For those of you in relationships...

trouts mom

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How do you feel about your SO spending time with people of the opposite sex? (or the same sex if that be the case).

I have never been a jealous person, and now with Josh in my life I feel those feelings creeping in. I don't like it, in fact I hate feeling jealous. I think its a weak emotion. Maybe its because he is 7 hours away from me, and dang is he ever attractive. Just the thought of other women "thinking things" makes me feel like crap. He runs with this one girl every week..and I don't much like it but I recognize that its not my place to say anything about it either.

So, do you and SO spend time alone with people of the opposite sex and if so, how does it work generally?
 

pixietina

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i rarely leave the house!, but i know if my SO speaks too someone i havent met i get jelous.... now i just got used too it...hes with me therefore he loves me!,
 

brandi

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Kevin and I do quite a bit...Most of my friends are guys...Blake and I go to the mall quite a bit....Matt Derrek and I hang out and watch movies...Kevin and Crystal play video games
Honestly at first I was a bit jealous and he was too but eventually you learn to trust each other I know he loves me and only me and I love him and only him the other people are just friends of ours. The only thing we both agreed on is no alcoholic drinks for either of us without the other present because when you get to drinking some people do stupid things. This was a rule we set at the very beginning of our relationship and it has worked well for us!
 

whiteforest

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He has friends that are female, and I have friends that are male. It doesn't bother me as long as I know about it. He's a photographer, so he goes out shooting with these girls sometimes, and that's fine with me. If he was like...going over to their place hanging out alone, I'd probably think that was weird. I have one friend in particular that I sometimes go get coffee with, or go bike riding with, and DH doesn't care. He refers to this friend as my boyfriend.
 

bnwalker2

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I hate it when John spends time with his female friends, but they were in his life before I was so it's not really my place to tell him he can't hang out with them. He actually hasn't in quite awhile but he used to all the time and it bugged me terribly.
I don't hang out with my male friends alone because I don't feel that it's right even though I know nothing would ever happen.
Now, I have no problem with us all hanging out together.
 

rickyd

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Originally Posted by pixietina

i rarely leave the house!, but i know if my SO speaks too someone i havent met i get jelous.... now i just got used too it...hes with me therefore he loves me!,
And those you know
And yes i do love you pixie
 

natalie_ca

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I'm not in a relationship currently, but I will tell you that the one thing that will kill a relationship faster than anything is jealousy. Jealousy means you don't trust the person you are involved with, to be smart and resist temptation. And without trust there can be no relationship.

If you trust him, there is nothing to be jealous of. If he runs with that girl every week and was doing so before you and he hooked up, don't you think that if he wanted to be with her that he would be with her now instead of you?

He seems to have chosen you over her to become involved with romantically. So trust in him. Trust in his love
 

xlaydeextaniax

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Originally Posted by Trouts mom

How do you feel about your SO spending time with people of the opposite sex? (or the same sex if that be the case).

I have never been a jealous person, and now with Josh in my life I feel those feelings creeping in. I don't like it, in fact I hate feeling jealous. I think its a weak emotion. Maybe its because he is 7 hours away from me, and dang is he ever attractive. Just the thought of other women "thinking things" makes me feel like crap. He runs with this one girl every week..and I don't much like it but I recognize that its not my place to say anything about it either.

So, do you and SO spend time alone with people of the opposite sex and if so, how does it work generally?
aww hunni, am sorry you feel like this...

...however, i must admit i used to be like it/sometime's am still like it, not as bad though!

i think it depend's how long you've been with each other, well it play's a part in how you feel i suppose. i agree, it's not a nice feeling, to me it's natural to feel like it, when you really like somebody. the answer to your last question is, the only female's my partner ever see's are my kitty's, or my close friend's if he's giving them a lift home.

with friend's it's completely different, although i still feel "those feeling's", even though they are my close friend's.
 

luvmy2cats

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Well DH used to hang out with this girl who was his friends GF at the time. I didn't think much of it because she always acted like a dude half the time anyway. Then one day I found out she had a crush on DH for years. I kinda got ticked over that. I didn't want him to be around her anymore. Now, her and DHs friend aren't even together so we don't see her anymore.
 
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trouts mom

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Originally Posted by Natalie_ca

I'm not in a relationship currently, but I will tell you that the one thing that will kill a relationship faster than anything is jealousy. Jealousy means you don't trust the person you are involved with, to be smart and resist temptation. And without trust there can be no relationship.

If you trust him, there is nothing to be jealous of. If he runs with that girl every week and was doing so before you and he hooked up, don't you think that if he wanted to be with her that he would be with her now instead of you?

He seems to have chosen you over her to become involved with romantically. So trust in him. Trust in his love
I agree with you about jealousy killing a relationship. My ex was jealous and it led to our demise among other things. I hate feeling the slightest bit jealous, but at least can admit fault in it.

Its not about trusting him, because I do..its about other women and them thinking thoughts about him
grrrr. I just feel like I should be the one running with him..Not some other girl.
 

MoochNNoodles

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Well it's never really been a problem for me with DH because he's just not one to have any female friends really anymore, not that he ever had many. And I've lost touch with most of my guys friends too. We've got an agreement though, that we won't be alone in the house with any of eachothers friends of the opposite sex unless it's like for a few minutes. Like say he's on his way home and meeting one of his friends here to do something, then it's no big deal, just not for any length of time. Even back when I did have a bigger group of friends, I was almost always with them in a group, so it was no big deal.

ETA: I can understand feeling jealous over his time since you are so far away. Or being nervous that someone might put the moves on him or something like that. But you said you trust him, so I guess it's just something to work through.
I had similar feelings when DH was deployed, fortunately the male to female ratio was always pretty different.
 

swampwitch

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My husband is good-looking, too, and I trust him but at the same time, I don't have the "it could never happen to me" mentality. I get jealous of women (at his work) who get to spend more time with him than I do.
 

carolpetunia

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Originally Posted by Natalie_ca

...Jealousy means you don't trust the person you are involved with, to be smart and resist temptation...
Let me disagree a little with that statement. I consider Rush, my former SO and current/all-time best friend, to be the most trustworthy individual on the face of the earth. There is not one iota of deceitfulness in that man.

But when we were together (for four years), I did feel just a bit of jealousy, in the sense that I worried about him feeling attracted to other women. I knew he would never act on those feelings -- knew it without question! But the fact that he inevitably had them, as I think all men do, did spark a little jealousy.

I'm pleased to say that I never once expressed that jealousy or tried to interfere in his friendships with women... but deep in my heart, I did feel just the tiniest bit jealous.


My point is that sometimes jealousy does not indicate a lack of trust -- sometimes it's just a matter of insecurity.
 

theimp98

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Originally Posted by Trouts mom

How do you feel about your SO spending time with people of the opposite sex? (or the same sex if that be the case).

So, do you and SO spend time alone with people of the opposite sex and if so, how does it work generally?
i could care less, heck if i did, she would never be able to work. she meeting new people all the time.

err, it works the same with the opposite sex as it does any other friendship.
 

goldenkitty45

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DH and I met over the internet. We've always had total trust between us. Its hard to do sometimes, but if you truly love each other and trust, then you can't be worrying if he's with another person.

Of course we did talk to each other every day by phone or pc, letting each other know whats going on. We really had NO desire to want to be with anyone else and that helped.

We are very happily married for 6 yrs and we even tell each other if the opposite sex is hitting on us. I'm not jealous of him, he's not jealous of me - we both know who we are going home with. What really helps us is the fact that his ex cheated on him, we both know how it feels to be hurt and would never do that to each other.

Another thing that "cements" our relationship is the fact that God is very much in our lives and he keeps us together and helps us deal with any kind of temptation that might happen in the future.
 

zissou'smom

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Originally Posted by Trouts mom

How do you feel about your SO spending time with people of the opposite sex? (or the same sex if that be the case).

I have never been a jealous person, and now with Josh in my life I feel those feelings creeping in. I don't like it, in fact I hate feeling jealous. I think its a weak emotion. Maybe its because he is 7 hours away from me, and dang is he ever attractive. Just the thought of other women "thinking things" makes me feel like crap. He runs with this one girl every week..and I don't much like it but I recognize that its not my place to say anything about it either.

So, do you and SO spend time alone with people of the opposite sex and if so, how does it work generally?
I think the distance has a lot to do with this. Typically the thought would never ever cross my mind with my bf no matter who he is hanging out with, but when he goes out of town for the weekend for some reason I get a twinge of that too.

You just have to remind yourself that you trust him. If you let these thoughts stay in your head very long, eventually it will blow up.

Briefly thinking about it, and then realizing it is paranoia, is normal. But thinking about it often is not healthy for you or your relationship. He's going to notice you feel this way and it's going to create problems.

I can't imagine how hard it must be to be so far apart.
 

whiteforest

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Originally Posted by Zissou'sMom

I think the distance has a lot to do with this. Typically the thought would never ever cross my mind with my bf no matter who he is hanging out with, but when he goes out of town for the weekend for some reason I get a twinge of that too.
I usually associate that "twinge" with hormones!
When DH is out of town for a weekend I'm always overly sensitive. I tend to cry if he doesn't call me all day.
 

valanhb

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Natalie, if he's telling you about the girls he's hanging out with, I wouldn't think it's an issue. So let the girls think naughty thoughts about your man! Let THEM be jealous that YOU have him! Here's the thing, with long distance relationships it is difficult because your lives and friends, for the most part, don't change because you're now in a relationship. If he had female friends before, he will now too. Best thing for you to do is when you do go to see him, hang out with his friends and make a good impression on them. Then once you're in their good graces, you've got their eyes looking out for your relationship too.


Besides, in my experience, it's not the girls he's telling you about that you would have to worry about. It's the one he not telling you about, and somehow find out about. That's the one to have issues with. When he's being honest about who he's talking to and hanging out with, no problem.
 

carolpetunia

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Y'know, it just occurred to me... I must have set up some good karma by not minding that Rush had female friends back when we were a couple -- because now I'm in that very position myself! Rush is married now, and that makes me the female friend in the picture... which could never work if his wife objected.

So I'm reaping what I sowed! Thank goodness I sowed trust.
 
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