you are. I don't understand if they accept the 4 dogs and 3 rabbits your BIL has, why they would have a problem with the kittens. But, some people just don't like cats, and that could be because they have never really been around them.

I would suggest just introducing them to the kitties and let it go at that. If they like them, they like them..if they don't then that's their loss. Don't get defensive or try to force them to interact. If they say things derogatory, ignore it. It if gets bad, simply state this is "Our" home and they are part of the family. It may be best if your husband handles that though.

Could they possibly be allergic to cats?
post #8 of 16
Gosh, it's your life. Personally, I would tell them it's really time to mind their own business, but that's just me, and I don't care if I alienate people who won't let me live my life. Tell them that the kitties help with stress and that saves on medical expenses. Good luck, I hope it goes okay!
post #9 of 16
Make sure to straighten it out with the apartment manager soon. Were something to happen to get the two of you in trouble for not telling them about the cats, and were the in-laws to find out they would probably make sure to remind you of the issue later... any time they could.
One bedroom isn't an issue, were it one room -then it would be too small. Cats make do and are happy as long as all their needs are met.

My FIL doesn't like cats, or really any animals, but knows better then to say too much. Both DH and I are very defensive of all our pets (all 22 of them...).

I agree with everyone else, straight up tell them both to mind their own business. What will they do? Disown their son and turn on you because you wish the matter left alone? Surely no one is that silly. It sounds like the cats are great for your husband! He misses so much already, having a pet shouldn't be something else he must give up. Does he deal with depression at all? (if you don't mind me asking) So many people, even on this site do, and can tell you how much their pets help them.
post #10 of 16
Thread Starter 
Well, I just got a message from my MIL and I guess "something" came up and they are not coming. I would hate to believe that they could be so childish not to come because of our kitties, but who knows. For some reason, the cell phone didn't ring and it went directly to my voice mail.

Since we moved to this apartment, DH hasn't really been depressed. Before we lost the house, he was always depressed. We waited 4 month after we moved to get our girls. When we get that stimulus pmt from the government, we will get them spayed as they are almost 5 months old now.
post #11 of 16
My Granparents hated the pets and we would luck them up when they came over. When i got older I said why should my Cats be locked up and the Dog so we stopped locking them in another one. My Grandma tried to hit with her Cane and told them to scat. My mom got mad and said if you dont like it do not come over. Before my grandma died she was on a waiting list for a seeing eye Dog because she was lagally blind.
post #12 of 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by Going Nova View Post
Wow. I would let DH tell his parents that their concern is appreciated but not necessary, and let him assert that you both have decided to keep the cats, are fully aware of the responsibilities involved, and are able to care for them properly. (Without knowing the nature of your DHs disability, she may be concerned that his caring for them is a burden on him? I think it would help to let them know that DH enjoys caring for the kittens and they make him happy.)

Since you probably want to stay on good terms with them, let DH deal with them and do your best to ignore their criticisms.
Exactly. It's your life. You're both adults.

However, I would suggest telling your landlord because if you don't you may find yourself out on the street with your inlaws saying "I told you so!"
post #13 of 16
I would tell them very politely and with maturity that this is your home and your lives and that the kittens make you both happy, so thats the way it is, get used to it! Good luck and don't ever take any crap from your mother in law! It's a slippery slope...
post #14 of 16
I do not know where you live, but in some places you can get a doctor's note if the animals are therapeutic for a patient with some kinds of medical issues. Here there are special areas of housing that allow pets that are therapeutic. I think it may be some kind of test, but whatever it is, I hear it seems to be working out well for those poor folks that sometimes have only their pets for company. I would love to be able to find out if there is some kind of volunteer work that can be done for them, dog walking, cat grooming, food donations, whatever can be done. I am currently unemployed, so I will have more time to look in to it. It might be something to check in to.
It is a shame that his parents will let a few little kitties set the tone for their relationship with their son. I had a very controlling mother, so I can understand a little bit about it, and it can really hurt your feelings, at whatever age. They are the ones that are missing out, though. My mother had the "my way or nothing" attitude right up until the day she died, and it did nothing to endear her to her children.
post #15 of 16
I'd let your landlord know about the cats.

Also tell your in laws they can like the cats or lump them (or in other words they can like them or at the very least tolerate them. If they don't want to tolerate them, then they can't come over.)
post #16 of 16
Thread Starter 
This is a pet friendly complex that allows cats. I just haven't gotten around to telling them yet.
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