Originally Posted by Yosemite
We females don't usually pay for sex, but we pretty much always charge for it one way or another. When we're dating we expect the guy to treat us to dinner/movies, etc. and in return we (after a few dates of course) give them sex. After marriage, if they displease us, we often withhold sex - so basically we are also charging - just in a different way.
I certainly don't view it that way. I expect a guy to pay on the first date or two, because with an almost 100% likelihood he's
the one who asked me
out. After that, it's much more equal, and I know that's true for most women my age. And the ones it isn't true of (like my coworker who demanded
a tiffany bracelet for v-day) are ostracized.
I don't "give" anybody sex any more than a man "gives" sex. It is an expression of love, and should be equal, consensual, and come with no strings aside from both being in the relationship attached. Is it true that often there's a little game played in the beginning where the man pursues it and the woman plays hard to get? Maybe. In all my relationships I've been the initiator when it was finally time for that step, not that they ever were subtle about the fact they'd be happy to, but still.
Relationships and sex may go hand-in-hand, but one is not a trade-off for the other. The same goes for men... some view it as trading being in a relationship and playing the boyfriend part as the price they have to pay for steady sex. And while it may be natural to not be all about it when you're angry, it isn't right to consciously withhold it as a punishment. In other settings that would be obvious coercion, blackmail, whatever.
Either attitude makes me sad-- that's not what love is about. Sex should be an expression of what else is in the relationship, such as love, respect, trust, a desire to please each other, and wanting intimacy both emotionally and physically.
And soliciting prostitutes is a symptom of not understanding this, as is being one. I can't blame women for figuring out that men would pay them for their services, and I can't always blame the man, as only two people know what is going on in their marriage. For all we know, she has 0 libido and gave him permission to fulfill that need elsewhere.
I just think the idea that men pay women for sex no matter what sort of relationship they're in to be one of the most sex-negative ideas of our society. The sort of thinking (and many people do believe that) that causes men to be resentful and women to be unfulfilled because they view themselves as a product.
If anything, it's the sort of idea that encourages men like the gov to hire a prostitute.