Once again...

brandi · Mar 19, 2008

Every time things start to look up they quickly look back down. I was doing better with the loss of our most recent baby...and knowing that we should have been parents this month to a beautiful baby...and then it starts again...

This morning starts with a phone call from two of my friends both calling to tell me they are pregnant one is 8 weeks the other is 16 weeks they are thrilled...While I am thrilled for them I am also bitter...I want this feeling of bitterness to go away...

I am especially thrilled for my friend who is 8 weeks pregnant she knows what Im going through and what this is like and how bad it hurts. She has been trying the past two years with 3 miscarriages...the one that is 16 weeks I am indifferent about her...they can barely afford the child they have now...and having another wont help them at all. All she has to do is look at her husband to get pregnant though...and she knows about the trouble kevin and I have had and yet she never misses a chance to ask when are you and kevin gonna have one? This really bothers me and Ive talked to her and her DH several times about it and yet they still ask..it has gotten to the point to where we barely go see them any more...

Everyday I wonder about the morning we lost our first baby...and What if it...What if I hadnt of went downstairs that morning...I wouldnt of fell I would of had a baby..I would have been a mommy now...I wonder what I did wrong...what I did to deserve that..when there are people out here who abuse their children but yet they get blessed as parents...but not people who truly want and deserve a child

Im sorry to vent on you guys so much here lately its just I need someone! Thanks for being there guys!

lsulover · Mar 19, 2008

Originally Posted by Brandi

Every time things start to look up they quickly look back down. I was doing better with the loss of our most recent baby...and knowing that we should have been parents this month to a beautiful baby...and then it starts again...

This morning starts with a phone call from two of my friends both calling to tell me they are pregnant one is 8 weeks the other is 16 weeks they are thrilled...While I am thrilled for them I am also bitter...I want this feeling of bitterness to go away...

I am especially thrilled for my friend who is 8 weeks pregnant she knows what Im going through and what this is like and how bad it hurts. She has been trying the past two years with 3 miscarriages...the one that is 16 weeks I am indifferent about her...they can barely afford the child they have now...and having another wont help them at all. All she has to do is look at her husband to get pregnant though...and she knows about the trouble kevin and I have had and yet she never misses a chance to ask when are you and kevin gonna have one? This really bothers me and Ive talked to her and her DH several times about it and yet they still ask..it has gotten to the point to where we barely go see them any more...

Everyday I wonder about the morning we lost our first baby...and What if it...What if I hadnt of went downstairs that morning...I wouldnt of fell I would of had a baby..I would have been a mommy now...I wonder what I did wrong...what I did to deserve that..when there are people out here who abuse their children but yet they get blessed as parents...but not people who truly want and deserve a child

Im sorry to vent on you guys so much here lately its just I need someone! Thanks for being there guys!

I am sure that you did nothing wrong. I am a firm believer that every thing happens for a reason, I think God will give you a baby when the time is right.

Hang in there.

katachtig · Mar 19, 2008

Your time will come. Allow yourself time to heal.

luvmy2cats · Mar 19, 2008

I'm sorry you're having such a bad time of it all.

That things will look up for you.

brandi · Mar 19, 2008

I'm trying so hard to allow myself some time...Mom says I should be over the first lost that it was 9 months ago and its time to move on...My moms sister Cindy who never had children said she is still not over the loss of her one and only pregnancy...and she always wonders what would have been. She told me that mom means well but doesnt know what its like to feel pain like this because she was blessed with 2 children...Im glad I was able to talk to my aunt she really helped me in many many ways!

kittyl0ve4 · Mar 19, 2008

im so sorry you lost your baby

. no matter how far along you are when you lose a child, it doesnt matter. just knowing you would have been a parent is enough. i completely agree with you when you say there are people out there who have babies & keep having more, yet they cant afford/dont want/abuse them. what really makes me mad is all those people who get preggo & then get an abortion. why are some people able to get pregnant when they dont even want the baby. but people like us, who do want children cant. what especially makes me mad, is all those youngins who are like 14 or 15 having kids. im actually not sure if i can or cant get pregnant, but im not allowed at the moment, which is understandable. i was hit by a truck & have had brain trauma, fractured pelvis(which could effect my ability to carry a baby full term) & a broken leg. plus all the meds im on surely wont be good for any pregnancy.

whats meant to be, will happen trust me. my best friend got prego back in the fall, & lost the baby two weeks later, & she was severly depressed after that. she is now pregnant again, & 5 months into the pregnancy. my aunt has PCOS & Enometriosis, which makes it REALLY hard if not impossible to get pregnant, & she now has a 4 yr old son. My mother also fell down a flight of stairs when she was pregnant with me & im here, alive and well. maybe it wasnt the stairs that caused you to miscarry. but im sure youll keep trying and get what you want, i really hope you get pregnant right away. im sending some pregnancy vibes Good Luck. it will happen.

ETA: 9 months is not alot of time to get over the miscarriage. IMO a miscarriage is something that is very hard to get over. you may never get over it. thats just how it is. its like losing a child who has already been born. im so sorry

katya · Mar 20, 2008

I would love to be able to tell you that one day soon you will magically get over it. I really really would. But speaking from experience I can say that it's been 3 years now and I always wonder. Sometimes I think to myself that it was for the best, i was too young but the pain is just the same.

I can only tell you that even thought it never fully goes away, it does get easier with time. And one day you will be blessed with a child and I'm certain that your loss will make you appreciate it all the more.

psjauntie · Mar 20, 2008

I do know what you are going through, my baby would have been 2 next week. I can tell you that there are days when I don't think about what might have been, but as it gets closer to the 31st of March the harder it gets. I am very lucky to have a wonderful man that loves me, and we are getting through this together. I hope that you have better days, and don't beat yourself up you did nothing wrong. Stay strong!!!

mom of 4 · Mar 20, 2008

I had emergency abdominal surgery and they called in an OB-GYN to look at all of the unusual reproductive organs (right ovary up under the kidney and the fallopian tube didn't connect to the right side of the uterus - not that there was much to attach to as it never developed). There are only 5,000 known case in the world.
The day I met with the OB-GYN, a total stranger, to have him tell me that I would never have children was the same day my s-i-l told the family she was pregnant.
I was angry, sad, embarassed, furious, bitter. You name it and I probably felt it. I could hardly stand to be around my pregnant friends and family. We started the adoption process.

That was 28 years ago - I stil remember how it felt. You will grieve as you grieve, no one can dictate how fast or in what order.

brandi · Mar 20, 2008

Thanks everyone!!! I feel a lot better...Somedays I just feel lost and yesterday was one of those days...things kept going wrong I kept dropping everything...and after talking to you guys I felt much better!

xlaydeextaniax · Mar 20, 2008

Originally Posted by KiTTYL0VE4

im so sorry you lost your baby

. no matter how far along you are when you lose a child, it doesnt matter. just knowing you would have been a parent is enough. i completely agree with you when you say there are people out there who have babies & keep having more, yet they cant afford/dont want/abuse them. what really makes me mad is all those people who get preggo & then get an abortion. why are some people able to get pregnant when they dont even want the baby. but people like us, who do want children cant. what especially makes me mad, is all those youngins who are like 14 or 15 having kids. im actually not sure if i can or cant get pregnant, but im not allowed at the moment, which is understandable. i was hit by a truck & have had brain trauma, fractured pelvis(which could effect my ability to carry a baby full term) & a broken leg. plus all the meds im on surely wont be good for any pregnancy.

whats meant to be, will happen trust me. my best friend got prego back in the fall, & lost the baby two weeks later, & she was severly depressed after that. she is now pregnant again, & 5 months into the pregnancy. my aunt has PCOS & Enometriosis, which makes it REALLY hard if not impossible to get pregnant, & she now has a 4 yr old son. My mother also fell down a flight of stairs when she was pregnant with me & im here, alive and well. maybe it wasnt the stairs that caused you to miscarry. but im sure youll keep trying and get what you want, i really hope you get pregnant right away. im sending some pregnancy vibes Good Luck. it will happen.

ETA: 9 months is not alot of time to get over the miscarriage. IMO a miscarriage is something that is very hard to get over. you may never get over it. thats just how it is. its like losing a child who has already been born. im so sorry

i agree with everything you've said. i know how it feel's to lose something you want sooo badly! it happened to me last year, & it's something you'll never forget/or get over.

yeh, & what you said about the people that have them, & abuse them/give them away, they just don't deserve to have them. then there's people like yourself's/me, who really want one & can't. just doesn't seem fair! i had other problem's mixed in when i lost mine, the doctor didn't know why it happened, guess i was stressed.

me & my partner, have been trying for nearly three year's! when we first got together, i had problem's with his ex girlfriend claiming that she was having his child, sending me email's saying "am having Dan's first baby, & your not", also adding a picture. that hurt's! she was lying anyway, as we had DNA testing done.

it'll happen one day for me, & i hope it does for you aswel!

Once again...

brandi

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lsulover

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katachtig

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luvmy2cats

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brandi

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kittyl0ve4

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katya

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psjauntie

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mom of 4

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brandi

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xlaydeextaniax

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