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fun with telemarketers

post #1 of 14
Thread Starter 
Fun with Telemarketers

1. Talk really fast.
2. Turn on the TV. Change the channel to one that only gets static. Turn the volume up really loud. Say that you can't hear them over the static.
3. Make up your own language. Speak it.
4. Hang up.
5. Make up a one word language. Speak it.
6. Say, "This phone line is for emergency use only. Do you have an emergency?"
7. If they say "Yes" to number 6 say, "Please state the nature of the emergency." Then insist that their emergency isn't an emergency. Hang up.
8. If they say "No" to number 6 say, "I'm sorry but this line is for emergencies only." Hang up.
9. Pretend you just took hostages, and make demands.
10. Pretend that you are a hostage negotiator, and try to get the telemarketer to release the hostages.
11. Order a large pepperoni pizza, some garlic bread, and a meatball sub.
12. Pretend that your phone line is an automatic phone sex line.
13. Dial the phone and say, "Hey! I lent you 50 bucks. You better pay up or else I'm gonna come over there and hurt you! "
14. Repeatedly dial the phone. Mutter that it isn't ringing.
15. Claim to be the mafia.
16. Say, "Moe's tavern Moe speaking."
17. Say something that Moe would say to Bart after Bart makes a prank call.
18. Ask him/her if he/she would like a magazine or newspaper subscription.
19. Ask the telemarketer to find your friend Mike last name Rotch. Claim you will only buy a subscription from them.
20. Say, "Oh no! It's the Feds! They're on to us!"
21. Claim to be the FBI. Say, "This is the Federal Bureau of Investigation. How may I help you?"
22. Dial *69. Wait about a minute and say, "Damn unreliable *69."
23. Speak a foreign language.
24. If you do # 24 and the telemarketer gets a person who speaks the language you used, speak another language, use a made up language, or say that you were speaking English the whole time.
25. Pretend that the telemarketer is your husband/wife or boyfriend/girlfriend. Talk sexually, making references to what you are going to do to him/her later tonight. When you "realize" that you are not speaking to your husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend yell, "Pervert!" Slam the phone down to hang up.
26. Say, "Help! I'm being robbed! He's got a gun!"
27. Communicate only through Morse code.
28. Talk to the telemarketer. During the conversation dial the phone, and ask for Bill. Do this repeatedly.
29. Try to sell the telemarketer something.
30. Act drunk.
31. Turn on your shower. Say that you are on a portable phone and are really late for an important meeting. Scream as though you were electrocuted.
32. Ask him/her if he/she can smell bacon. Insist that there is a strong scent of bacon over the phone.
33. Ask if he/she has been to Australia. Regardless of his/her answer ask if you can buy a boomerang and didgeridoo.
34. If he/she says "No" to #33 insist that he/she buy yours.
35. If he/she says "Yes" to #33 ask if he/she will take a strange currency.
36. Pretend to be an escaped mental patient. Mutter things like, "They'll never catch me again," "No! Not the jacket! No, no, no!" After saying one of these mutter incoherently.
37. Make him/her dance for a sale. Claim that you won't buy because you couldn't see him/her dance.
38. Make him/her sing to get a sale.
39. If a male sings for #38, claim that he sounds like Brittany Spears.
40. If a female sings for #38, claim that she sounds like Barry White.
41. Pretend to be really interested. Then say, "No."
42. Engage him/her in an "intellectual" conversation on an extremely boring subject.
43. Say nothing until he/she hangs up.
44. Say, "I told you. I don't know where your dog is!" Then hang up.
45. Keep crackers near the phone. When a telemarketer calls eat the crackers. Chew loudly, make slurping noises, and talk with your mouth full. If you want pretend that you are choking.
46. After he/she hangs up, use *69 or Caller ID to get the phone number. Call the telemarketer.
47. Ask the telemarketer for his/her home phone number. Claim that you need some time to think, and that you'll get back to them.
48. If he/she is selling a newspaper or magazine, go on and on about how great another newspaper/magazine is.
49. Pretend you are a telemarketer from a rival company. Get him/her to buy your product.
50. Say, "Yes" immediately to whatever they are selling and hang up immediately afterwards.
post #2 of 14
Those are good, My DH always answers the phone in a weird voice when they call
post #3 of 14
My DH always tells them that the person they are asking for is dead
post #4 of 14
Have you seen this clip? Warning! Not exactly foul language or anything but some sexual humor included.
post #5 of 14
omg haha im laughing ssooo hard at the vid hehe
post #6 of 14
These are great

My personal favourite telemarketer moment was when I got a call trying to get me to switch my phone service. I told the lady that I didn't have a phone. She was very confused
post #7 of 14
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brandi View Post
My DH always tells them that the person they are asking for is dead
lol I do that
post #8 of 14
when i was a teenager i told a guy who was calling to sell my mom newspapers that i burried her in the basement next to the others(we didnt have a basement). About an hour later the cops showed up! Luckely my mom thought it was funny but the cops werent too impressed.
post #9 of 14
When they called me I would say "no hablo inglés"
So then they'll get a spanish speaking rep and I'll say "no hablo español"
After about 4 times, they hang up
post #10 of 14
I always know when a telemarketer is calling. They usually ask for "Mrs...." If they do I usually say "I'm sorry, she's dead!" (I'm a "Ms" and my deceased Mom was a "Mrs"). There is stunned silence, a bunch of stammering, a quick "sorry" and then a dial tone!
post #11 of 14
You guys have all the fun! I have caller ID.
post #12 of 14
My uncle once played with a phone company rep asking if he wanted to change his long distance. He said he never called anyone. They asked about his family and he told them that he was on parole for killing all them except his dad, and that no one else called him or wished to speak with him except his father because of what he did. They kept transferring him to different reps and he kept retelling the story. They finally told him they didn't think he'd be a good candidate to have long distance! LOL They never called again!

My Grandma also mailed a letter to a certain mail lottery company and told them that she never knew or heard of anyone actually winning it and that she didn't want their "stuff" cluttering up her mailbox every week. Almost 20 years later, she still has never received anything in the mail from them AT ALL. Guess that did the trick....
post #13 of 14
Those are funny!

Whenever people used to ring home trying to sell something my mum would just turn on the hoover and hang the phone on it.

My brother answered one day and it was a double glazing company so he told them in a dead serious voice that we didn`t have any windows in our house
post #14 of 14
Quote:
Originally Posted by mistressotdark View Post
Fun with Telemarketers

1. Talk really fast.
2. Turn on the TV. Change the channel to one that only gets static. Turn the volume up really loud. Say that you can't hear them over the static.
3. Make up your own language. Speak it.
4. Hang up.
5. Make up a one word language. Speak it.
6. Say, "This phone line is for emergency use only. Do you have an emergency?"
7. If they say "Yes" to number 6 say, "Please state the nature of the emergency." Then insist that their emergency isn't an emergency. Hang up.
8. If they say "No" to number 6 say, "I'm sorry but this line is for emergencies only." Hang up.
9. Pretend you just took hostages, and make demands.
10. Pretend that you are a hostage negotiator, and try to get the telemarketer to release the hostages.
11. Order a large pepperoni pizza, some garlic bread, and a meatball sub.
12. Pretend that your phone line is an automatic phone sex line.
13. Dial the phone and say, "Hey! I lent you 50 bucks. You better pay up or else I'm gonna come over there and hurt you! "
14. Repeatedly dial the phone. Mutter that it isn't ringing.
15. Claim to be the mafia.
16. Say, "Moe's tavern Moe speaking."
17. Say something that Moe would say to Bart after Bart makes a prank call.
18. Ask him/her if he/she would like a magazine or newspaper subscription.
19. Ask the telemarketer to find your friend Mike last name Rotch. Claim you will only buy a subscription from them.
20. Say, "Oh no! It's the Feds! They're on to us!"
21. Claim to be the FBI. Say, "This is the Federal Bureau of Investigation. How may I help you?"
22. Dial *69. Wait about a minute and say, "Damn unreliable *69."
23. Speak a foreign language.
24. If you do # 24 and the telemarketer gets a person who speaks the language you used, speak another language, use a made up language, or say that you were speaking English the whole time.
25. Pretend that the telemarketer is your husband/wife or boyfriend/girlfriend. Talk sexually, making references to what you are going to do to him/her later tonight. When you "realize" that you are not speaking to your husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend yell, "Pervert!" Slam the phone down to hang up.
26. Say, "Help! I'm being robbed! He's got a gun!"
27. Communicate only through Morse code.
28. Talk to the telemarketer. During the conversation dial the phone, and ask for Bill. Do this repeatedly.
29. Try to sell the telemarketer something.
30. Act drunk.
31. Turn on your shower. Say that you are on a portable phone and are really late for an important meeting. Scream as though you were electrocuted.
32. Ask him/her if he/she can smell bacon. Insist that there is a strong scent of bacon over the phone.
33. Ask if he/she has been to Australia. Regardless of his/her answer ask if you can buy a boomerang and didgeridoo.
34. If he/she says "No" to #33 insist that he/she buy yours.
35. If he/she says "Yes" to #33 ask if he/she will take a strange currency.
36. Pretend to be an escaped mental patient. Mutter things like, "They'll never catch me again," "No! Not the jacket! No, no, no!" After saying one of these mutter incoherently.
37. Make him/her dance for a sale. Claim that you won't buy because you couldn't see him/her dance.
38. Make him/her sing to get a sale.
39. If a male sings for #38, claim that he sounds like Brittany Spears.
40. If a female sings for #38, claim that she sounds like Barry White.
41. Pretend to be really interested. Then say, "No."
42. Engage him/her in an "intellectual" conversation on an extremely boring subject.
43. Say nothing until he/she hangs up.
44. Say, "I told you. I don't know where your dog is!" Then hang up.
45. Keep crackers near the phone. When a telemarketer calls eat the crackers. Chew loudly, make slurping noises, and talk with your mouth full. If you want pretend that you are choking.
46. After he/she hangs up, use *69 or Caller ID to get the phone number. Call the telemarketer.
47. Ask the telemarketer for his/her home phone number. Claim that you need some time to think, and that you'll get back to them.
48. If he/she is selling a newspaper or magazine, go on and on about how great another newspaper/magazine is.
49. Pretend you are a telemarketer from a rival company. Get him/her to buy your product.
50. Say, "Yes" immediately to whatever they are selling and hang up immediately afterwards.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Ryn View Post
Have you seen this clip? Warning! Not exactly foul language or anything but some sexual humor included.


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