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Anyone else here lack social graces?

post #1 of 21
Thread Starter 
Anyone else have problems with the social things...like carrying on a simple conversation? I sometimes feel completely inept when it comes to talking to people. I mean, on here, I have no problem jumping into any conversation and putting in my 2 cents worth, whether it is wanted or not. But, I find in social situations I have NO idea what to say. And, I feel so stupid sometimes.

Last night, I had to go to the funeral home because my aunt passed away after a long fight with alzheimers (so, it was sad, but a blessing too). This was my father's sister, so I was related to most of the people in the room, and most of them knew who I was....but honestly, I didn't have a clue who most of them were! And, I know it's always awkward in those kind of family situations "oh...I remember you when you were only this tall....", but I have no idea what to say to get past the awkward part, so I just stand there and smile and nod at them.

I'm pretty much the same way at work. I would rather read between calls than talk to people around me.

So, why do I come on here for hours, but don't want to talk to people in my own life?

I do have a few really good friends and I talk their ears off, and my husband just starts saying "yes dear" when I start rambling, so I can talk...really.

I was just wondering if there was anyone else out there that prefers to live in their own little world.
post #2 of 21
I'd much rather hang around someone like you than someone who loves to listen to himself talk! People must believe that you are a great thinker, while you are silently and thoughtfully nodding.

Personally, I never run out of things to talk about but I try to listen, too. There's nothing wrong with opening up to those you know well and not to others.
post #3 of 21
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by SwampWitch View Post
I'd much rather hang around someone like you than someone who loves to listen to himself talk! People must believe that you are a great thinker, while you are silently and thoughtfully nodding.
Oh, thats IT! My persona is the "great thinker" (umhm, umhm, umhm...). I'm really not the person that is thinking "Oh Sh*t...what is her name! Ummm, what do I say now??" Oh well, they say the front is everything, right?
post #4 of 21
I'm the same way. I never know what to say to people. And when I do speak it never comes out right.
Quote:
Originally Posted by calico2222 View Post

I was just wondering if there was anyone else out there that prefers to live in their own little world.
post #5 of 21


Le Penseur by Auguste Rodin

He's actually trying to remember somebody's name.
post #6 of 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by SwampWitch View Post


Le Penseur by Auguste Rodin

He's actually trying to remember somebody's name.


I consider myself socially inept and find it very hard to talk with other kids at my school. However I can talk to the teachers just fine.
post #7 of 21
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by SwampWitch View Post


Le Penseur by Auguste Rodin

He's actually trying to remember somebody's name.
OMG! I was thinking of that too when I read your post. At least I do my thinking with clothes on!!
post #8 of 21
It's a lot easier for me to come out and talk to people online, but I'm really shy and feel awkward talking to some people in real life. The stuff I say always comes out sounding really weird/dumb, and then it makes it worse.
post #9 of 21
I have to have a glass of wine (or two) before I can open my mouth during social events.
post #10 of 21
i feel the same way, except my staring moment was when i went out on a date with this older guy a couple years ago (first date in like forever), and he was all the gentleman, opening the door, pulling out the chair, etc. I felt like a total moron, i had no idea what to do/say i was so awkward i just felt like crawling under the table or running for the door, but i was afraid he would beat me there and open it for me. (too bad i caught him in wal-mart a short time later with his wife, whom he said had died of cancer a couple years before, and their kids)

i try to avoid social settings because i am horrible with names/faces and i never know what to say.
post #11 of 21
I'm one of those people who will quite happily just sit there and listen to what others are saying, I find listening to conversations easier and less embarrassing

I do get scared of opening my mouth and saying something I shouldn't, or at least something that makes me feel dumb

I find it better juts to sit there and take it all in, and maybe on the odd occasion nod my head in agreement..

I'm a completely different person around my closest friends though, I'm what's known as a chatterbox!
post #12 of 21
I am better with people than I used to be thanks to several public speaking competitions and a summer as a tour guide. I am just not really that comfortable with people on an extended one-on-one basis (except my hubby of course). I am finding it really difficult to make friends here in Ohio because things are so different out here than they are in Oregon or Alaska. I guess the best way that I have adapted to this is that I am a welder and get to be in my own private world for most of the day.
post #13 of 21
I'm totally lame in social situations. I think my coworkers think I'm completely antisocial, because I go home for lunch and don't take breaks with anyone. I have trouble with "small talk" and I'd much rather do things alone than with strangers or acquaintances. I do have a few close friends, but by and large, I'm not a people person.

Which is odd, because my job is essentially social networking I do okay at the work part... but being social outside of the requirements? I feel your pain.
post #14 of 21
I am exactly the same!

I am fine when writing on forums, but as soon as I talk to people in person I am just rubbish!

I even find it hard with some close friends and family. It gets to the point that I don't often like getting together with some people becuase I get worried even before Ive started talking!

I started a job 3 years ago where I have to talk phone calls all day, and I found that really hard at the start.
But its helped me a bit.
Sometimes I still get bad days where nothing seems to come out right and I just end up laughing at myself down the phone to the customers, just out of embarressment!
I try and get regular customers to e-mail me instead and that has helped.
My collegues used to think I was strange, but they know now that some days I just am not in a talkative mood.

Im so glad there are other people like me!
post #15 of 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by yayi View Post
I have to have a glass of wine (or two) before I can open my mouth during social events.
Me too!!!! Well I dont drink wine though

Seriously, I have a hard time opening up to people.....I am really trying to work past it though
post #16 of 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by DeeDeeMay View Post
I'm one of those people who will quite happily just sit there and listen to what others are saying, I find listening to conversations easier and less embarrassing

I do get scared of opening my mouth and saying something I shouldn't, or at least something that makes me feel dumb

I find it better juts to sit there and take it all in, and maybe on the odd occasion nod my head in agreement..

I'm a completely different person around my closest friends though, I'm what's known as a chatterbox!
I'm exactly like this In new social situations I'm an observer, will speak if directly spoken to, but I rarely initiate conversion. Once I'm comfortable with you I never shut up though!
post #17 of 21
oh im not shy at all actually i dont shutup although i am considerate enough to listen too others
post #18 of 21
The worst part for me is that i have nothing to say to anyone. Yesterday i dreaded teaching because i found out there was only one student but i knew she is a cat lover and i was giving her tips how to help her outdoor kitties an hour and a half just about our kitties it was wonderful!

I used to think that other people were more intelligent than me because they had always something to say, but in reality they arent, just our interest are different.


Also, because my parents are deaf, i find it hard to talk with my voice sometimes and just prefer to stay mute the whole day!
post #19 of 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by h~chan View Post
It's a lot easier for me to come out and talk to people online, but I'm really shy and feel awkward talking to some people in real life. The stuff I say always comes out sounding really weird/dumb, and then it makes it worse.
well, you can preview & edit here - can't do that w/vocal conversation.
i wouldn't say i lack the ability to talk to strangers, or make 'small talk' - but i don't like it. i dislike going places where i know i won't know anyone - i feel awkward when i'm at a gathering like that. i still go [sometimes] - i just don't care for it. & the people there would never guess - i can talk on a wide variety of shallow topics, so i don't seem uneasy [but i am, inside!]. i know this because my close friends are amazed to discover how shy/introverted i really am, since i can speak easily... they don't realize that the stuff i'm talking about is extremely 'surface' stuff.
post #20 of 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by kaete View Post
I think my coworkers think I'm completely antisocial, because I go home for lunch and don't take breaks with anyone.
Personally I get offended if anyone calls me antisocial and would never use the word to describe my behavior - I don't go out of my way to try to hurt others (ie, violent acts such as murder are antisocial).


I have a hard time breaking silence. I don't know what to talk about, my interests are often very different from everyone else. I also tend to be blunt and not always realize until after I've said something that it could be misunderstood. Other times I just don't care.
post #21 of 21
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by laureen227 View Post
well, you can preview & edit here - can't do that w/vocal conversation.
There is an edit feature here??? I probably should use it sometimes!

Thank you guys, at least I know I'm not alone!
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