It has taken me two hours to stop shaking enough to type. My mom's future is about to be destroyed if I can't figure out how to make the right thing happen. If you have any ideas that might help, I desperately need your advice.
My father served 32 years in the US Army, was a highly decorated hero of three wars, won the Silver Star. Because of injuries he suffered in the service, including exposure to Agent Orange and the diabetes and heart disease that resulted from it, the VA judged him 100% disabled.
He had congestive heart failure, a six-way heart bypass, and severe emphysema, and he had been on 24-hour oxygen for years. During the final few months of his life, his heart grew increasingly weak and erratic, despite his pacemaker. As a result, he became increasingly dependent on the oxygen, and in the final weeks, no amount of it was enough for him. When the hospice people started giving him nebulizer treatments, they were shocked that it had not been done long ago.
He also had cancer in his liver (metastatic from the colon cancer he had years ago), but his liver function was found to be normal just a week or so before he died. We all knew that the cancer meant he was terminal, but nobody in either the home health agency or the hospice agency expected him to pass as quickly as he did -- the cancer just was not that far along yet. They thought we had at least a couple of weeks, and Papa's oncologist had said we might have two months to two years. (Papa died just ten days after he said that.)
Therefore, we feel that Papa died from heart-related issues, which may have been exacerbated by the general weakening the cancer caused -- but not from the cancer. We were told a week before he died that his liver was still working at normal capacity!
The reason it matters is that, according to the VA, if Papa died of heart disease or diabetes, then his death was service-connected and Mom is entitled to full benefits, which would be enough to live on frugally, and with my help.
If he died of the cancer, it is NOT considered service-connected, and Mom gets only about $600 a month. I will work, of course (either way) -- but I'm not sure how good a job I can get at my age.
There is a life insurance policy, but in a very small amount. That, plus withdrawing my entire 401k, would keep us afloat for less than a year.
So we need desperately for my father's death certificate to say he died of heart disease. But I learned today that his primary care doctor refuses to give that as the cause of death. And he won't even let me come talk to him and tell him what I've just told you (much of which he does not know).
I persuaded his nurse to hold off on the certificate and let me try to get the hospice agency doctor to issue it instead, with a heart-related diagnosis. Tomorrow, I have to go talk to that doctor and hope to heaven he agrees.
If I fail, all I can think to do is just try to sell the house as fast as we can, no doubt at a huge loss... because as long as we own it, we can't even qualify for welfare to keep us going until and unless I can generate enough income to carry us both -- which is not by any means a certainty.
And underlying all this is the sick feeling that we're somehow fighting to profit from my father's death, which I know is not how it is, but... you can imagine how awful it feels.
Please... if you can shed any light, point out any angle I've missed, anything... I'm just frantic. I don't know how we can survive if they do this to us.
My father served 32 years in the US Army, was a highly decorated hero of three wars, won the Silver Star. Because of injuries he suffered in the service, including exposure to Agent Orange and the diabetes and heart disease that resulted from it, the VA judged him 100% disabled.
He had congestive heart failure, a six-way heart bypass, and severe emphysema, and he had been on 24-hour oxygen for years. During the final few months of his life, his heart grew increasingly weak and erratic, despite his pacemaker. As a result, he became increasingly dependent on the oxygen, and in the final weeks, no amount of it was enough for him. When the hospice people started giving him nebulizer treatments, they were shocked that it had not been done long ago.
He also had cancer in his liver (metastatic from the colon cancer he had years ago), but his liver function was found to be normal just a week or so before he died. We all knew that the cancer meant he was terminal, but nobody in either the home health agency or the hospice agency expected him to pass as quickly as he did -- the cancer just was not that far along yet. They thought we had at least a couple of weeks, and Papa's oncologist had said we might have two months to two years. (Papa died just ten days after he said that.)
Therefore, we feel that Papa died from heart-related issues, which may have been exacerbated by the general weakening the cancer caused -- but not from the cancer. We were told a week before he died that his liver was still working at normal capacity!
The reason it matters is that, according to the VA, if Papa died of heart disease or diabetes, then his death was service-connected and Mom is entitled to full benefits, which would be enough to live on frugally, and with my help.
If he died of the cancer, it is NOT considered service-connected, and Mom gets only about $600 a month. I will work, of course (either way) -- but I'm not sure how good a job I can get at my age.
There is a life insurance policy, but in a very small amount. That, plus withdrawing my entire 401k, would keep us afloat for less than a year.
So we need desperately for my father's death certificate to say he died of heart disease. But I learned today that his primary care doctor refuses to give that as the cause of death. And he won't even let me come talk to him and tell him what I've just told you (much of which he does not know).
I persuaded his nurse to hold off on the certificate and let me try to get the hospice agency doctor to issue it instead, with a heart-related diagnosis. Tomorrow, I have to go talk to that doctor and hope to heaven he agrees.
If I fail, all I can think to do is just try to sell the house as fast as we can, no doubt at a huge loss... because as long as we own it, we can't even qualify for welfare to keep us going until and unless I can generate enough income to carry us both -- which is not by any means a certainty.
And underlying all this is the sick feeling that we're somehow fighting to profit from my father's death, which I know is not how it is, but... you can imagine how awful it feels.
Please... if you can shed any light, point out any angle I've missed, anything... I'm just frantic. I don't know how we can survive if they do this to us.
