Is there still hope left or should I just give up?

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pat

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Originally Posted by Duchess15

I'm so tired....I feel so alone. This is not how life is suppose to be. What do I hold on to now?
You need to get some sleep...can you try to take a nap at least?
You've mentioned your friends, and an aunt, you are not alone. I believe you will find there are a number of folks who care about you.

I can't answer your questions about what to hold to but this is just the kind of thing to discuss with a minister, counselor, best friend...please do that tomorrow. You don't have to try to find the answers alone.

I'm off to get some sleep...hope you are too.
 

cooper38

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Originally Posted by Duchess15

I'm so tired....I feel so alone. This is not how life is suppose to be. What do I hold on to now?
I absolutely couldn't have said that better myself. How pitiful it was; Cooper was my support system. With him gone I feel just as you described you feel. Don't you go getting all depressed and suicidal too because then your whole family would fall apart.

Anyway, if your Mom is still alive and kicking that means she's not even close to out for the count. She still has her whits even though she can't communicate very well, so be grateful she hasn't hit the point of no return. I honestly think that she's going to pull through, your dad is going to go from extremely depressed to extremely grateful and the 3 of you will continue through life closer and happier than ever. Love really does conquer all. I firmly believe that. Start planning a vacation now because you'll all need it.

This will all turn out well. Your Mom is still a young lady who has a lot more living to do with both of you by her side. I'd say good luck, but luck has nothing to do with this. If I had to offer a percentage of absolute failure vs full recovery; I'd put it at about 10% and 90%. Now I don't know all the specifics, but from reading the whole thread that's what I deduct: you folks will be sipping orange juice on some glorious beach sometime this summer. My best wishes and the vibes I can spare are heading your way right............NOW!
 

lnbandcats

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I just saw this thread. Please know that I am adding you and your family to my prayers.
I am glad that you are reaching out to your friends, family and church. More people care about you than you can possibly imagine. Dealing with our parents' illness - both physical and mental is a frightening prospect. It seems that one minute we are the child and the next we have become the parent.
I know how you feel about being alone. My Dad died in 1994, my Mom in 2005. But, I discovered that I wasn't alone - and they are always with me, this I know. You have your friends and family to support you. Let them give you strength. Be positive and believe that both of your parent's will pull through this tough time - visualize a positive, happy outcome and let your parent's know that this is how you feel.
And please, find some time to rest and gather strength.
 

alleygirl

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Is there any kind of social services, or some "official" that you can contact about your dad? Let them know how worried you are and that he is acting suicidal because of your mother's condition? I can't imagine how hard this must be for both of you and its truly awful that you are dealing with it alone. I would call one of the hotlines and ask them for suggestions on what you should do regarding your dad, and getting him some help.

Do you have anyone that can come and stay with you??
 

sibohan2005

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Sabrina, do you have any aunts, uncles cousins that you can talk to? Somtimes family can help you hold things together.

I wish I was there to give you a great big hug.
I think it's a great idea to be talking to the pastor and asking him to come speek with your father. Have you spoken to the doctor on behalf of your father, let him know you are worried that your father is neglecting his own health because of your mothers condition.
I can only imagine the stress of the entire situation is making you loose your mind but remember we are here for you. Let us know if there is anything you need.
 

rosiemac

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Just read your thread now and i'm so sorry your mum is ill

Originally Posted by Duchess15

He said that when she leaves, he will leave also.
Like you your dad is hurting right now, and he's obviously thinking that he won't be anything without your mum if she goes, but that isn't the case so try and not read too much into what he's said or how he's acting, but at the same time keep an eye on him because he sounds like he really needs someone he can talk to about how he's feeling?.

Your not alone in this either, so like the others that have posted i'll be coming in for updates to see how you all are
 

miss mew

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Originally Posted by Pat & Alix

You've had great replies, all I can add is my belief as well that there is still reason to hope and that I will keep you and your mom in my thoughts.
All the best to you
 
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duchess15

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I called the nurse last night and she was suppose to get a doctor to talk to him also ASAP.

I had to get an oil change this morning and called a friend who went up there to see how he was doing. He actually talked to me, so maybe someone got through to him. The pastor was not there yet when I called.

He said that they were going to try and wake her up today to see how she does on her own. If she does ok, they will take her off the respirator. I hope so! Please let her be able to!


He also said that they knew what antibiotic to give her for her infection, which is good, and I sure hope it works fast.

The biopsy results should be in today so lets hope that that goes well. They are going to get her ready for evaluation for a transplant also just in case, but they have to wait until her infection clears.

I got about 3 hours of sleep. I hid all the documents that were important. He may sound better, but I don't trust him. He sounded better, but he wasn't cheerful, you know?

If he gets mad, so be it. I can't have those documents replaced if he does do something to them.
 

sibohan2005

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Originally Posted by Duchess15

He said that they were going to try and wake her up today to see how she does on her own. If she does ok, they will take her off the respirator. I hope so! Please let her be able to!
I will be praying for that to happen.
Originally Posted by Duchess15

If he gets mad, so be it. I can't have those documents replaced if he does do something to them.
really, you are protecting both you and him. Even if he is mad at first once the emotions settle he will be glad you have saved the documents.
 

rosiemac

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Originally Posted by Duchess15

I called the nurse last night and she was suppose to get a doctor to talk to him also ASAP.
It might be worth giving them a gentle reminder?
Originally Posted by Duchess15

He said that they were going to try and wake her up today to see how she does on her own. If she does ok, they will take her off the respirator. I hope so! Please let her be able to!
I hope so too
Originally Posted by Duchess15

The biopsy results should be in today so lets hope that that goes well
.
Fingers are crossed at this end
along with lots of healthy
Originally Posted by Duchess15

He may sound better, but I don't trust him. He sounded better, but he wasn't cheerful, you know?

If he gets mad, so be it. I can't have those documents replaced if he does do something to them.
Being down and being snappy or mad is because your dads scared of what can happen. It's a fear of the unknown as they say, so if he gets grouchy with you don't take it personally?.

Always remember, where theres life theres hope
 

carolpetunia

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Darlin, this is more weight than you can possibly bear alone. Please, call this number right away:


1-800-762-0157


That's the Denton County crisis hotline, and they can help both you and your father through this. They can even send someone out to talk with your dad, lead him to whatever resources he may need, and help him get his head straight again before he does something terrible.

If you have family or friends you trust, see if you can get them to cooperate in shifts to be with your father at all times... he should not be alone during this time. The church might be able to help with that.

And I'm not all that far away -- if you want, I can come up to the hospital later today, if that would help. I'm PMing you my phone number again, in case you misplaced it.
 

pat

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Just popping in to check on updates...hoping to hear some good news later today, and that your dad gets some of the extra support he needs (and you too!) right now.

Mega
 

ldg

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When you're really tired and really stressed, it is so hard to think clearly.


I think you're taking some excellent steps, however, I totally agree with Carol. Your dad should not be left alone right now, and since your family seems to be very involved in your church, I would talk to the Pastor about getting other members of the church to rotate staying with him right now.


Reaching out to church members in need is such an important part of the community function, and it's something done regularly around here, so I expect it wouldn't be a problem. The last thing you need to worry about right now is that you'd be imposing on anyone - because I'm sure you'd be willing to do it for someone else!
Just like you're reaching out to us here, keep reaching out to those around you.


I'm sending another dose of mega-vibes to your mom.

...and some of those are for you and your dad too.




Laurie
 

kiwideus

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This is a worrying situation for you - you need to have someone with you. Take Carol's offer to support you, as you need it.

I wish I could be there for you, you don't need to be alone, and shouldn't be.

 

sarahp

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I'm so sorry that you have to go through all this, it's not fair
I think you're doing an amazing job supporting both your mum and dad at the moment - they both need you, and I realise how hard it must be for you to have to be there for both of them, as well as dealing with your own emotions.

Keep finding people for your dad to talk to, it sounds as though it's helping him. I can't imagine what he's going through


I've through hospital twice in the last 6 months and have learnt a couple of things. You need to find a nurse or someone who is involved and often there and make friends with them if you can. If you can get the support of one person, they will do what they can to help you. Take in cookies for the nurses, or something like that - it shows you appreciate them, and they will remember you and often go out of their way to help you. You need those staff to remember you and be willing to talk to you.

Carry a little notepad and pen with you at ALL times. Write down questions when you think of them, write down names, titles and phone numbers of people involved so you know who's who, and take notes of what different doctors are saying about diagnoses and when they said it so you have a record and can be clear when you're talking to other doctors.

The doctors and nurses are extremely busy, so you often have to make matters into your own hands and chase people down. Make it clear that you want to be informed of all decisions, and what they are doing with her care. Make sure they understand that your dad is going through serious depression, so you are the family member with the clarity to take in all of the information.

Stay strong, and please, accept help where it's offered - you need support as well.

Once again, I am so sorry that you are going through this anguish, and I hope your mum starts improving soon.
 

laureen227

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Originally Posted by LDG

Reaching out to church members in need is such an important part of the community function, and it's something done regularly around here, so I expect it wouldn't be a problem.
DEFINITELY call your church! especially if it's a large one - this is spring break right now, there's probably teachers with time to donate.
& for you, your mom
& your dad

 

carolpetunia

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Originally Posted by sarahp

... You need to find a nurse or someone who is involved and often there and make friends with them if you can. If you can get the support of one person, they will do what they can to help you. Take in cookies for the nurses, or something like that - it shows you appreciate them, and they will remember you and often go out of their way to help you. You need those staff to remember you and be willing to talk to you.

Carry a little notepad and pen with you at ALL times. Write down questions when you think of them, write down names, titles and phone numbers of people involved so you know who's who, and take notes of what different doctors are saying about diagnoses and when they said it so you have a record and can be clear when you're talking to other doctors.

The doctors and nurses are extremely busy, so you often have to make matters into your own hands and chase people down. Make it clear that you want to be informed of all decisions, and what they are doing with her care. Make sure they understand that your dad is going through serious depression, so you are the family member with the clarity to take in all of the information.

Stay strong, and please, accept help where it's offered - you need support as well...
Sarah's advice is absolutely on target! I hope you're holding up well enough to follow up on it. Please update us when you can...
 

mzjazz2u

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I'm so sorry I didn't see this until now. I'm not sure how I missed it. But my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family now. I hope they figure out what is going on with your mother and get her treated. I'm concerned about your dad. It sounds like he is severely depressed and that is normal. Ask the doctor or nurse about a social worker to talk to him. He may need some intervention to deal with all this. I'll be watching for updates, now that I've found this thread.
 
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duchess15

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I am so tired.
I think the 4 hours I had is wearing off. My dad talked to me this morning when I called a friend who was there with him and he did talk to me.

I don't think he knows that I know he threw all the meds out. I figure right now that isn't as important as getting him focused and back on the right track. My friend told me that another chaplain came up to talk to him this morning and the pastor talked to him for about 30 mins after he went in to see my mom. I'm going to talk to the nurse and find out the best way to handle getting him back on the meds. I was thinking of going to the secretary of the doctor he has and telling her about it. My friend said he will even go to the service for the church thursday evening.

He seemed to be a completely different person. More positive, focused, and he even went home! Without anyone telling him! I am going back tonight, but will go home in the morning for a break.

They did a trial treatment on my mom to see if she could handlt breathing on her own and she did very well. She is back on the respirator, but they will keep doing the trials every day.

Her liver isn't better, but it isn't worse and maybe once she kicks this infection, her liver can improve more since she is on antibiotics. They did find an antibiotic that will work for her.

So far, today has been a better day. My dad is giving me POA for the checks because even if and when my mom does get better, I will have to do the checkbook and bills, because my dad is horrible at it.

I'm doing better today, but I am extremely tired. I hope to get some sleep at the hospital.
 
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