What do you do for your spouse?

kittycorner · Mar 20, 2008

I was wondering what you do to show your spouse (not asked of course) you care and love them. I am talking a small massage at the end of a long day, a dreaded chore around the house, those types of things. And if they do something nice for you do you feel bad that they did it or does it make you love them more?

I made a promise to my husband before our daughter was born 9 mos ago, that as soon as she was born I would help him with his diet and help him lose weight. I have been getting up early and making his breakfast and lunch for the day. He has started a new job that requires him to leave the house before 5:30. Now I am getting up at 4:45 in the morning to make his breakfast and lunch before he leave and also to get ready for my day as well. I am not doing it to be a martyr or because "I have to", but because I want to and that was the promise I made. I think he is having trouble with it all because I don't get home from work unitl 7-7:15, and we barely have enough time to feed our daughter and put her to bed, before we have to go to bed ourselves. Does not leave much time for us. I wouldn't do it if I didn't want to or care, so why should he feel bad??

Anywone else do things like this for their spouse and do they feel bad too??

yosemite · Mar 20, 2008

That's a wonderful thing you are doing. Honouring commitments is very important to me as well.

I've been married to hubby for 30+ years and we still always say thank you to each other. I thank him if he does something to fix my car or fix something around the house that I've asked him to do. I always make sure he has a good meal on the table because he doesn't like junk food and appreciates good food. He almost always thanks me for making a nice dinner and that still amazes me since I feel it is part of my job in the partnership.

So, my theory is to never take the other person for granted, continue to show appreciation by at least saying thank you on a regular basis so the other person doesn't feel taken advantage of.

persi & alley · Mar 20, 2008

Originally Posted by kittycorner

I was wondering what you do to show your spouse (not asked of course) you care and love them. I am talking a small massage at the end of a long day, a dreaded chore around the house, those types of things. And if they do something nice for you do you feel bad that they did it or does it make you love them more?

I made a promise to my husband before our daughter was born 9 mos ago, that as soon as she was born I would help him with his diet and help him lose weight. I have been getting up early and making his breakfast and lunch for the day. He has started a new job that requires him to leave the house before 5:30. Now I am getting up at 4:45 in the morning to make his breakfast and lunch before he leave and also to get ready for my day as well. I am not doing it to be a martyr or because "I have to", but because I want to and that was the promise I made. I think he is having trouble with it all because I don't get home from work unitl 7-7:15, and we barely have enough time to feed our daughter and put her to bed, before we have to go to bed ourselves. Does not leave much time for us. I wouldn't do it if I didn't want to or care, so why should he feel bad??

Anywone else do things like this for their spouse and do they feel bad too??

Make the beds, mop the floors, vacuum the rugs, do the wash, clean the windows, take care of the cats, pay the bills, have dinner ready when DW comes home, and most important of all, communicate.

addiebee · Mar 20, 2008

Originally Posted by Yosemite

That's a wonderful thing you are doing. Honouring commitments is very important to me as well.

So, my theory is to never take the other person for granted, continue to show appreciation by at least saying thank you on a regular basis so the other person doesn't feel taken advantage of.

Yes, yes, yes... sometimes I do feel as though I am taken for granted!! Not just by my BF!! So when someone acknowledges what I have done, and reciprocates in some way, it feels really good!!

jugen · Mar 20, 2008

I am taken advantage of at work all the time, and I hate it. It makes me feel just horrible and hateful.

At home however it's another story. Dh cooks for me, helps out with the cat boxes, feeds the fish, and takes care of the outside of the house, lawn care, snow shoveling(until this year

)
I do all the laundry, vacuum, sweep and mop the floors, dust, clean all three bathrooms, share the cat litter responsibilities, and feeding of the fish. Hmmm. doesn't seem like much when you write it out. But it's a three hour job just to clean the house some days. ( I'm a perfectionist....)

bella713 · Mar 20, 2008

I always have 18 boxes of cereal in the pantry so he has a variety

babyharley · Mar 20, 2008

Originally Posted by Bella713

I always have 18 boxes of cereal in the pantry so he has a variety

I love it

He is so spoiled

I do a lot for John, I clean up after him, I cook, I put away the laundry & really don't make him do much of anything. I usually try to take him to lunch/dinner once a week and he does the same for me

I do all of that because I want to, and because if I don't do it, its not done right

kittycorner · Mar 20, 2008

I definitly think that acknowleging the nice deed is a neccessity to any situation-and to keep a marriage going communication is a must! Cleaning the cat boxes is something I wish he would do more of-with 9 kitties they fill up fast and it is a chore that no one likes doing, but has to be done. I do not mind the things I do-keeping the house clean, laundry, taking care of our 9 mos. old daughter and taking care of all the kitties, birds and fish. He does his share as well, so to me making breakfast and lunch for him is no big deal, so I just wonder why he feels so bad that I am getting up extra early to do these things for him, as a way of showing how much I love and appreciate him? Maybe it is because we both work full time jobs and keeping a clean house, and a small zoo of animals is a full time job in itself???

emrldsky · Mar 20, 2008

DH and I, early on, read the Five Love Languages and it really opened our eyes. His love language is Words of Affirmation. Acts of Service is a close second for him. Mine is Receiving Gifts.

So, he tries to give me little gifts (doesn't have to be something he bought, or anything expensive) and I always try to tell him what a wonderful man and husband he is.

We haven't even been married 2 years yet, lol.

bnwalker2 · Mar 20, 2008

Originally Posted by babyharley

I do a lot for John, I clean up after him, I cook, I put away the laundry & really don't make him do much of anything. I usually try to take him to lunch/dinner once a week and he does the same for me

I do all of that because I want to, and because if I don't do it, its not done right

Since I don't work, I take care of the house and the animals. And I really do enjoy doing it. And like you said, if I want it done right I have to do it myself.

rockcat · Mar 20, 2008

I tuck a lovenote in his lunchbox every morning when I make him lunch.

goldenkitty45 · Mar 20, 2008

Massages without asking, Sex without asking (we just "know" when)

, Making each other a cup of tea (sometimes adding a few cookies too).

DH does most of the cooking as he works from home and I don't. So I always thank him for whatever he cooks for us

twstychik · Mar 20, 2008

This is a super sweet thread.

I leave my DH the occasional note in his pocket. I do laundry but that's as much for me too. I wash his hair when we shower together and scratch his back in bed. I swear, he's like a dog... he loves being scratched and pet!

I try to always thank him when he opens a door, makes me dinner or does anything else for me and he does the same. When we were drinking coffee I'd always make his too. Oh, and I try to seduce him sometimes too so he's not always the one to heat things up.

ldg · Mar 20, 2008

Gary is very, very ill, so I pretty much do everything all the time these days. But he never takes it for granted - which I really appreciate. And one of the sweetest things he does to thank me or tell me he loves me is to write messages on the wall of the shower with those markers for kids to play in the bathtub. It is SO wonderful to head in for a shower and find rainbows and hearts and poems or messages of love or whatever all over the place. Never fails to bring a smile.

I do this for him too. Or write on the mirror. Or leave notes in his underwear drawer.

And we always thank each other for everything. It gets tiresome hearing Gary thank me all the time for everything, and I always tell him he doesn't need to thank me. But it's so much better than not being recognized for it.

Laurie

twstychik · Mar 20, 2008

Laurie, That is so sweet. It's nice that he still shows his gratitude even in his illness. It's so easy when your ill to become bitter and angry.

kittycorner · Mar 20, 2008

I am sorry to hear your husband is ill, but that has got to be the cutest thing I have heard yet. My husband is always getting mad at me for not letting him open doors for me, he is such a gentleman. He is pretty good at making sure that I have everything I need or want-the problem is that there is just not anything that I want-guess I just have everything I need within our little family-who needs anything else?

psjauntie · Mar 20, 2008

I thank him everyday for his unconditional love. My ex was a cheat and I never thought I would be able to love or trust another man. My DH has taught me to love & trust totally. I am one of the lucky ones

luvmy2cats · Mar 20, 2008

I do little things for DH everyday. Like run out and get him something while he's on the X box or get him a glass of pop. Sometimes I feel like his gofer but I guess it's nice to help him out.

carolpetunia · Mar 20, 2008

Laurie, I don't know whether I've mentioned how much I admire your marriage. You and Gary are so lucky to have each other!

cococat · Mar 20, 2008

That is very sweet

The little things that we do without thinking aren't always so little to other people, are they?

What do you do for your spouse?

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