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not enemies but not friends either :( help?(long, sorry)

post #1 of 5
Thread Starter 
i have three cats. i've had three cats for several years but the cats have changed,
that is, i started out with one cat Nell- tuxedo girl

she was my only cat for four years

then i adopted a blind deaf diabetic older cat, and at the same time, took in my sisters elderly cat, so went from one to cat to three

when the diabetic cat died, i took in a cat my daughter adopted but had problems with, so i still ended up with three cats

all of these cats in the different combinations, have gotten along pretty well, amazingly enough.

but then my sister's elderly cat died- and i was down to two cats: my original cat, Nell, and Sheldon, the boy cat my daughter had taken in

with the old girl gone, Sheldon and Nell fought constantly, it seems Sheldon gets bored and wants a cat to play with (its not enough to play with me, he came from a rescue where there were many many cats, not in cages, and he loved that kind of setting)

i missed my old girl, anyway, so i went and adopted a 10 to 12 yr old cat from the shelter who desperately needed a home (she has a deformed ear and asthma and is all black, so she's harder to place than many other cats)
thinking this would give Sheldon another cat to play with.

when she first got here, things went really well!! she was confident, she was playful, she seemed to fit in and was apparently pretty comfortable

but over time, things have deteriorated and i am not sure why, nor do i know what to do about it

the newest addition, Raven is getting the worst of things.
Sheldon now attacks her fairly often, in what appears to be his idea of trying to get her to play (he does the same thing with Nell, but she mostly ignores him, OR she will sometimes chase him for a bit, and this satisfies him)

he kicks Raven out of her sleeping spots, regardless of where they are (and she has taken to sleeping inside things where she is hard to find, makes me very sad to see this happening!)
Raven is hard of hearing besides, so she gets ambushed sometimes, which makes me really mad at SHeldon. BUt i've learned that if i try to get involved in these things, they only escalate. i tried putting SHeldon in a room by himself but this just infuriated him, and he attacked ME!! (that only happened once, i've not tried it again)

and now all three of my cats have become aggressive at meal time, fighting with each other although they all get the same food!!

i am at a loss as to why this is happening.

i can think of one possible factor, but to me it doesn't' seem like it could be the ONLY thing that's gone wrong, and that is that i am now going thru a very delayed grief reaction from losing the old girl who was my sisters cat-
that cat was nearly 20yrs old and i had known her her entire life

she died in a horrible horrifying way, so i've been kind of in shock and blocked the whole thing out til recently
now its been a year since my old girl died, and i am grieving her something awful

still, the problems with my three have come on more gradually. and when i am sad, they all seem to cluster around me and want to be with me, so that distracts them from their spats for a bit. but i don't doubt that my feeling blue is stressful for them

any ideas what i should do to get these three to get along like they used to?

its the worst for the new girl Raven. she is being bullied into spending most of her time hiding

i also miss having playful cats. what can i do to perk these kitties up??
thanks in advance for any ideas!!

PS i would LOVE to adopt another cat, but #1 i don't know that that would solve anything, and #2 i can't afford to
but i do wonder if fostering might a playful cat around SHeldon's age or a bit younger, might help keep him occupied?

i just don't know.
usually you need to keep fosters "quarantined" so i guess that wouldnt help much, either
post #2 of 5
i have suggestions, but i can't predict if they will help with your situation.
feliway diffusers [check labels to see how many for your household's size]
rescue remedy
both of these can be found other places - links are just so you can see the products. HTH!
post #3 of 5
Most male cats I've known and had have at some point decided it was time to dominant the females. There's no deep reason, it's their natural instinct regardless of how many (likely still young) females there are who've gotten off lucky so far, or how many males have not (yet?) gotten aggressive. It's got very little if anything, I think, to do with which cats were or were not around when, or why and/or how they left, or anything else - it's just what happens a very lot of the time and there's just about nothing at all you can do to change it except to keep the females safe in some way (when you're out, etc.) and to realize the males are just being themselves, but trying to change their natures by punishment, yelling, etc. etc. won't help much.
post #4 of 5
my male cat also attacks my female from time to time, it's a dominance thing. Make sure that you make the places raven likes to hide nice and comfy so atleast she has that, if she is deaf that might make her more frightened of the other cat. Feliway and rescue remedy as mentioned might greatly help your situation, especially for raven. Finally, Your idea to foster is a good idea, maybe try to foster a younger cat with more energy to keep your guy company, and if it REALLY helps and brings peace to the household you an adopt and if not you can adopt out........

good luck
post #5 of 5
I'm not sure another cat's the answer - another male may just add to her problems, and she'll hate another female, unless they eventually end up friends, but who can predict if that'll happen.
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