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I'm torn. Help!!

post #1 of 10
Thread Starter 
You guys, I have no idea what to do!

A bit of background information before you read: I’m fourteen and I currently live with four cats ownership of all of them (technical ownership of three). Mama Twix came to me a little over three years ago as a kitten. She’s spayed right now but she had to litters.

The first one had six, and we were going to keep three of them. I’d fallen in love with Tucker the second day he was born. He was the runt and an ugly little guy with buggy eyes and was the was the only black. Wilson, one of my younger brothers, got Peep, a fluffy brown tabby (though this is just supposed ownership to make him happy ). Quincy, who’s ten, got Squeak, who looked the same as Peep but was gray instead. We still have Tucker and Peep, but Squeak ran away when she was only a few months old and we were unable to find her. Quincy was miserable, but he eventually got over it.

The next litter had five, and to replace Squeak Quincy chose Ditto, a brown tabby with white. He kept going back between kittens, but I knew we were going to keep Ditto. We gave away two and were left with Sunflower, Lady, and Ditto. One morning I woke up to find Sunflower dead (RIP baby), and soon after Ditto got very sick. Even though I did everything I could for him, which included me paying for vet bills and taking care of him at all hours of the day, he couldn’t make it and passed away a month after. I was heartbroken – Ditto was my soul cat and losing him was like losing a piece of me. Quincy wasn’t as sad as I was, but Ditto technically was his cat so he was sad. We instead kept Lady, who is a scared cat by nature. I’ve been working with her as best as I could and she’d definitely coming around with the extra attention, but she shies away from everyone else.

Quincy came home from school today and told me my mom said he could have Tucker (my mom wasn’t there at the time). Now, Tucker is the closest cat to me besides Ditto. I’ve gotten even closer to him over the past month or so after I’ve been finishing grieving over Ditto, so when he first told me this I said absolutely not, he’s my cat and always has been. Quincy started crying, and I started wishing I had approached him in a way that wasn’t so strong and explained to him that Tucker is my special boy and I’ve always loved him a ton. He didn’t say anything, and I kept trying to describe my bond with him and how I wouldn’t give him away. I tried comparing it to how he loved Squeak and Ditto, but he wasn’t responding. Maybe their bonds weren’t ever that strong, I don’t know.

He asked which cat he could have. He already has Lady, but she’s nearly mine since only comfortable with me, but I offered her up so he could call her his own definitely. Apparently this wasn’t the right thing to say as he nearly screamed “no, she hates me!†at me. After that I told him he could call Mama Twix his. This is a was a huge sacrifice on my part – Mama’s been a part of my life since I was eleven – but I was willing to let him call her his.

Quincy didn’t say anything for a while, then asked if we could share Tucker. I agreed after a while, but I know he’s going to go talk to my mom, and since she said he could have him, I have my suspicions about whether he’s going to ask her if I have to let him keep Tucker.

I know Tucker will always be living at this house and I’d still be able to see him all the time since I live here. Is it selfish of me to want to keep him to call my own instead of letting my younger brother keep him to call his? Also, if he does talk to my mom, what can I do to help her understand? Obviously she doesn’t know how much I love Tucker if she’s willing to give him to Quincy.
post #2 of 10
Generally speaking, a cat's "person" is chosen by the cat, and not vice versa, no matter what we might like to think.
post #3 of 10
Thread Starter 
I know, I just wish I could tell my mom that. Tucker's my cat - or I'm his person - through and through and both know it. It's kill me to give him away, even if the giving is only in name.
post #4 of 10
Do your brothers live with you? If so, you should really be "sharing" them (the cats) and not worrying about who is who until you move out. You can't make a cat like you or want to stay with you - they kinda pick out their person and hang out with them.

Just out of curiousity is mom cat spayed now - no more litters of kittens?
post #5 of 10
Although I do understand the concept of each child in the family having a particular cat of his or her own, I wonder if it might be time for that concept to be phased out in favor of a more realistic approach... one that unites you and your brothers, rather than dividing you.

Surely your brothers have noticed that cats are independent souls. Are they old enough to understand that arbitrarily assigning this cat to that person is really pointless? Maybe it could be discussed in a family meeting, and you could all agree to "own" and care for the cats together... and to accept that certain cat/human bonds already exist, and others may be formed, and that's perfectly normal.

More to the point, it's inevitable -- nobody can tell a cat who to love!
post #6 of 10
I agree - I would say that you're of an age to understand that cats especially choose their people - more than dogs do, really. Your brother probably doesn't have that maturity of thinking. As long as are all living together, the cat really doesn't know your brother is his "owner". I would say just let your brother share or "own" the cat, because he will eventually understand that it doesn't really matter - just not in the near future...
post #7 of 10
Thread Starter 
Thanks, all of you, for you help. I was stressed out earlier with Lady's situation, and this added on just overwhelmed me.

I'll talk to Quincy tomorrow and explain all of this to him. Hopefully he'll understand that he's not able to "own" a cat, but if he really honestly wants to just say he has his own cat, he can go ahead and say he owns all four of them along with the rest of the family.

Group hug...
post #8 of 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cocoalily View Post
Thanks, all of you, for you help. I was stressed out earlier with Lady's situation, and this added on just overwhelmed me.

I'll talk to Quincy tomorrow and explain all of this to him. Hopefully he'll understand that he's not able to "own" a cat, but if he really honestly wants to just say he has his own cat, he can go ahead and say he owns all four of them along with the rest of the family.

Group hug...
Good job! (LOL, Inside I'm thinking about "my" cat Smudge, who I bought and had shipped over 1000 miles. And he looks at me like, YOU own ME???!!!)
post #9 of 10
I think that's just the right way to approach it! Good luck!
post #10 of 10
Cocoalily - thanks for the gift! i tried to send a PM to thank you [forgot you were a minor!]. anyway, Mouse & i thank you!
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