Sorry: Venting about relationship

baloneysmom

baloneysmom

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I hate to get personal online but I am so mad and have no one to talk to. I donâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t really have any friends since I moved far from home, and my family is hard to get a hold of.
This is a boyfriend issue that I really need to vent. If Iâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]m in the wrong please be blunt, Iâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]m always up for constructive criticism.

Last night I needed to pay someone some cash and I remembered I left some on my dresser. When I went to go get it, it was missing, it was only $7.00 so I didnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t panic too much. I asked my boyfriend if he had seen it and he said he took it to buy me breakfast on Saturday. First off, from what I remember he played Mr. Sweetie boyfriend being all nice and buying me breakfast… Ok so I can laugh at the “dumb male†version of romance but what I canâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t get over was the fact that he took money without asking. I am going to school in Sept and with my admission payment and my rabies shot I have 50$ spending money for two weeks … well make that 43$, plus I need to buy cat food and litter. That 7 dollars was my breakfast money for the week.

I mentioned this to him and asked him if he could please ASK me if he could take my money next time and he got all pissed, laughed at me while shaking his head like I was the idiot… I now can not eat breakfast for a week and he laughing at me? He started yelling at me (cant say I didnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t yell back) calling me anal retentive, that it was only 7$ and he couldnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t believe I would be upset over this. I feel like now I can never leave cash around without it being safe since hes done this before with the food money we keep out.

I donâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t care if its 5$ or 1,000$ its my money, I work hard for it. He makes twice as much as me and we do everything 50/50. I am so angry right now… and hungry!

Iâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]m not cheap, donâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t get me wrong. I mean it was my birthday weekend and I spent the same amount as my boyfriend did to celebrate. I usually pay more for our weekly grocery because I told him it would only be 50$ a week but its usually more. I pay all the vet/cat food/cat toy. I usually buy all the extras we need in the house (soaps, shampoos, toothpaste etc) along with the fact that I do 90% of all household chores. So im not cheap, to me itâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s a matter of principle and respect and he laughed at me and tried to make me look like a fool.

I just feel so tired… and disappointed I guess.
 
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goldenkitty45

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Your bf is in the wrong and is not respecting you or your money. DH and I ALWAYS ask if we need to borrow from each other. Neither one of us just takes money without the other knowing.

Also if he borrowed the $7, he should rightfully give you back the $7. If you guys are fighting over money (no matter what the amount is) you will have some serious problems in the future if its not addressed now.
 
natalie_ca

natalie_ca

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Sounds to me like he is taking advantage of you.

You guys live together. He makes double what you do, yet you seem to be paying the lion's share of everything, even though you said it's 50/50, but you pick up the difference for food and also all of the pet costs and toiletries, in addition to all of the house hold chores.

You need to sit down and rework your budget, and because he makes more than you, he needs to be paying more than you!!

Also, the fact that he's taking your money without asking, is a bad sign. The fact that he's laughing about it is another bad sign. The fact that he makes more money than you and hasn't given the money back to you and apologized, is another bad sign.

My advice? Kick the jerk to the curb! Sorry. I've been in enough bad relationships to recognize a jerk, and you caught one. Throw him back, pronto!
 
pixietina

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Originally Posted by Natalie_ca

Sounds to me like he is taking advantage of you.

You guys live together. He makes double what you do, yet you seem to be paying the lion's share of everything, even though you said it's 50/50, but you pick up the difference for food and also all of the pet costs and toiletries, in addition to all of the house hold chores.

You need to sit down and rework your budget, and because he makes more than you, he needs to be paying more than you!!

Also, the fact that he's taking your money without asking, is a bad sign. The fact that he's laughing about it is another bad sign. The fact that he makes more money than you and hasn't given the money back to you and apologized, is another bad sign.

My advice? Kick the jerk to the curb! Sorry. I've been in enough bad relationships to recognize a jerk, and you caught one. Throw him back, pronto!
Click to expand...
except i would add when hes in the curb kick him in the
!
you can do better there are good men out there ya just gotta grab the right one when hes passing by
 
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baloneysmom

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Weâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]ve had money issues before. We went through around 4-5 months where I paid 100-200$ more on food, plus all those additional cost so I went to leave him, found an apartment and he came home that night with a wad full of cash to pay me back and about a thousand sorryâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s.

When stuff comes up he always says “he didnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t think about it, didnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t cross his mindâ€. Iâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]m beginning to wonder if he just really is thoughtless with no idea on how to be in a relationship or if heâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s just a <insert profanity here>

We have had MAJOR issues, he was really bad. Like id spend an hour making dinner he would eat it, leave it on the table and leave. Hed play computer games all night while I spent time doing chores. He would get up and get himself a drink and not offer me one even though I was the one who made the food. I would do his laundry and he would just throw it on the ground so I had to pick it up and fold it, inconsiderate things like that. He stopped doing all these things. He sometimes (depends on his game) helps with dinner, will clean up after us, get me a drink, fold the laundry, he started doing all this after I tried to leave the second time, so it show he tries…. I think… This is why I cant figure out if heâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s just dense and doesnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t know what it is to be thoughtful, or if hes the <enter profanity> type…

Iâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]m getting to old to show my boyfriends how to treat a women… I did that in high school.

Thanks for letting me vent guys =))
 
lillekat

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Your bf is definitely in the wrong. He should ahve asked if it was OK first. The fact that he laughed indicates that he really doesn't take this issue seriously enough - it's not that it's just $7 - it's the principal.
 
gailc

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He is not treating you with respect. He doesn't seem to value your contributions either.
According to money wizard Suzie Orman you are not dividing the expenses correctly.
If he makes twice as much as you do he should be paying for 67% of the expenses and you the remaining third.

I think he is taking advantage of you-I would stop doing so much.
Make a list of how you contribute financially and a list of all the chores you do.
(keep a copy). Sit down and discuss this situation with him and give him a time frame/deadline.

If he doesn't or isn't willing to change for the sake of your relationship-its time to end it.
 
natalie_ca

natalie_ca

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You've reinforced in my mind that it's not a good relationship. And the fact you are able to point out all of the things below, tells me that you know it too.

Giving you money and saying "sorry" doesn't mean squat if the behaviour continues, which it has.

You know what you have to do.


Originally Posted by silvionc

Weâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]ve had money issues before. We went through around 4-5 months where I paid 100-200$ more on food, plus all those additional cost so I went to leave him, found an apartment and he came home that night with a wad full of cash to pay me back and about a thousand sorryâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s.

When stuff comes up he always says “he didnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t think about it, didnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t cross his mindâ€. Iâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]m beginning to wonder if he just really is thoughtless with no idea on how to be in a relationship or if heâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s just a <insert profanity here>

We have had MAJOR issues, he was really bad. Like id spend an hour making dinner he would eat it, leave it on the table and leave. Hed play computer games all night while I spent time doing chores. He would get up and get himself a drink and not offer me one even though I was the one who made the food. I would do his laundry and he would just throw it on the ground so I had to pick it up and fold it, inconsiderate things like that. He stopped doing all these things. He sometimes (depends on his game) helps with dinner, will clean up after us, get me a drink, fold the laundry, he started doing all this after I tried to leave the second time, so it show he tries…. I think… This is why I cant figure out if heâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s just dense and doesnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t know what it is to be thoughtful, or if hes the <enter profanity> type…

Iâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]m getting to old to show my boyfriends how to treat a women… I did that in high school.

Thanks for letting me vent guys =))
Click to expand...
 
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fwan

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Yikes im sorry to hear this, you just made me realise how good my boyfriend (future husband) really is towards me, he will let me know what products i need to pick up if we are running low, and other than that each time he takes money out of the bank he just gives me half of it for shopping and anything i want to get.

he always has change laying around, whether it will fall out of his pockets or just be laying beside the bed or be in the bathroom, i do take it and put it in our holiday container.

And dont think we are well off! i just caught up on all of my debts with his help.
 
cococat

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That is not cool. You need some time to cool off then have a heart to heart conversation with him. Maybe he doesn't understand how you keep track of every penny and budget it, and once he is presented with this information he will understand loose money laying around IS fully accounted for, not just "extra" cash laying around for whatever.


There are also other issues that concern me.
 
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This jerk isn't treating you right at all,as you say it makes no difference what the amount was its the fact he stole it plain and simple,as for laughing at you that is way out of order,you deserve better,seriously you should consider dumping this guy,he needs to realise he can't steal off you,it makes no difference the fact that you are a couple stealing from you is still wrong and against the law
 
laureen227

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i have to agree w/everyone else. he shouldn't have taken it to begin with... laughing about it implies you're being a nitpicker, when, in fact, it's money you actually NEED. he's being quite disrespectful, & i personally would be out of there. but if you're not ready to leave yet...
1st - you can buy a package of peanut butter sandwich crackers for about $1.50, & there's 8 packages of 6 cracker/sandwiches. this is what i eat for bfast - cheap, easy, portable. for $3, you can get enough for 2+weeks.
2nd - if the cats are yours [& you'll take them when you leave him] then you should pay for the food/vet/etc. however, if they 'belong' to you both, he should share those expenses.

 
abbycats

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There are several red flags in your relationship that need to be addressed. Red flags are usually what we look at after the relationship has gone bad, and we look back in hind sight, I know I have in my life.
 
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Can you not ask him for the $7.00 back because you need it for your breakfasts?

It would seem as though he is totally unaware of your budget and how you need to keep a strict regimen in order to afford school. You need to get together to talk about this issue. If, after the talk, nothing is settled, then you need to re-think being with this person. He should be willing to go a little extra to help you get your schooling if he really cares about you. Perhaps he is intimidated by you getting more education.

I really do think you need to resolve these issues now because the longer the relationship goes on with unresolved issues, the worse it becomes and the more difficult to extract oneself.
 
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baloneysmom

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Sadly I did ask for my money back… He told me to take it from our food money which was one thing we tried to work out with our past problems. He would give me a months worth of money for groceries… So if I took it from the food money I would have to pay it anyway when I bought groceries because I would be 7$ off…

You guys are right… Iâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]ve had good boyfriends, I know what its like to be treated nicely. This isnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t it.

The cats are mine now… we bought them together but lately I have been keeping all the receipts and making sure I pay with plastic just in case he did want to keep them I can fight it. I donâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t think hes ever fed or cleaned their litter, he does love them like crazy though. Heâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s never offered to pay for half of the vet bills. Iâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]ve never asked. Iâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]ve never been with a boyfriend who was so cheap or thoughtless (donâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t know which he is) before so Iâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]ve never had to ask.

I also wrote him a letter about 2 months ago that was a page long typed of what I do for the relationship, and one sentence for what he does. He recognized that was correct and attempted to change which I wrote previously. He really did changed enormously, but hes so thoughtless the changes donâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t really matter because you cant really change being thoughtless right?

Also he DOES understand that I am broke. Iâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]ve mentioned to him a few times how stressed I am at this. In fact last week alone I must have said it every day, because I AM stressed over it. If he dosnt know that I only have 50$ to spend then hes not only thoughtless hes deaf too….

You guys are right… Iâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]ve been holding onto this relationship because I moved 17 hours away from home, with no family or friends here, my place of employment is going through some major lay offs in 4 phases until October. Itâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s scary to be alone… So I think because of this Iâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]ve tried so hard to make it work when we are obviously not compatible.

Thanks guys.
 
mrblanche

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Speaking as a guy, I have to say you are letting this one run all over you. I'm sure you're probably in a situation where you need his income to make it, but if he can't see why you're annoyed, you're only in for more trouble in the future.

Call me old-fashioned (and I am), but that is essentially what marriage is all about. You should hook up with someone you LIKE, not someone you love, because pretty quickly, the flash, bang, and sizzle of sex wears off, and you really don't want to have to sit down and discuss how you're going to pay the rent with someone you don't like.
 
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goldenkitty45

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Sil - please explain WHY you are still with him? Sounds like this relationship is going nowhere fast and downhill. I'd be thinking about being single again really soon.

Future is NOT bright with this guy!
 
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going nova

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Linda(that's me) says:

I agree with the other posters, that your boyf is not respecting you. Maybe you feel lonely because you're far from home and haven't made new friends, but the time and emotional energy that is spent on him could be used to meet new people.

If you leave him, it might be difficult at first (especially if you've been together for a long time and have gotten quite used to him), but hang in there. Believe me, there's always going to be someone who is smarter, better-looking, funner, etc (whatever other qualities may be important) who is interested in you and treats you better.
 
laureen227

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Originally Posted by silvionc

Iâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]ve never been with a boyfriend who was so cheap or thoughtless (donâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t know which he is) before so Iâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]ve never had to ask.
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he's probably both - along w/lazy. if he weren't, he'd've made a trip to the bank for cash ahead of time. if he weren't cheap, he'd've paid w/plastic if he didn't have cash. if he weren't thoughtless, he'd've done one of the above.
 
luvmy2cats

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I think it's an empathy problem. My DH has a simular problem. Not with taking money, but other things. He will do things that upset me and then he can't understand why I'm upset. Like I said empathy problem. Some men just can't stop to think "Well if my wife or GF did this to me, how would that make me feel." So in turn they can't see there's anything wrong with what they're doing. I've even tried explaining it to DH and he still really doesn't seem to understand.
 
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