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Men & Walmart

post #1 of 22
Thread Starter 
This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.


After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women - - she loved to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Wal-Mart.

Dear Mrs. Samsel,


Over the past Six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Samsel are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.


1. June 15:
Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.


2. July 2:
Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.


3. July 7:
Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.


4. July 19:
Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in House wares. Get on it right away.'


5. August 4:
Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.


6. August 14:
Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.


7. August 15:
Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.


8. August 23:
When a clerk asked if they could hel p him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'


9. September 4:
Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10:
While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3:
Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.


12. October 6:
In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.


13. October18:
Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'


14. October 21:
When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least…

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loud ly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'

Regards,
Tom Richards

Wal-Mart
Manager
post #2 of 22
Oh my god, is that real?

I'm reading this to my girlfriend now and we find it very hilarious but why moving the "Caution! Wet Floor" sign to the carpeted area? That's so hilarious
post #3 of 22
I love this one. I crack up every time I see it too funny!
post #4 of 22
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dixie_Darlin View Post

10. September 10:
While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
I like this guy
post #5 of 22
This is a perfect little tutorial for those of us who hate Wal-Mart's abusive employment practices! We don't need a battalion of lawyers -- we can just drive Wal-Mart crazy, one store at a time!
post #6 of 22
"Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking."

we've done that before We put a box of condoms in someone who wasn't paying attention's cart and quietly hung near them their whole shopping trip till they checked out to see if they'd notice They didn't (the person was on the cell the whole time lol)

We also put a risque' red thong in this couple's basket. The lady definitely didn't wear that size so it was funny when they got to check out and she pulled it out and gave her husband a really nasty look

this is giving me more ideas
post #7 of 22
I love the, "where's the toilet paper?" shout out while in the dressing room!



I crack up every time I hear it.
post #8 of 22
err, i have done some of those before or similar.

i once asked the gun people at walmart,
if need a written note from my psychiatrist,, to buy ammo.

changed in store music to play hard rock, got and started using the gym stuff.
asked a store clerk if she could try on a pair of panty hose for me , since she looked about the same size as my wife, and i wanted to make sure they fit her.

did not work, the wife still wants me to go shopping with her.
post #9 of 22
That's great. Although contrary to the belief that women like to browse, I don't. I'm an in-and-out type of person.
post #10 of 22
How about hearing "we have a hot potato" over the intercom! That means there was a theft in progress, but hot potato being used to refer to it is funny.

If I go to walmart it's not boring, I just look around at the pet section.
post #11 of 22
Mom always laughs that at Christmas the men pushing carts (while the women shop) are in a daze.
post #12 of 22


That's hilarious!
post #13 of 22
I think this man may be related to my husband. I can't take him anywhere. I love this it make me laugh. Thank you
post #14 of 22
Quote:
Originally Posted by luvmycat1 View Post
That's great. Although contrary to the belief that women like to browse, I don't. I'm an in-and-out type of person.
Me too. I hate shopping. I also hate taking hubby because he wants to stop and look at EVERYTHING. I get so annoyed.

When I go shopping, I have a list or I know exactly why I went shopping so if I don't see the item I move on to the next. One time I was looking for a nice suit for a new job and hubby went with me. I passed this one store and he said why aren't you looking in there? I told him I didn't like anything there and he asked my how I could tell. I told him I glanced in and didn't like any of the colours of merchandise I saw there so I was not interested. I hate wasting time "browsing" - it's just not my thing.
post #15 of 22
STAR.........you stole our WalMart idea with the red panties!

We did that, and a few others:

1. DH and I love to play "battle" with the swimming pool toys (tubes) and bounce those really big balls in the aisles.

2. Put a loose tomato in an unattended cart among the stuff they have.

Our red panties thing was in Wisconsin WalMart - we put it in this guy's cart who was in the hunting aisle. Followed him around for awhile. Wasn't till we were leaving that we spotted him and his wife at checkout and NO red panties in the cart. We would have loved to been near enough when she found it and him trying to explain how they got in his cart!
post #16 of 22


That is great!!!!!

post #17 of 22
Whew, was that HILARIOUS! I really laughed out loud!

Years ago, my husband would super-glue quarters on the concrete floor of a retail store and see how many people actually try to pick it up.

One time, he super-glued a dollar bill on the floor. This guy and his wife happened to walk by, and suddenly he waves out his hand in joy saying, "Well well... ain't it my lucky day!" as he bent down to grab it. When he failed to, he said, "Someone glued it to the floor. That wasn't even funny." My husband laughed so hard.

... Not to mention another incident, again years back. He sold some product to a customer and asked him for his info. The customer's last name was Gay... and he lived on Straight Street. My husband couldn't help but laugh. The customer was cool with it, saying that he got that many times from others.

post #18 of 22
Quote:
Originally Posted by luvmycat1 View Post
That's great. Although contrary to the belief that women like to browse, I don't. I'm an in-and-out type of person.

Me too!

I hate shopping! I just want to get in, and get out, as quickly as possible!

But what makes it difficult for me to get it done quickly, is the fact that I usually shop at the Wal-Mart I used to work at - where I still know just about everyone who works there - and they always want to stop and talk...which I don't mind b/c I enjoy talking with them, but when I'm shopping, just leave me alone!

I'd rather shop online as much as I possibly can, b/c then I get it done w/o any distractions..

~KK~
post #19 of 22
I've read this before somewhere, but it still makes me laugh.
post #20 of 22
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yosemite View Post
Me too. I hate shopping. I also hate taking hubby because he wants to stop and look at EVERYTHING. I get so annoyed.

When I go shopping, I have a list or I know exactly why I went shopping so if I don't see the item I move on to the next. One time I was looking for a nice suit for a new job and hubby went with me. I passed this one store and he said why aren't you looking in there? I told him I didn't like anything there and he asked my how I could tell. I told him I glanced in and didn't like any of the colours of merchandise I saw there so I was not interested. I hate wasting time "browsing" - it's just not my thing.
Oh, man, John sounds just like Robert! I hate shopping, and he loves it. He does our grocery shopping, and we avoid shopping together unless it's for some high-priced item like furniture, and then he browses first and picks out possibilities, which he later shows me, so that we can decide together.

I do most of my shopping online.
post #21 of 22
Wow! You guys are devious!
post #22 of 22
This was quite a few years ago, but a friend and I were home on leave at the same time and we decide it would be a good idea to go the large toy store that was nearby. They had these long, wide aisles in the store. We grabbed a couple of those toy horsey balls and proceeded to race up and the aisle. Much to the chagrin of management and to the embarrassment of his then girlfriend. It seemed like the thing to do at the time. It also helps that we're easily amused.
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