Would This Bother You?

swampwitch

TCS Member
Thread starter
Top Cat
Joined
Sep 30, 2006
Messages
7,753
Purraise
158
Location
Tall Trees & Cold Seas Vancouver Island
My husband and I have a friend we'll call Robert. He and my husband have been friends for 25 years, and I've known Robert and considered him a close friend for the past 17 years.

Robert and my husband are in the same field, and they work together sometimes professionally. Robert lives in a large city and his wife left him about five months ago - she found someone else. Robert was devastated but he's trying to put his life back together.

My husband stays with Robert when he is in town. Here's the problem:

When Robert was married, he and his wife and my husband would go would go out for dinner and/or a pub when my husband was there. Usually, some friends of the wife would meet them for drinks or whatever. I didn't have a problem with that and I trust my husband.

My husband just got back from a trip where he spent one night at Robert's. They met friends for dinner then went to the pub. My problem now is that everybody is single, except for my husband. Robert has lots of single women friends (he's quite the catch). This time, Robert ended up having a friend stay the night.

This bothers me now, when it didn't before. I still trust my husband; that hasn't changed. But now I have a problem with it!

How you do feel? Please advise!
 

butzie

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Sep 22, 2007
Messages
5,299
Purraise
1
Location
Secret Santa Land
So, if I understand this, Robert asked your husband to stay overnight. They went out to dinner and met some friends who are all (?) single women. Then Robert took one of them home and the three of them stayed the night.

Two things bother me. First is that why, since Robert knew your husband was staying, did Robert invite the woman to stay? Second, why did your husband stay there and not come home or go to a hotel?
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #4

swampwitch

TCS Member
Thread starter
Top Cat
Joined
Sep 30, 2006
Messages
7,753
Purraise
158
Location
Tall Trees & Cold Seas Vancouver Island
I really trust him; I just think it's not a good situation to be in (alcohol, available single women, and a friend who has no commitments).

Isn't that a bad idea? My husband insists nothing has changed for him.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #5

swampwitch

TCS Member
Thread starter
Top Cat
Joined
Sep 30, 2006
Messages
7,753
Purraise
158
Location
Tall Trees & Cold Seas Vancouver Island
Originally Posted by butzie

...Two things bother me. First is that why, since Robert knew your husband was staying, did Robert invite the woman to stay? Second, why did your husband stay there and not come home or go to a hotel?
Robert felt really bad about it the next day. It was a little awkward for both of them. I think Robert didn't realize... he's still dealing with his wife leaving and he's not thinking straight. They were supposedly just friends.

My husband couldn't come home because it's a different city. And yup, they were all single women.
My husband was in the guest room; the other two in the master.
 

sarahp

TCS Member
Veteran
Joined
Jun 7, 2006
Messages
15,841
Purraise
28
Location
Australia
That would make me uncomfortable as well, although I'm sure since you've known Robert for such a long time, he has the utmost respect for you and wouldn't be trying to encourage your husband to do anything stupid.

Your husband probably feels uncomfortable being in that situation. I imagine while it was drinks with a bunch of people it was fun, but now it's watching a single friend trying to pick up, it's not as much fun! Maybe ask your husband if that situation makes him uncomfortable, and see what he says?
 

rosiemac

TCS Member
Veteran
Joined
Dec 3, 2003
Messages
54,358
Purraise
100
Location
ENGLAND... LAND OF HOPE AND GLORY!
Originally Posted by SwampWitch

I really trust him; I just think it's not a good situation to be in (alcohol, available single women, and a friend who has no commitments).
Your the one that know best if he can control his alcohol intake etc..., so do you think he can refrain from wandering off?.

Just because Robert is available doesn't mean your husband will follow in his tracks.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #8

swampwitch

TCS Member
Thread starter
Top Cat
Joined
Sep 30, 2006
Messages
7,753
Purraise
158
Location
Tall Trees & Cold Seas Vancouver Island
Yeah, the fact that Robert brought one of them home for the night made my husband uncomfortable. Evidently he gave Robert some grief for it.

Husband insists that for him it's just socializing and conversation and I believe him.

But things didn't go as Robert had planned, probably because of the alcohol in the mix.


I think maybe I should talk to Robert about inviting single women along? Doesn't he have other guy friends?
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #10

swampwitch

TCS Member
Thread starter
Top Cat
Joined
Sep 30, 2006
Messages
7,753
Purraise
158
Location
Tall Trees & Cold Seas Vancouver Island
Originally Posted by Rosiemac

Your the one that know best if he can control his alcohol intake etc..., so do you think he can refrain from wandering off?.

Just because Robert is available doesn't mean your husband will follow in his tracks.
My husband has earned my trust, alcohol or not. I guess I don't trust the other women, and don't want him tempted! (Husband's quite the catch, too.)

I guess I should let it go?
 

rockcat

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Nov 6, 2002
Messages
6,665
Purraise
18
Location
The Spacecoast
Would it be out of the question for you to accompany your husband? There is apparently enough room at Robert's house.
 

purrrrfect

TCS Member
Young Cat
Joined
Feb 10, 2008
Messages
64
Purraise
12
Location
Catsville =^..^= Derbyshire
You cant trust him if you have the slightest of doubt. Im sure nothing went on. And your hubby very possibly felt uneasy about the situation. I agree with sarahp on that score and to ask him out right what happened that night its best out in the open. Rather than kept to yourself wich would make you feel worse. And he may actually pick up on that. I hope you get it sorted hunni. Good luck.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #14

swampwitch

TCS Member
Thread starter
Top Cat
Joined
Sep 30, 2006
Messages
7,753
Purraise
158
Location
Tall Trees & Cold Seas Vancouver Island
Originally Posted by Rockcat

Would it be out of the question for you to accompany your husband? There is apparently enough room at Robert's house.
I could go along, except it would complicate things at home with a child and two cats that need to be taken care of.

I think I'm feeling insecure or something. My mother just told me once again that I am her least favorite child. Hey, somebody's got to be #4. But that's another thread.
 

skyecat0117

TCS Member
Super Cat
Joined
Sep 21, 2007
Messages
786
Purraise
1
Location
Az
Originally Posted by SwampWitch

I could go along, except it would complicate things at home with a child and two cats that need to be taken care of.

I think I'm feeling insecure or something. My mother just told me once again that I am her least favorite child. Hey, somebody's got to be #4. But that's another thread.
Maybe that's why you feel so uncomfortable with the situation. Because you need to stay home and fulfill your responsibilities you feel a bit left out? And I totally feel you on your thoughts about trusting your husband but not other women. These days morality is just tossed aside.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #16

swampwitch

TCS Member
Thread starter
Top Cat
Joined
Sep 30, 2006
Messages
7,753
Purraise
158
Location
Tall Trees & Cold Seas Vancouver Island
Originally Posted by SkyeCat0117

Maybe that's why you feel so uncomfortable with the situation. Because you need to stay home and fulfill your responsibilities you feel a bit left out? And I totally feel you on your thoughts about trusting your husband but not other women. These days morality is just tossed aside.
BINGO! That's true! I was home this last time, sick and taking care of our sick child. It should have been me having drinks and flirting with him!

We decided last night that we need more date nights, just the two of us.
 

addiebee

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Oct 30, 2007
Messages
7,724
Purraise
17
Location
Michigan
Originally Posted by SwampWitch

I could go along, except it would complicate things at home with a child and two cats that need to be taken care of.

I think I'm feeling insecure or something. My mother just told me once again that I am her least favorite child. Hey, somebody's got to be #4. But that's another thread.
Your mom said that to you... and she was serious??? Grrrrr! If so, don't let her get under your skin. And yes, that's a whole separate thread!


RE: hubby - I think the friend should refrain from entertaining female guests when your guy is around and I think hubby should tell him that.
 

siamesetwins

TCS Member
Kitten
Joined
Mar 11, 2008
Messages
13
Purraise
0
Location
California
Originally Posted by SwampWitch

I really trust him; I just think it's not a good situation to be in (alcohol, available single women, and a friend who has no commitments).

Isn't that a bad idea? My husband insists nothing has changed for him.
He probably just wants to help his friend through this difficult situation. If your husband is a really good catch this may help Robert as he can act as a lure to help Robert meet hot women that normally would not look at him.
 

skyecat0117

TCS Member
Super Cat
Joined
Sep 21, 2007
Messages
786
Purraise
1
Location
Az
Originally Posted by SwampWitch

BINGO! That's true! I was home this last time, sick and taking care of our sick child. It should have been me having drinks and flirting with him!

We decided last night that we need more date nights, just the two of us.
I had a feeling because I feel like that sometimes. Date nights are a great compromise. Also maybe try setting up specific things with a girl friend like once a month just to get out. My friend and I usually do peddies every pay day and usually once a month we go out. To eat, dancing, spa days whatever we fancy. It helps break up daily life.
 

rockcat

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Nov 6, 2002
Messages
6,665
Purraise
18
Location
The Spacecoast
Originally Posted by SiameseTwins

He probably just wants to help his friend through this difficult situation. If your husband is a really good catch this may help Robert as he can act as a lure to help Robert meet hot women that normally would not look at him.
Oh, now that would be a problem! No luring hot women allowed!
 
Top