I am at my wit's end. I don't usually get too personal on here, I am a private person, not because I don't think you are about the best bunch of people I have ever found in one spot.
I just lost both my jobs in the same week. With one of them went my health insurance. I have RA, lupus, diabetes, and Hepatitis C, and will only be able to receive treatment until the end of the month. I can barely remember anything, and my SO of 23 years thinks I have begun lying to him. I am almost afraid to talk to him, because sometimes I forget details, and when I tell him something that I have told him before, and left out a detail, I have lied, according to him. He has begun to be so mean to me most of the time, I spend my life on eggshells. I apparently have a very bad reaction to the steroids I was given for my RA, and got a bad case of steroid psychosis, which made me crazy, and I apparently still not right. He thinks I quit my job because I missed my "20 year vacation." The whole place is going to be gone in a couple months, because the place is already in Chapter 11, and they fired 10 people just off my former team already. They have demoted a bunch of people, and the man that moved his whole family from Miami left after only 5 weeks and went back home to get out of this what he stood up on the sales floor and called a *hithole.
He chose a career that he hates, and will not do anything else. He says I am joined at the hip with him, and have been plotting to leave him because I have been acting funny. He told me how happy he was to not to have to make me put the bike in his name, because he does not want me selling it out from under him. I would NEVER do that. He told me I am the most vindictive person he knows and is afraid I will do plot something to do to him to end him up in prison. I have vented and said vindictive things, never about him, that I would like to do to people that make me very angry, but I have never harmed a soul that has not physically harmed me or my child.
I bought a truck with my tax return, in case he kicks me out, even though I have nowhere to go, and am worried to death about what would happen to the cats. It is hard to find even a good friend that would take you in with 4 cats. I guess I would have to throw myself on my daughter's big heart and beg her to let me stay with her for a little while.
I can get more from unemployment than I was making for the last 2 months I was working there. He thinks I just don't want to work, and he is so wrong. I asked him to look me in the eyes and tell me if he still loves me and wants to be with me, and he said he still loves me, be I cannot be trusted and will have to "tighten up" if we are to stay together. I tried to say maybe we do need some time apart so he can figure out what he can do that he does not hate so much, but before I could finish, he had a fit and said he knew I just wanted him gone. I just want him better, and happy again, it would kill me to know I was going to lose him permanently.
I have never told any of you this publicly, but I am an addict. I have been in treatment on methadone for almost 2 years, and have very recently beaten it. All this is not helping my sobriety. It started out with a few pain pills here and there, and blew up into a full fledged addiction, even maxing out my credit cards to get them off the internet.
I hate to whine to all of you, but I have no one else. Could you please spare me a vibe or 2, maybe a small prayer? I am so ashamed to tell all of you this, I understand if you think badly of me, I don't think it could be any worse than I think of myself.
I just lost both my jobs in the same week. With one of them went my health insurance. I have RA, lupus, diabetes, and Hepatitis C, and will only be able to receive treatment until the end of the month. I can barely remember anything, and my SO of 23 years thinks I have begun lying to him. I am almost afraid to talk to him, because sometimes I forget details, and when I tell him something that I have told him before, and left out a detail, I have lied, according to him. He has begun to be so mean to me most of the time, I spend my life on eggshells. I apparently have a very bad reaction to the steroids I was given for my RA, and got a bad case of steroid psychosis, which made me crazy, and I apparently still not right. He thinks I quit my job because I missed my "20 year vacation." The whole place is going to be gone in a couple months, because the place is already in Chapter 11, and they fired 10 people just off my former team already. They have demoted a bunch of people, and the man that moved his whole family from Miami left after only 5 weeks and went back home to get out of this what he stood up on the sales floor and called a *hithole.
He chose a career that he hates, and will not do anything else. He says I am joined at the hip with him, and have been plotting to leave him because I have been acting funny. He told me how happy he was to not to have to make me put the bike in his name, because he does not want me selling it out from under him. I would NEVER do that. He told me I am the most vindictive person he knows and is afraid I will do plot something to do to him to end him up in prison. I have vented and said vindictive things, never about him, that I would like to do to people that make me very angry, but I have never harmed a soul that has not physically harmed me or my child.
I bought a truck with my tax return, in case he kicks me out, even though I have nowhere to go, and am worried to death about what would happen to the cats. It is hard to find even a good friend that would take you in with 4 cats. I guess I would have to throw myself on my daughter's big heart and beg her to let me stay with her for a little while.
I can get more from unemployment than I was making for the last 2 months I was working there. He thinks I just don't want to work, and he is so wrong. I asked him to look me in the eyes and tell me if he still loves me and wants to be with me, and he said he still loves me, be I cannot be trusted and will have to "tighten up" if we are to stay together. I tried to say maybe we do need some time apart so he can figure out what he can do that he does not hate so much, but before I could finish, he had a fit and said he knew I just wanted him gone. I just want him better, and happy again, it would kill me to know I was going to lose him permanently.
I have never told any of you this publicly, but I am an addict. I have been in treatment on methadone for almost 2 years, and have very recently beaten it. All this is not helping my sobriety. It started out with a few pain pills here and there, and blew up into a full fledged addiction, even maxing out my credit cards to get them off the internet.
I hate to whine to all of you, but I have no one else. Could you please spare me a vibe or 2, maybe a small prayer? I am so ashamed to tell all of you this, I understand if you think badly of me, I don't think it could be any worse than I think of myself.