I've been thinking of you today, hoping the service was a comfort to you. I'm so sorry the cemetery isn't what you hoped for.
But if I understand right, your mom is resting now in one of the official National Cemeteries which are created and maintained by the armed forces strictly for veterans and their families. They are all operated by the same standards as the famous Arlington National Cemetery in Virginia. [Edit: I just checked what you sent me, and I'm mistaken -- yours is a state-run veteran's cemetery, but it appears to follow the same standards as the national ones, and is intended to serve the same purpose.]
In a way, our family felt the same way about the Dallas/Fort Worth National Cemetery, where my father is buried. The precise sameness of every marker was disappointing at first. I guess it's natural that we should want to make our loved one's resting place unique and expressive of who that person was... and that can be done only to a very limited degree in our National Cemeteries.
It's more difficult for you, perhaps, because your mother was not a soldier -- but maybe you'll feel better if you view her grave as the place where your father, too, will someday be laid to rest. When you consider the inclusiveness
of military service, the fact that people from all backgrounds and all walks of life come together in the armed forces for a common good, you may be able to see a certain kind of dignity and rightness to the uniformity of a National Cemetery.
I've come to feel that it's right
that everyone buried in a National Cemetery is treated equally, regardless of rank or stature or background or family situation. My father, a Lieutenant Colonel, rests between a Corporal and a Sergeant, and his headstone is exactly like theirs. That strikes me as a perfectly American
way of doing things. It's an expression of our commitment to equality.
Since our family is not wealthy, we wouldn't have been able to provide a headstone that really reflected what we feel about my father, anyway -- and if we had,
my father would have been embarrassed by it, I'm sure.
For all his accomplishments, he remained a very humble man, and he dearly loved the enlisted men, the lowest ranks in the Army, the so-called "grunts" who he felt did the riskiest and dirtiest work, but got the least glory.
So I know my father would be happy not to have anything distinguishing about his resting place, aside from the yellow roses we placed there last week. I think he would feel it is special enough to be among his fellow soldiers, in a place that will be protected and cared for with dignity for as long as there's an America.
Does that help you at all? I hope you can come to view your mother's grave as the place of great honor that it is meant to be.