How do you release your rage and frustration?

Without going into detail: I find myself at a major crossroads right now, and no matter which path I take, I'm going to to have to cope with being misunderstood (wilfully, I think) to the point of being demonized... dismissed as beneath contempt due to issues I've been trying desperately to overcome and am finally making progress on (just not enough progress to justify my existence, apparently)... and punished for my failures by being forcibly estranged from my beloved little nephew and knowing that he is being taught to depise me.

No matter what I do from now on, I will be dealing with intolerable levels of rage, heartbreak, and loneliness for the foreseeable future. Tonight I'm dealing with it by taking an overdose of my mother's Xanax, but I know that's not right. I'd like drive 90mph into a bridge abutment, but thanks to the Xanax, I'm not quite crazy enough for that.

So... if you've been in this place and come through... can you suggest anything? A door was slammed into my hands today and they're stiff and painful right now, so beating something to a pulp with a baseball bat is not an option. Nor can I just walk away into the night, never to be heard from again -- my mom needs me. I'm out of ideas on how to cope with all this hurt and anger in any nonpharmaceutical way.

Suggestions very welcome.

Carol,
Im so sorry youre feeling this way! I know what its like...to release mine sometimes I write either a freewrite it doesnt have to rhyme but I write down everything Im feeling at the moment...then I either keep it and read it later when Ive calmed down and it helps me come to reason with what I was feeling and better ways to get around it or sometimes I tear it into tiny pieces or burn it. If I chose to destory it...it is a way of releasing my issues with it and seeing that Sunshine always follows the storm...other times I read peoples poetry on sites like www.poetry.com or www.poetictimes.com...If its warm enough or even a bit chilly I go for a walk...often times to my dads grave(its within walking distance of my house) and I sit and talk to him(yes I know hes not there but it helps relieve my stress just to think hes there and know the advice he would have given me. If I have a good book sometimes I will curl up with it a few cats and a good milkshake or fruit smoothie. I also just talk to my mom or a good friend about how Im feeling that seems to help too...and other times I just lock myself in my room with the cats and dogs and cry...they all curl up next to me and I cry until I feel better! Other days I curl up with a pint of Ben and Jerrys a good movie usually Fried Green Tomatoes and a blanket and cry during all its sad parts...and laugh during the good parts!! If I was there Id give you a and tell you it will all be ok!! Trust me it will!

Originally Posted by Carol

Tonight I'm dealing with it by taking an overdose of my mother's Xanax

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WHAT!!!

OMG! Call an ambulance and please get to the hospital!!!! Suicide is not the answer!!!

OMG! OMG! Is there anyone in her area that can go and see her?!

I only know of one other user that's in Plano, and I think he's only on here morning to afternoon.

Carol, please please get some grief counseling soon. You need someone there to help you through this.

i hope your just venting and not really the Xanax,
if not, then call a doctor now.

OMG i sure hope all is well! God!!!

Does anyone know any of the moderators here off of the forum? Can someone call one of them, or get them in a chat program!!!

Oh Carol!!! I don't know what to say. I've been there, but I went to the doctor because I was only worried what my suicide would do to my kids. Think of your mom. She needs you right now. Please get some help. Really, honestly, it's not as bad as it seems. And I know how bad it can get. I'm really really praying for you right now!

I never took it like what she said but an OD of xanax...I hope and pray she is ok....and that someone can get in touch with her soon! I done that a couple of times after my dad died but nothing serious just more then enough to calm me down but not hurt me. Thats the way I took what she meant...

I hope someone gets in touch with her! this doesnt sound good! P

Oh Carol!!! I am so very sorry your feeling like this~~

Please know I am just a PM away!!!

Please come back on and let us know your ok!!

Oh honey this is horrible. I really hope you didn't take that much Xanax. I'm sorry you are feeling so bad right now. I don't have any advice because I don't know how to deal with my anger in a healthy way either. I just end up being a total B to everyone. I think you should see a therapist which is what I'm considering. Please get better soon.

Carol, obviously there is a LOT of concern for you here. I have to agree, self-medicating (if you are exaggerating about "overdosing" on the Xanax) or seriously overdosing are not good options. You said yourself that your mother needs you. And you can see from the reaction here that there are a lot of people who do care for you, even if we aren't necessarily there in you area.

That's my personal take.

Here's the official, moderator take.

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While the administration of The Cat Site is strongly supportive of the idea of providing a place for our members to help each other through tough times and to share their failures and successes in seeking treatment for their psychological disorders, it is vital that everyone is aware that The Cat Site absolutely cannot be a substitute for professional intervention. Also, neither the administration nor the members of The Cat Site can be expected to provide accurate information regarding mentalillness nor can we intervene when a member is in risk of harm to self or others.

The administration of The Cat Site strongly suggests that those seeking information and support while dealing with a psychological disorder visit the web site of the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill http://www.NAMI.org This is a truly wonderful organization and the web site has extremely valuable information and links to other sites that have been approved by NAMI.

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Carol, there are many of us here who have dealt with or are currently dealing with depression or other mental issues. I can tell you from experience that counceling really does work. Please seek out help for yourself, whether through local resources or NAMI.

Carol

I know you've posted about some of your family members before and what they do towards you is completely uncalled for. What can we tell you that you haven't told yourself a thousand times before? You're better than they are, although I don't think you always give yourself credit for that. I know your mom needs you, but don't take crap from the rest of your family. They have no right to dump on you.

What helped me was reading books on religion, self-help and empowerment books, and especially books about what I was going through and about other people who went through it. Don't pace around, don't drive, don't rage, just get some books from the library and go home and devour them. It will help so much!

Sure hope your brother and/or his wife straighten up soon. Send me an email if you want to talk on the phone, Carol. I'm not busy and would love to talk. You will get through this.

I know you've gone through a lot lately....and no matter how angry people get or anything like that.....your family still needs you. Your mother needs you, you have been her best friend, you have helped her so much, don't do anything you will regret.

Oh lord, I'm sorry, I didn't realize how that sounded -- I haven't even read all your posts yet, but please forgive me for using the word "overdose" -- yes, I took four times what they prescribed, and it was not my medicine in the first place, so I did a bad thing -- but it wasn't a really dangerous dose. It made me stagger around until I laid down, and then I slept hard, and that helped. I'm okay... please forgive me for worrying you. And for being such a mess lately. I know I have to pull myself together. I will, I swear. It just feels like one step forward and two steps back, y'know?

I think my right hand may be broken after all, so between that and the fact that I apparently really do need some anti-anxiety medication, I do plan to call a doctor tomorrow. I wanted so much to be done with medicine. But as long as everything is like this, I do need help, no way around it.

Let me go back and read your posts now... bless your hearts for caring so much. Don't worry -- I'm going to stay on a lower dose of Xanax until I can get in to see a doctor, just so I don't fall that far again.

Carol, there are lots of resources out there. Just today I was talking to my patient who is a social worker at a hospice, and she said that many hospices offer several free sessions of grief counseling to people in the community who have suffered a loss. Please, please look into it! I know you're dealing with more than your father's passing, but at least they would be able to help you with your grief, and to possibly help get you into another program that charges on a sliding scale (oftentimes that is as low as $1 per session). Your post is very alarming, and from the sounds of it you really need someone who can help you!

You're an important person to many people, even if it doesn't seem like it right now. Your mother for one, and you have friends.

Please reach out for help...call those who have offered a shoulder for you to cry on, and avail yourself of the services that can help you through this dark time!