TheCatSite.com › Forums › General Forums › The Cat Lounge › OH NOOOO...Evil BIL mite be returning! Please send vibes
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

OH NOOOO...Evil BIL mite be returning! Please send vibes

post #1 of 11
Thread Starter 

My BIL just called my DH today & he might be coming out to live with and work for us again.....HOW COULD I BE GETTING THIS BAD KHARMA??????
He is absolutely incompetent & really messes things up; when my DH drove him back to MI last fall, the BIL has paid himself $3K w/o telling either of us about it (the BIL had me removed from the business account and was a signator). When the checks began bouncing, I figured out what happened
He caused major friction and even sent my DH an email that I need to be gotten rid of, hopefully divorced from
And why does he HATE me and my cats??? Well, he doesn't like cats [RED FLAG] and I catch him at his shenannigans and call him out on it!! He's even charged me in the office, but when I picked up my hole-puncher as a weapon, he yelled at me even louder but backed off (After that incident, which the entire building heard his commotion, the swearing & yelling, DH moved him back home).
He has used our business' monies to put funds in their worthless cousin's account (my MIL warned me to never let that particular cousin borrow money from us, as that cousin has been written off by both his parent's families).
He wanted to shoot some of my cats at our rural fixer-upper home cuz he says I have too many. And a week later, when I had to leave the area for the weekend to return my grandson to San Diego, my precious AmyRose and Andy went missing
He got into an argument at the vet's over my DH's dog who had bone cancer because I wanted to have the dog PTS, and he wanted to shoot her, to save money (also, he LOVES hunting). The vet intervened, saying for us to do what I was insisting on, and get my DH's decision (DH was in court); of course, my DH insisted on the humane PTS.
He moves my work around, trying to sabotage my job performance....he tries to convince my DH that I somehow steal money from him. My BIL actually stole my planner with $300 cash; after he moved out from our town house, I found my Vons Card & AAA card in the house, among a box of things that they left.
My DH was so happy when he left, but OMG, he has too soft of a heart to tell his brother "no". Because his brother was gone, my adult nieces-in-law came out for a week's visit; BIL is feuding with the nieces, the daughters of the oldest brother; I think that he is jealous that we went on a family vacation to Death Valley, so now he wants to return to make trouble.
I can't give up this job at this office, cuz I am one of the highest paid legal office assistants in the area and I have my disabled daughter, my grandson & my kitties to take care of. PLEASE, SEND MEGA VIBES....
btw, the BIL has a rottweiler named Kitty cuz she eats cats - such humor, right and need I add that the dog is UNVACCINATED, UNSPAYED, and of course, unlicensed....and guess who had to clean the floors from the "cycle-bleeding" when they moved out. And the dog gets to run at large & chase cars - the only reason that the neighbors don't call the cops is cuz the neighbors aren't legally here...HELP!
post #2 of 11
I'm sorry...I hope someone here will have a helpful comment, as I know mine won't be.

I simply would NOT allow this person into my home, my life. If my husband didn't like it, there would be the largest fight of our marriage. Family is family, but that doesn't mean you let your brother ruin your marriage, harm your wife or her pets, harm your business.
post #3 of 11
I have to agree with Pat & Alix, even if he is family it dosn't give him the right to destroy your business, home, life and family. I think I would have to put my foot down on this. Explain your reasons to your husband and remind him of what the consequences were the last time, hopefully he'll bend to reason.
post #4 of 11
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sibohan2005 View Post
I have to agree with Pat & Alix, even if he is family it dosn't give him the right to destroy your business, home, life and family. I think I would have to put my foot down on this. Explain your reasons to your husband and remind him of what the consequences were the last time, hopefully he'll bend to reason.
Unfortunately, we are actually living separately right now, and while I can't and won't blame my marital problems all on my BIL, I can't help thinking that it's no surprise to me that my family wouldn't even think of interfering in our lives this way, but DH allows this to happen - shows my true status, IMO
This is now a case of survival mode, financially.
Also, it's not just me who realizes about my BIL - my parents gave a spare bedroom for Joey & JC to live in, because they felt that BIL would harm them.
I thank you for listening - I'm feeling nauseated, nervous, with cold hands....Surely God won't let this happen.....if it does, I will have to get a roommate with staggered hours, so BIL can't sneak out to my place and do harm or mischief. This is SOOOO CRAZY
post #5 of 11
I have to agree with the others...I would not let this toxic person anywhere near my life - especially if you suspect he had something to do with the disappearance of two of your cats like you said.
post #6 of 11
If you are already separated you need to make sure this person doesn't come into the picture at all.
I guarantee you, if he does, you will not work out your problems.
They will only get worse.

How dare he tell you how many cats to have!

This is 1 time I would definitely give an ultimatum (sp?)!!!!

Either he comes and you go, or he stays the hell away from you and yours.


Why on earth would he even consider this????????

Tell him a big fat NO!!
post #7 of 11
Well IMO he can only come out and live with you and your husband and work with you IF you all allow it. Why doesn't your DH tell him NO and put his foot down. Before there really is a divorce!

DH's brother stayed with us when he got out of jail. However, he's got himself in trouble again and we talked about what happens when he gets out - we both agree that he will not be living with us again.

What's your husband's reason for allowing this again seeing what happened before?
post #8 of 11
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoldenKitty45 View Post
What's your husband's reason for allowing this again seeing what happened before?
"he's family"
Lately, my husband & I are getting along better, and things were looking really good. There's alot of other things going on (think I.R.S.) that are huge stressors; if my BIL was able to drive me out from working in our office, any other wages that I make elsewhere will be garnished by IRS except for $875/mo. until all back taxes are caught up & then it would be up to me to go after my husband for his 50%. The IRS gets their 100% from him, from me or both. But if I stay associated with the business, and the business makes payments, then nothing comes off my paycheck (as long as it's this business paying my wages). A tax specialist is negotiating the payments right now. so, I'm really "a dog with it's tail in a crack", as our old-time locals used to say.
I wouldn't be so worried if I could go back to waiting tables, but a car accident ended that career 8 years ago
post #9 of 11
Quote:
Originally Posted by catsknowme View Post
"he's family" (

So are YOU. Your husband has to make a decision -- not between you and his brother, but between helping his brother straighten out, or continuing to enable him to behave this way. Maybe you can make your husband see that he is doing his brother no favors by letting him get by with all this.

Good luck.
post #10 of 11
In a marriage seminar they stressed how the ideal order should be (as far as who has priority in your life):

1. God
2. Your spouse
3. Your kids
4. Your extended family/friends.


So if your husband wants to save your marriage, then he will NOT allow his brother to move in or work for you. You have more then one problem and each has to be addressed separately.

1. BIL - if he's stolen money and caused problems, then whats to stop him from doing even more damage to your family/pets? If he moves in, you have to insist on a LEGAL contract with rent, rules, etc. - if he refuses to sign this, he can't stay. If he doesn't follow the rules, he's out.

2. Work - you and your husband have to legally figure out what happens if there is a divorce and how things will be split. If you stay together, you cannot have the BIL involved in any way.

3. If you have to leave (divorce) you have to figure out how you and your kids will be able to survive.

3. Marriage counselling - is vital if you want to save your family, marriage, and business.


All of this requires legal counsel - no matter what happens. I'll pm you with additional info
post #11 of 11
They say every family tree has its sap; I think you've found the one in your husband's family.

You may have to lay down the law about him coming back. Don't say he can't; just say he can't until he pays back the $3,000. That should keep him away.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: The Cat Lounge
TheCatSite.com › Forums › General Forums › The Cat Lounge › OH NOOOO...Evil BIL mite be returning! Please send vibes