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My sweet boy

post #1 of 11
Thread Starter 
I am struggling with the loss of my sweet grey kitty - Gandalf or Baby G as we often called him. He was 12 1/2 and I have owned him for 12 of those years. He came from a rescue shelter. He has moved with me across country and out of the country and for most of his life he has been an indoor cat. This was a one person cat. He hid from everyone but me; although he recently made a small gesture to my new husband. He would come up in our bed and walk all over us; but only when he knew we were awake, and then he would nestle down on my husband's chest and nudge his chin with his head. While he did this he had the most delighted look on his face. But when my husband was upright or sitting he would have nothing to do with him.
He was smart and sweet and loving and I miss him terribly.
Please note that I said he was mostly an indoor cat. It is for this reason my grief is also mixed with guilt. Against my better judgement I listened to my husband telling me that he would be happier in our new location, having the chance to run in the tropical sunshine and breezes, and he did seem to be really happy and loving his new environment. Sadly, we took an overnight trip on Saturday, had someone come in to cat sit him, and while he was out we believe he was attacked. When we came back home on Sunday I noted that he was not there (he had the run of indoors and outdoors; to come and go as he wished.) His not being there was not unusual, but his food had not been touched. We looked for him, called him, to no avail, same thing the next day and the next. Yesterday morning I looked over our balcony and noticed a clump of fur. Naturally I panicked and went to look and found his small lifeless body. He had come back to die and I didn't get the chance to comfort him or to say goodbye. It is agonizing to know how he suffered and that we never found him in time to save him. We buried him yesterday with a home made headstone and inscription under a beautiful tree overlooking the Bay.
I keep thinking I hear him, I know something is missing at 5:30 and he shoud be fed. I cry and cry and I keep seeing his little body lying there on the ground. I came here for understanding and support.
Aside from my husband, who is also very saddened by our "little" tragedy, ther is noone else to talk to.
Thanks for listening.
LL
post #2 of 11
I'm so sorry that happened to your Baby G. Rest in peace little one. I know how heartbreaking it can be to lose one to a tragedy...especially one you've had for so long.
post #3 of 11
I'm so sorry for your loss.
post #4 of 11
I'm so sorry you lost your sweet boy. He probably did love his days of freedom. I'm sure he knew he was loved and valued by you. It will become easier as time goes by and the happy memories become stronger than the sense of loss.

The people here on the cat site, don't think of it as a "small" tragedy to lose a cat you've loved for so many years. We know how painful and difficult it is.

I'm sending prayers for you, your husband, and for Baby G.
post #5 of 11
Thread Starter 
It is hard enough that I miss him and want to hold him, but the hardest part is knowing his end was cruel and that he suffered and I could not hold him and ease any of his suffering because he was "gone" when I found him. I feel so badly about that part.
I thank you all for your caring thoughts. They mean a great deal
post #6 of 11
Quote:
Originally Posted by Don Don View Post
It is hard enough that I miss him and want to hold him, but the hardest part is knowing his end was cruel and that he suffered and I could not hold him and ease any of his suffering because he was "gone" when I found him. I feel so badly about that part.
I thank you all for your caring thoughts. They mean a great deal
I am so sorry for your loss.
post #7 of 11
rest in peace Gandalf, play well at the bridge
post #8 of 11
I am so sorry for your loss.
post #9 of 11
So sorry to hear about your sweetie Gandalf, may he rest in peace
post #10 of 11
i'm so sorry for your loss. i know there is little that can ease your pain at this moment. but you did not let him out for any other reason than to better his life. you will find peace in your memories of your little boy in time.

RIP gandalf.
post #11 of 11
Thread Starter 
I did think it would get easier; and it has...sort of...but I wake up... and fall asleep missing him and feeling empty. I look at the clock at 5:30 and wonder why he isn't bothering me to be fed. I sit at the computer to type (located right by the louvered windows) and wonder why he isn't on the floor at my side looking out the window, but always within reach of a pat. There is this empty place where he should be and we still, insticntively leave the door to the balcony open so he can get in and out. I wonder when we will stop...
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