Need vibes and feedback... (kinda long)

So I'm sorry it's been several days since I've really been active around here. My husband has been taking a steep spiral into depression. It all started with his sinus problems and it's just progressed. It got so bad earlier this week that I moved his doctor's appointment up and we went yesterday. The doctor has started him on some anti-depressants and gave him some Zanex to help him relax. I went to see his boss after we were done at the doctor. I have met her on several occassions (even had Thanksgiving at her house last year) so I thought she might be receptive of me coming in and talk to me woman to woman. It turned out that she was very condesending and when I handed her the doctor's note that the doctor gave my husband to be off of work for a few days she got really "put-offish". She asked me how she should classify his reasoning for needing to be off, asked me if the doctor made him take the time off or if he had requested it, told me that she needs him there 100% - basically told me that she was on the verge of firing him. Now, I don't have the heart to tell my husband this. It would kill him right now. He has done everything to try and make this woman happy, he's just fallen into a deep depression and has a hard time performing 100%. I don't know what to do! I know he needs a new job. But I have to figure out insurance first and all of that mess. But the last thing I want is for him to go back in next week and get fired right off the bat. She reccomended that I take advantage of the company thing they have at the local hospital for free, confidential consuling, but then she said "I want to know if he's going and be kept up to date with his progress". Can she do that? What steps should we take to protect him while he figures this out? I know about the FMLA, but we wouldn't get a paycheck with that. It may be our only option though.

I would really appreciate any thoughts on any of this. I am having a tough time handling everything myself with family being 15 hours away...

That´s terrible my friend... ....life if hard but is precious....

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For him... ...tell to him from me "Don´t Give up!".....

I'm not an expert, but I really don't think what she's doing/what she wants to do is legal. I know that she has no right to be kept abreast of his medical situation, and I think it's illegal for her to even inquire.

Tricia

I would meet with someone at your nearest labor authority office and find out what your husband's rights really are. I don't believe the employer has any right at all to know anything about his medical condition -- and how can she recommend that he go to "confidential consulting" and then demand to be told all about it? Sheesh.

Please get some real answers from the legal authority that governs this particular employer (some are governed by state law, others by federal; the office you call can tell you), and please do it before you say another word to anyone at his office. That boss may already know more than she has a right to.

As for your husband... I'm so sorry he feels this way. It sounds like a very deep depression. Has the sinus pain that you think exacerbated it been relieved yet?

I think you're right, by the way, not to tell him his job may be in danger. He needs to break the cycle of anxiety, depression, and pain... blissful ignorance would be good for him for awhile.

I do think it's a great idea for him to get some counseling right away, through that company-sponsored program or anywhere his insurance will cover. I hope he can make a comeback very quickly...

And I hope the labor board will tell you he can't be fired over this, anyway, and that his boss is 'way out of line! Good luck.

How large is your husband's company - if it's good-sized, it should have a separate HR department that would deal with arranging for short and long term leave, etc. And, at least where I work, it's really kept deathly quiet regarding reasons for any sort of sick leaves. And, depending on how the employer wrote the insurance coverage, there may be a lot of resources for you to draw on via the company's benefits - but it'd be nice to speak with an HR professional regarding all of that, if possible.

Prayers for you and your husband that things work out well.

Originally Posted by Beck4582

She reccomended that I take advantage of the company thing they have at the local hospital for free, confidential consuling, but then she said "I want to know if he's going and be kept up to date with his progress". Can she do that? What steps should we take to protect him while he figures this out? I know about the FMLA, but we wouldn't get a paycheck with that. It may be our only option though.

I would really appreciate any thoughts on any of this. I am having a tough time handling everything myself with family being 15 hours away...

Click to expand...

Your husband's boss is obviously a control-freak nut-job! Does she even understand what she said to you? Does she understand the 'confidential' part of confidential counseling? Does she have a working knowledge of the HIPAA LAW? What she is suggesting is definitely against the law. Unless your husband has had disciplinary action against him prior to this episode, there is no way she can fire him for needing to take medically necessary time off. That is what the FAMILY MEDICAL LEAVE ACT is about. The only thing that she needs to know is that his doctor has recommended that he takes some time off. She doesn't need to know why. She can ask when he should expect to be back to work, but with FMLA, he can be off work for 12 weeks before his job is at risk.

I really appreciate the feedback. I am going to be contacting the HR lady at his work (it's a large company, with over 150 people at his building and owned by a larger company) to see what we can do. Now that I've had more time to let this all sink in and read your feedback and talk to my dad, I really think that his boss is out of line. She really is a control freak - which is part of the reason he is stressed out at work - but she doesn't need to know all the inner details of our lives. I will keep everyone posted.