How do you release your rage and frustration?

Carol, I have to assume you're not actually going to take enough Xanax to OD as you're seeking advice on how to get through this. (Brandi - I read it the same way you did).

While I think anti-depressants might actually help get you through something this difficult, Xanax is an anti-anxiety medication, not an anti-depressant. I would definitely look into finding a psychiatrist in your area you can work with, because although many GPs will prescribe anti-depressants or anti-anxiety meds, they are SO not prepared to actually deal with mental anxiety or depression of any kind!

You do NOT have to suffer through this alone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! When life threw me a lot of curves and I felt totally overwhelmed, I (eventually) sought counseling. That was the best investment I ever made. Before I got there, I read a lot of self-help books, I took water-aerobics (exercise can really help fight depression, and that was the avenue I felt most comfortable with), and I did a lot of journal writing. I recommend ALL of these. And a good cry always helped.

But these only got me so far. I needed someone trained in dealing with my mental anguish. And it sounds to me like that's where you are. You need to work with someone trained in dealing with this. Don't think of it as a stigma - think of it as a TOOL, because that's what it is. A counselor doesn't tell you what to feel or think or how to deal with anything - they help you sort out what you feel, they provide a platform where you can freely - and without judgment - express what you feel, no matter how much of it is totally conflicting. And that's the point - they simply help you sort it out, provide a trained ear, and help YOU find solutions in dealing with yourself and others that works for you. The most important thing is to find someone you want to work with. I went through several - the initial ones were just one or two meetings - until I found the person that felt right for me.

Carol, you will get through this, and no matter what you decide in terms of dealing with it, you will come out stronger and in a better place for it.





Laurie

*phew* Carol, you posted while I was writing my post. Thank goodness you just meant you took more than you should have, but not a dangerous amount.



Laurie

Originally Posted by clixpix

Carol, there are lots of resources out there. Just today I was talking to my patient who is a social worker at a hospice, and she said that many hospices offer several free sessions of grief counseling to people in the community who have suffered a loss. Please, please look into it! I know you're dealing with more than your father's passing, but at least they would be able to help you with your grief, and to possibly help get you into another program that charges on a sliding scale (oftentimes that is as low as $1 per session). Your post is very alarming, and from the sounds of it you really need someone who can help you!

You're an important person to many people, even if it doesn't seem like it right now. Your mother for one, and you have friends.

Please reach out for help...call those who have offered a shoulder for you to cry on, and avail yourself of the services that can help you through this dark time!

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This was said so well that it bears repeating!

I've read it all now -- thank you so much for all your concern and moral support and good ideas. You've led me to at least two concrete actions I can take...

1. In another thread, someone tracked down some sliding-scale health and social services available in my county... and I think I'll start there tomorrow. Maybe they can at least look at my hand, which is worse by the hour. And yes, I know that meds are far more effective in combination with counseling... so I'll see if that's available too.

2. And maybe at some point, we can just all go, Mom and brother and me, for some family counseling. I hate to admit that we're in such a state, but we are, and it's either pursue some kind of resolution this way, or maybe Mom and I just have to lose contact with my brother, just for the sake of self-preservation. It would mean losing my nephew too, Mom's only grandchild... it would break our hearts.

And on the one hand, when I get broken like this, it throws me back down into the deep hole of depression, sets me back... but there's also this defiant feeling of by god you won't destroy me, I'll get it together and get a good job and regain some ability to control my life. If I can just cling that to determination, I know I'll get through.

I'm sorry if this is disjointed -- I would normally edit it, but typing with just one uninjured finger is so slow. Thank you for your help, my friends... oh, I hope it's the last time I call on you for awhile.

Thank you, Laureen -- I'll clear out that box in a moment!

I hope you'll feel better soon.

Originally Posted by laureen227

thanks! i sent it! take some NSAIDs for your hand, if you haven't already - not aspirin, but ibuprofen or tylenol...

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And ice!

Originally Posted by CarolPetunia

I hope it's the last time I call on you for awhile.

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Carol, you can call on me anytime. No matter what the problem is.

I concur with the others!!

I hope you are feeling better today and get some attention for your hand.

Please feel free to pm me if you need to talk.

Take care-I'm here for you.

I have been extreemly depressed several times in my life. I have thought about some of the things you are thinking about and all I can say is find somone to talk to, somone you can tell all of your secrets to, even i your speeking into a tape recorder and then destroy the tape. Keeping it all bottled up inside will do damage to you mentally and physically.

Originally Posted by laureen227

and pharmeceutical help is ok, but not self-medicating w/someone else's drugs

in answer to your question: i've been suicidal, & got legally prescribed pharmeceutical help. if this is going to be an ongoing issue, you really need to seek a professional.
also, check w/your church for spiritual counseling - most churches offer it on a sliding scale, if $ is an issue.

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"check w/your church for spiritual counseling-most churches offer it on a sliding scale if $ is an issue?????"

Do you know how rediculous that sounds? You ask a church for help and they are going to charge you $$$$ to give you spiritual enlightenment to try to help and support you thru a suicide (which is one very unchristianlike and in most places illegal) I guess that is typical hypocriticism always wanting your money because its Gods way? She needs professional help not to have to PAY God to help her. Your seriously going to tell me that a person who wants to take their own life is going to Pay our all merciful God to help them? NOT

But on the other hand please dont overdose on Xanax, My x-stepdaughters went thru that with their mother, she overdosed on a full bottle of xanax a full bottle of blood pressure meds and there were 31 undisolved aspirin in her stomach and digestive tract. I was there with them every step of the way thru their grief and blaming themselves for their mothers death and wanting to kill themselves. But with support from their grandmother, friends, their father and I, and each other, we all made it thru it and now the two oldest are both in college, the middle one is getting an associates in law enforcement in the fall, the oldest is working towards her degree in social services so she can counsel people with problems similar to those they went thru, and the youngest graduates high school in may and is on her way to advanced training in the army (she took her basic over her summer break before going into her senior year) and in january of 2009 going to Irag to fight for our country and also making her career as a Army Military Police. So my point is, Suicide is never the answer. For i had three beautiful stepdaughters that all wanted to kill themselves because of their mothers suicide and the guilt they felt. They were A,B students in school that all three dropped to failing and almost did fail, but we all found enlightenment thru just being together and supportive for each other, a lot of hugging and crying, and release thru drama class, exercise and sports. The following year in school, thru the friends they gained in sports and drama, and the support of their father and I their grades improved to the A,B students they were and now in college they are deans list students. It was a rough time for all of us but we made it and so will you. If you dont have alot of friends then find an activity that you can make friends from, ;You will gain a few things from it, one you will be able to keep your mind off of things if you are doing an activity that you enjoy releasing endorphins that will relieve stress and anxiety, finding some kind of extracirrucular activity will help you make friends that you can have fun with and talk about things with, and it will also show you that there are things out there that are so much better than any pharmeceutical you can take. MAYBE going to church will help you IF that is what you truly believe in but since you are talking suicide I highly doubt that is what you believe in or you wouldnt be thinking about it in the first place. Christianity is NOT always the answer. You can lead a horse to water but if the horse doesnt like water hes not going to drink it no matter how much you tell him the water will save him.

I don't have any great advice on how to release it. I need to learn some more effective ways. Usually, I just hold it all in until I get home and then cry. Then eat. Then eat with a book. Sometimes I'll dance around like a fool to get some of the energy out. Poor kitties have to see that

I hope your hand isn't smushed and that it heals quickly. That has to be so painful!

Carol,

I'm glad to hear that you are feel somewhat better. I was worried when I read your first post last night. I'm glad you are going to look into counseling, it will help you a lot and maybe possible getting antidepressants as well.

I would do as others have suggested... writing in a journal, (it doesn't have to be prefect, just your thoughts, etc) taking a walk, hugging the kitties, dance.

Please be safe!

Originally Posted by strange_wings

Carol, please please get some grief counseling soon. You need someone there to help you through this.

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I don't go into rages, but I'm dealing with an overload of grief at the moment, so I sought out some counseling services and am coping much better as a result.

Best wishes to you!

Originally Posted by hammyandwaf

"check w/your church for spiritual counseling-most churches offer it on a sliding scale if $ is an issue?????"

Do you know how rediculous that sounds? You ask a church for help and they are going to charge you $$$$answer. You can lead a horse to water but if the horse doesnt like water hes not going to drink it no matter how much you tell him the water will save him.

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Bills gotta get paid,
Far as i know, most do have free help for members.

I am so sorry to hear you go through so much!!!!! It is awful that your beloved nephew is being taught to hate you. I would be devastated if my nieces didn't love me anymore. Please get counseling, I'm sure it will help you to feel better. My thoughts and prayers are with you!!!!

-OMG-
i just sat here now reading this and hoping you were ok im sooo glad your ok!
BIIIIG HUGS!!
i wen through stages of depression and still do, but one thing i have learnt is theres ALWAYS someone who depends on you and would be lost without you!

If you ever just want to vent PM me!
im not going too air my past here, but if you need anything let me know i may be
a million miles away, but it can help too chat!