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May my mother rest in peace - Page 4

post #91 of 107
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by laureen227 View Post
so true - if you have or had a good mother-daughter relationship, there just is no substitute for that.
keep talking to us - we're all here for you, always!
We did a lot of things together and I could talk to her about most things and she always seemed to know the answer or try to find a brighter side to things.

I told my best friend that I wasn't even going to bother with a birthday cake because I have to do all the cooking on thanksgiving. With the way things are going, I probably won't care either way.

I told her she is welcomed to come over, but I don't know if I will want to be around others.
post #92 of 107
Quote:
Originally Posted by Duchess15 View Post
I told her she is welcomed to come over, but I don't know if I will want to be around others.
probably not, but if she's the right kind of friend, she'll be there, anyway.
post #93 of 107
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by laureen227 View Post
probably not, but if she's the right kind of friend, she'll be there, anyway.
My mom was like her second mom so she is always welcome.
post #94 of 107
Oh, Sabrina... no, your dad is not your mom, but then, nobody can be, y'know? I know you want your mother back right now, and I so understand... but please don't forget to appreciate your dad, too. If you and he can lean on each other, maybe this will go easier for you both.

And by golly, if your father doesn't make you a birthday cake this year, I will! How do you feel about German chocolate cake?
post #95 of 107
Quote:
Originally Posted by Duchess15 View Post
We did a lot of things together and I could talk to her about most things and she always seemed to know the answer or try to find a brighter side to things.

I told my best friend that I wasn't even going to bother with a birthday cake because I have to do all the cooking on thanksgiving. With the way things are going, I probably won't care either way.

I told her she is welcomed to come over, but I don't know if I will want to be around others.
Honey, it's ok to boycott holidays after something like this. It will take time to get in the holiday mood again. After my dad died, mom went out for Thanksgiving dinner with the family instead of cooking dinner. I didn't celebrate thanksgiving or christmas (well, I did eat a turkey sandwich on Thanksgiving, but I lived far away from my mom and getting back home was impossible). My first birthday after mom died, I just wanted to ignore it, but that weekend my MIL (then, future MIL) had a family dinner and had a cake for me and I just bawled. She felt so bad.

Thanksgiving is a long way off, so before you make any decisions now....wait and see how you feel at that time. I don't think anyone wouldn't understand if you say you don't want to cook, or have dinner there.

Christmas is the hard one for me, because my mom loved it so much. I'm just now getting to the point that decorating for Christmas is exciting...it took me 3 years to be able to get a real tree and unwrap all the traditional decorations. I'm still not "there" yet, but I'm getting there.

Basically, you have to take things at your own speed. Don't worry about Thanksgiving or your birthday yet...deal with the next few days and weeks and months and see how you feel.

It takes time.
post #96 of 107
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by CarolPetunia View Post
Oh, Sabrina... no, your dad is not your mom, but then, nobody can be, y'know? I know you want your mother back right now, and I so understand... but please don't forget to appreciate your dad, too. If you and he can lean on each other, maybe this will go easier for you both.

And by golly, if your father doesn't make you a birthday cake this year, I will! How do you feel about German chocolate cake?
I have some of my mom's friends trying to do things with me. I think it's really nice of them, but I miss her. I just hope to get through this year.

Quote:
Originally Posted by calico2222 View Post
Honey, it's ok to boycott holidays after something like this. It will take time to get in the holiday mood again. After my dad died, mom went out for Thanksgiving dinner with the family instead of cooking dinner. I didn't celebrate thanksgiving or christmas (well, I did eat a turkey sandwich on Thanksgiving, but I lived far away from my mom and getting back home was impossible). My first birthday after mom died, I just wanted to ignore it, but that weekend my MIL (then, future MIL) had a family dinner and had a cake for me and I just bawled. She felt so bad.

Thanksgiving is a long way off, so before you make any decisions now....wait and see how you feel at that time. I don't think anyone wouldn't understand if you say you don't want to cook, or have dinner there.

Christmas is the hard one for me, because my mom loved it so much. I'm just now getting to the point that decorating for Christmas is exciting...it took me 3 years to be able to get a real tree and unwrap all the traditional decorations. I'm still not "there" yet, but I'm getting there.

Basically, you have to take things at your own speed. Don't worry about Thanksgiving or your birthday yet...deal with the next few days and weeks and months and see how you feel.

It takes time.
My dad is not in great health so I worry that something could happen to him also. I'm terrified if he goes also because then I will have NO ONE. What good are birthdays if you have no one to celebrate with? That is my fear and I know it will happen sooner than later.

I'm afraid that I will come home to an empty house and have no one to talk to or to rely on. I knew this would come one day, but not this soon and not like this.
post #97 of 107
Thread Starter 
I wish she were here so I could figure out this mess!
post #98 of 107
Quote:
Originally Posted by Duchess15 View Post
I wish she were here so I could figure out this mess!
i know you really wish she were here for other reasons after all, if she still were here, & healthy - there wouldn't be a mess to figure out, now, would there? but you'd be much happier, i know sorry i can't be of any help...
post #99 of 107
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by laureen227 View Post
i know you really wish she were here for other reasons after all, if she still were here, & healthy - there wouldn't be a mess to figure out, now, would there? but you'd be much happier, i know sorry i can't be of any help...
True....I'd give all the money I had if it would bring her back. I knew balancing hers would be difficult.
post #100 of 107
Oh hon I wish I had words to make you feel better but I just don't. Everything I can think of just doesn't do justice to what my heart wants to say, so I'm just sending lots of prayers and virtual hugs your way.
post #101 of 107
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by MoochNNoodles View Post
Oh hon I wish I had words to make you feel better but I just don't. Everything I can think of just doesn't do justice to what my heart wants to say, so I'm just sending lots of prayers and virtual hugs your way.
Thanks.
post #102 of 107
I only just now saw this thread. My thoughts are with you. I cant imagine how hard this is for you Your mom sounds like she was an amazing woman.
post #103 of 107
Quote:
Originally Posted by Duchess15 View Post
True....I'd give all the money I had if it would bring her back. I knew balancing hers would be difficult.
I can't HUG you enough!!! I so feel your pain!!

I would do ANYTHING in the whole world to have my dad again.
post #104 of 107
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by catloverin_ks View Post
I can't HUG you enough!!! I so feel your pain!!

I would do ANYTHING in the whole world to have my dad again.
It just doesn't get easier, does it? If something happens to my dad, I will have no one.
post #105 of 107
I know it's hard to face every day thinking that way, it's the way mortality effects all of us. I have had several gut check moments thinking what happens to me when i'm alone. And that question is always in the back of our minds.
You must be feeling your own mortality since the death of your mother, I can certainly comisserate. I wish I could tell you this feeling goes away but it's always there, just somewhat stronger some days from others.
post #106 of 107
i am so so sorry. i lost my mom in 1985 and reading some of
your posts brings me back like it was yesterday. my heart breaks for you.
you can see in the pictures you posted of her what a lively spirit she had.
she passed that on to you i'm sure. she will live on in you and in everything
you do. i know you miss her with every fiber in your body.

big hugs.
post #107 of 107
Thread Starter 
Thanks. I try, but everything reminds me of her. I wake up each morning feeling like it is a bad dream. I don't want to be here nor there and I feel like anything I do doesn't even matter. I'm still very tired from taking care of her to the hospital to trying to get all the paperwork done.
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