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What age to give children privacy? - Page 2

post #31 of 42
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by LDG View Post
Maybe the set-up of the house I grew up in had something to do with it, but my room was my room. There were three rooms on the second floor: one was my brother's, one was my sister's, and one was mine. My parents rarely came up there, and it never ocurred to me that they would ever go through my things. In fact, I'm sure they didn't.

I was raised in an atmosphere of trust and respect. In high school, I definitely lied to my parents, I used to slip out my window, and I started smoking cigarettes, drinking and smoked pot. But I always got good grades, I 'fessed up about the things I did behind their back in high school when I was in college, and I became a responsible adult. If they were going through my things, I'd just have found someplace else to hang out or keep "my stash," so the privacy thing to me has little to do with what kids decide to do down the road.

I think that giving kids their privacy is important, and if it's something they haven't had but then ask for, then I think they should have it. It certainly seems like he deserves it. And in the end, being a good mom and teaching the boys about respect by example will win out - IMO.

Laurie
Well said!


I talked to Justice this afternoon. We made a deal. I won't allow Deacon in his room unsupervised. Of course, we have to walk through there to get to the backdoor so it can't be totally "off limits". I wanted Justice to have that room over Deacon because I can trust him to not go outside in the middle of the night to hunt crickets
We also made the agreement that I would get him "Do Not Disturb" signs to go on his doors.
When he wants his privacy, he can put those on his door knobs. (He has 2 doors going into his room. One from the kitchen, one from the bathroom)
When those signs are hung, we knock first!

One thing I didn't agree on was locks on his doors. I don't think it's safe.
I wouldn't have access to him if there was a fire or other emergency.
post #32 of 42
I think this is a great way of handling it. And we didn't have locks on our doors either - I agree, it's just not safe.

Laurie
post #33 of 42
I like the way you handled that. Kudos!

Obviously, he should not have locks on his doors now since he's 10, but perhaps when he gets older? I would think that in case of an emergency, with some locks, you could still break down the door. I don't know much about it, really, because my bedroom doors never had locks on them.

My parents never came into my room anyway; I'm really not sure why they'd want to. Nothing interesting in there! I do have a twin sister, but she wasn't a problem. I don't think she liked coming into my room!

I shared a room with my sister until age 10 when we (finally!) got separate rooms. I don't remember asking for privacy, but I do know that it was immediately given when we got our own rooms. My parents always knocked and waited for permission before entering our rooms. Anyway, at the apartment, the doors were left open a lot in the hotter months anyway because we didn't have central air conditioning.

My parents weren't at all strict, but I knew they loved us, too. My mother made it a point to be respectful of our privacy because her mother went through her things and read her diary. My parents knew they could trust us and our friends.

I remember one time when we were 15 or 16. My parents had, for years by then, allowed us and our friends to hang out at our place unsupervised. (My sister made movies.) A friend of ours had stricter parents and her mother one day insisted on staying with us at our house to watch us. My sister and I were annoyed, and so were my parents. If she was concerned, then she shouldn't have let her daughter come over. The rest of us didn't need a babysitter.

We also had guys and girls start staying the night at our parties when we were 15, although our parents were there. Nothing ever "unseemly" happened at our house. My sister and I both turned out fine.

Tricia
post #34 of 42
I agree with the "privacy is a privilege" as someone else started!

I have 5 children, my boys are only 4 and 5, but my daughters are 11, 13 and soon to be 17. I give them their privacy to an extent.

I knock before I enter their room unless I see reason not to. I dont snoop through my daughter's purse, but she knows I reserve the right to if warranted. They also have their own computer, but know that I can track where they've been, who they've been talking to and monitor their MySpace pages from the comfort of my laptop. Same with my daughter's cell phone. She knows that I can track all calls received and sent from the online detailed bill...

You know your children best. If you think that probing is needed - that is your right! But as long as they earn your trust and respect, they earn a degree of privacy.

My kids all have their own room - but for the boys who share a room, although no one ever sleeps in their own bed. Half the time they're all piled in one bed. Just one big happy family - LOL
post #35 of 42
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marianjela View Post
I agree with the [color="Red"][b]
My kids all have their own room - but for the boys who share a room, although no one ever sleeps in their own bed. Half the time they're all piled in one bed. Just one big happy family - LOL
Thats cute, my sisters and I used to trade beds all the time.

I agree that kids should have some privacy. Obviously no locks on their doors that young but the do not disturb sign is a great idea. I would still knock and then wait for an answer before just walking in unless it is taking too long. We never had locks on the doors growing up. But my youngest sister didn't like people in her room when she wasn't there so she bought a doorknob with a lock and switched them herself lol
post #36 of 42
I hope you are not talking about key locks even if they are teenagers unless there is a problem with theft from other siblings of course.

I would think a privacy lock (when they are teenagers) would be quite enough. You can open them from the outside with a allen wrench.

A guy I work with, has a key lock and a deadbolt on his bedroom door because his own kids will steal from him. His daughter has the same.
One of his son's creepy friends punched a hole in the daughter's bedroom door (hollow core door, big mistake) while the parents weren't around. The daughter was scared to death.
Now she has a solid core door with a lock and deadbolt.
post #37 of 42
Quote:
Originally Posted by ckblv View Post
I would think a privacy lock (when they are teenagers) would be quite enough. You can open them from the outside with a allen wrench.
or even a toothpick!
my parents had the only locking bedroom door in the house i grew up in. if our door was shut, we got a knock. i would consider that sufficient unless you had boys & girls, & the opposite sex didn't respect a closed door.
post #38 of 42
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marianjela View Post
I agree with the "privacy is a privilege" as someone else started!

I have 5 children, my boys are only 4 and 5, but my daughters are 11, 13 and soon to be 17. I give them their privacy to an extent.

I knock before I enter their room unless I see reason not to. I dont snoop through my daughter's purse, but she knows I reserve the right to if warranted. They also have their own computer, but know that I can track where they've been, who they've been talking to and monitor their MySpace pages from the comfort of my laptop. Same with my daughter's cell phone. She knows that I can track all calls received and sent from the online detailed bill...

You know your children best. If you think that probing is needed - that is your right! But as long as they earn your trust and respect, they earn a degree of privacy.

My kids all have their own room - but for the boys who share a room, although no one ever sleeps in their own bed. Half the time they're all piled in one bed. Just one big happy family - LOL
my boys never did that.. Justice would get so upset when he found out Deacon fell asleep in his bed when he wasn't here He'd say "who moved my pillow?!" I told him I did it to find the remote
Quote:
Originally Posted by laureen227 View Post
or even a toothpick!
my parents had the only locking bedroom door in the house i grew up in. if our door was shut, we got a knock. i would consider that sufficient unless you had boys & girls, & the opposite sex didn't respect a closed door.
I have the only lock and Justice has figured out all you have to have is a flathead screwdriver to open it
post #39 of 42
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dixie_Darlin View Post
I have the only lock and Justice has figured out all you have to have is a flathead screwdriver to open it
Does that mean he expects you to respect his privacy but he doesn't respect yours?

It should be a mutual respect IMO.
post #40 of 42
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yosemite View Post
Does that mean he expects you to respect his privacy but he doesn't respect yours?

It should be a mutual respect IMO.
No, he didn't come into my room. I locked myself out and he watched me open it
post #41 of 42
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dixie_Darlin View Post
That's the good part! He does his own laundry, he takes out the trash, makes his bed, sweeps and mops.. his room is more organized then mine!! This is all by his own choice too! He is very responsible and organized
He doesn't want you in his room because he's afraid you will mess it up!

Seriously, it sounds like you are respecting him with some privacy, but not giving him free rein. Sounds right to me!
post #42 of 42
Knocking before you come in is simply a matter of respect-- I would draw the line if he started saying you weren't allowed in his room at all, but a child his age is starting to develop his own identity and a very important part of that is staking out some territory that he feels like he is in charge of. Sort of like how younger children are really into deciding what they will wear.

If he seems inordinately upset about it, then there might be something else going on... maybe he would like to help you make other decisions (you know, stuff like where to go to dinner, minor things but things that will feel like a big deal to him). Maybe he feels like he doesn't have any say in his life?
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