I totally agree with this. You have already asked the 18 year old to stay away and quit texting your daughter. She did not, so now it's time to nip this in the bud before it goes further.
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Help!! 18 yr old Pursuing my 14 yr old!!!
- Thread starter tinkrbl5
- Start Date
I am not going to win in this one.
My cat's name is Butzie, not Butz.
My cat's name is Butzie, not Butz.
The point here is not that fact of whether or not the 18 year old is the same gender as her daughter. The point is that an "adult" is pursuing a "minor".....which is wrong.
I am sorry I just have no sympathy for an adult that chases after a minor. There is just now scenario in my mind where this is an ok or good thing. Plus the mother here has already told the 18 year old in question to back off and she did not listen so time to take it up a notch.
Im looking at this very differently than everyone on here! When I was 14 I had friends, both male and female that were 18. We told each other we loved each other all the time, and 11 years later we still do! Its nothing sexual. Do you love your friends?? I would check out the situation better, talk to the girl in person before you do anything drastic if you havn't already talked to her face to face already! Me and my friends are as straight as they come and are all married, but we tell each other we love each other all the time.
How are the texts worded?? Like whats the whole text say?? Its hard to go off of 3 words what the OP really means!
How are the texts worded?? Like whats the whole text say?? Its hard to go off of 3 words what the OP really means!
I really don't think that you need to call the police. Your daughter just needs to put her foot down and end communication with this girl. If she's answering this girls calls and texts she is leading her on. You can block her on aim, you can block her texts and calls, that should give her a pretty clear sign to leave your daughter alone. Then if she continues to try and communicate with your daughter you should get a restraining order.
I have to agree with glitch, i had friends who were 18, the worst case i had was a guy who had a crush on me and he was 22 and i was 14 and all of my 18 year old friends made him understand it was wrong!
These days friends tell each other they love each other, and it does not mean anything sexual.
Also just for info your daughter could be already very mature for a 14 year old (as i notice that generation is completely different) and has been doing things behind your back. In my parents eyes i was a little angel but to everyone else I was already too mature for my age.
Instead of skitzing it at your daughter and making her more upset sit down and talk to her about it, but considering she is already upset there might be things she wont talk to you about it anymore.
These days friends tell each other they love each other, and it does not mean anything sexual.
Also just for info your daughter could be already very mature for a 14 year old (as i notice that generation is completely different) and has been doing things behind your back. In my parents eyes i was a little angel but to everyone else I was already too mature for my age.
Instead of skitzing it at your daughter and making her more upset sit down and talk to her about it, but considering she is already upset there might be things she wont talk to you about it anymore.
I'm not sure if I'm quite a bit younger than most people here or something, but when I was 14 I had friends who were 18. Actually, I went out with a boy who was 17. Of course my mother thought that we were just friends and was horrified by the idea of it. I think that going to the police is going to cause your house to be a very unhappy place for both you and your daughter.
She's not going to tell you the whole story, simple as that. Sometimes you have to let your child experience her fair share of bad experiences and bad people. I know this sounds bad, but trust me, I had MORE than my fair share (because I lied to my mum so much) and I don't regret any of it - it's made me smarter and more aware of people now.
I honestly think that going to the police will shatter your daughter's trust for you (something that's so important at that age)
To be honest, I very much doubt that it's just the 18 year old pursuing your daughter. I'm sure your daughter has some part in it. I have a 15 year old sister who shares too much of her life with me, so I think I have some insight!
But it all comes down to your decision in the end. I'd be calling the 18 year old's parents, not just talking to the girl. I don't agree that sexuality has nothing to do with it either - maybe your daughter doesn't have anyone her own age she can talk to about that, or maybe she wants to feel unique or something. She's 14... they do that!
I hope I don't seem judgmental or anything, I hope you work it out.
I do agree that any 18 year old pursuing a 14 year old romantically has something wrong with them. It really is just creepy!
She's not going to tell you the whole story, simple as that. Sometimes you have to let your child experience her fair share of bad experiences and bad people. I know this sounds bad, but trust me, I had MORE than my fair share (because I lied to my mum so much) and I don't regret any of it - it's made me smarter and more aware of people now.
I honestly think that going to the police will shatter your daughter's trust for you (something that's so important at that age)
To be honest, I very much doubt that it's just the 18 year old pursuing your daughter. I'm sure your daughter has some part in it. I have a 15 year old sister who shares too much of her life with me, so I think I have some insight!
But it all comes down to your decision in the end. I'd be calling the 18 year old's parents, not just talking to the girl. I don't agree that sexuality has nothing to do with it either - maybe your daughter doesn't have anyone her own age she can talk to about that, or maybe she wants to feel unique or something. She's 14... they do that!
I hope I don't seem judgmental or anything, I hope you work it out.
I do agree that any 18 year old pursuing a 14 year old romantically has something wrong with them. It really is just creepy!
Personally i think an 18 year old should be hanging around with people of their own age group. I'm thinking back to when i was 18 and able to go to pubs with friends, while the 14 year olds were screaming over pop groups
I have to agree that I think calling the police sounds a little drastic - but if this adult is pursuing your 14 year old daughter in an inappropriate manner, and won't take the hint when she is told, "please back off", then maybe something a little more firm is needed. However, I think you'll be surprised how many 14 year olds think it's cool to have much older friends. I think you need a serious conversation with your daughter about why this concerns you so much - there are a lot of kids of that age who hang around with older "friends" so that they can get into bars illegally as one of them. Even if this is not sexual in nature, then there is at least one serious underlying issue that needs to be addressed. You need to know who's leading who on, why, and get all of the facts straight before you ring the police. You really need to be absolutely certain that what is going on is sinister.
On the other hand, I can understand why you need to do what you must, especially if your daughter is 14 - she is a minor, of course. She's also probably at that age where she is very difficult to talk to. You're probably right, this should be nipped in the bud before it does become something other than innocent fun, if that is what it is just now. But it needs to be handled in such a way that your daughter isn't going to feel betrayed or that you restrict her activites too much. It's a delicate situation from what I can tell.
Anyway, I have my opinions, but I don't have the facts and am not experiencing it the way you are. I really hope you can come to an agreeable solution for everybody
it'll get better
On the other hand, I can understand why you need to do what you must, especially if your daughter is 14 - she is a minor, of course. She's also probably at that age where she is very difficult to talk to. You're probably right, this should be nipped in the bud before it does become something other than innocent fun, if that is what it is just now. But it needs to be handled in such a way that your daughter isn't going to feel betrayed or that you restrict her activites too much. It's a delicate situation from what I can tell.
Anyway, I have my opinions, but I don't have the facts and am not experiencing it the way you are. I really hope you can come to an agreeable solution for everybody
I think that's part of the problem. I know one of the girls i work with went through a terrible time with her young teenage son with older boys. He was 13 at the time and wanted to be older than he was and thought it was great hanging out with the older ones, and we say this is how he's now a heavy drinker at 16
Kids are growing up too quickly before they should be these days.
That's where being a responsible parent and stepping in BEFORE those kinds of things can happen. Just like the OP here needs to do, although I do agree that calling the police might be a bit much at this point.Originally Posted by Rosiemac
I think that's part of the problem. I know one of the girls i work with went through a terrible time with her young teenage son with older boys. He was 13 at the time and wanted to be older than he was and thought it was great hanging out with the older ones, and we say this is how he's now a heavy drinker at 16
Kids are growing up too quickly before they should be these days.
Your friend's son is still responsible for his own life, no one makes you take a drink. Just as the OP's daughter can cut off communication with the 18 YO, it's her choice to stay in touch.
The 14 YO is still a minor living at home, so she can lose the phone and internet access, and without that, there's not a lot of chance that an 18 YO will be getting in contact with them.
You can't make anyone do anything, really. You can only guide them towards better outcomes.
Ok first off.. this is my IMO.. ((so please dont put me down.. im just trying to throw my 2cents in)).
One of my Best Friends is 25.. im 16. Ive known "Him" for almost 5 yrs. He however has never said I Love You to me (if he had then I would have said something to him cause im not interested in guys that old) so that is a lil weird coming from an adult Female.. Unless.. she means it in like say.. an Older Sisterly way.
My 25yr old friend was the oldest friend my mom let me hang out with.. I didnt think anything of it ((and still dont)) because I was actually convinced that this guy was Gay... I personally thought he was, he acted like it and always had female friends ((not girlfriends)).. I later found out he wasnt of course.
Well are still friends now and he occasionally even flies up here from FL to visit.
Now I agree.. investigate further before calling the Police.. but yes, it is your daughter so your choice on how to handle the situation.
Oh and I also say I love you to my closest friends.. not in a sexual way, im totally straight. My one Best Friend ((Shes a Bi, btw)) ive known for almost 10yrs and I say it to her like my Older sister and I say it to each other.
So unless this 18yr old is saying it in such a manner that it sounds more that a "Friendship" i love you.. than id look further.
One of my Best Friends is 25.. im 16. Ive known "Him" for almost 5 yrs. He however has never said I Love You to me (if he had then I would have said something to him cause im not interested in guys that old) so that is a lil weird coming from an adult Female.. Unless.. she means it in like say.. an Older Sisterly way.
My 25yr old friend was the oldest friend my mom let me hang out with.. I didnt think anything of it ((and still dont)) because I was actually convinced that this guy was Gay... I personally thought he was, he acted like it and always had female friends ((not girlfriends)).. I later found out he wasnt of course.
Well are still friends now and he occasionally even flies up here from FL to visit.
Now I agree.. investigate further before calling the Police.. but yes, it is your daughter so your choice on how to handle the situation.
Oh and I also say I love you to my closest friends.. not in a sexual way, im totally straight. My one Best Friend ((Shes a Bi, btw)) ive known for almost 10yrs and I say it to her like my Older sister and I say it to each other.
So unless this 18yr old is saying it in such a manner that it sounds more that a "Friendship" i love you.. than id look further.
- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #34
18 yr 0ld
I hope that you don't drop me. You just make me so happy and i wish i was with you right now to hold u close to me. Trust me when i say that I am not going to turn my back on you and that i am going to be here for u. I don't plan on going any where any time soon.
<333
my daughters response:
hehe. well im happy tht it makes u happy and puts a smile on ur face and tht is reassures you because i dont want u to think tht im just gonna drop u. and trust me im not gonna turn my bak on u
<33
18 yr old
I don't just like it though, I love it. It makes me happy inside and puts a smile on my face. It also reassure's me that you aren't going to turn your back on me.
Does this sound like the 18 yr old just wants to be friends? I am not going to run to the police I am going to go to the School and advise my daughters counselor about this situation. The 18 yr old goes to the same school as my daughter.
This is not the only 14 yr old this 18 yr old is sending messages like this to. My oldest daughter 17 said that this girl has 3-4 other freshmen she is involved with like this. One of the 18 yr olds friend actually came to my 17 yr old and told her to watch out for her lil sis becuz the 18 yr old was going to have "FUN" with the "FRESHMEN" this year.
As a mom I can not allow this relationship to continue. This isn't a "friend" saying I LOVE YOU. This is just wrong.
My 14 yr old just met this girl 2 weeks ago.
I hope that you don't drop me. You just make me so happy and i wish i was with you right now to hold u close to me. Trust me when i say that I am not going to turn my back on you and that i am going to be here for u. I don't plan on going any where any time soon.
<333
my daughters response:
hehe. well im happy tht it makes u happy and puts a smile on ur face and tht is reassures you because i dont want u to think tht im just gonna drop u. and trust me im not gonna turn my bak on u
<33
18 yr old
I don't just like it though, I love it. It makes me happy inside and puts a smile on my face. It also reassure's me that you aren't going to turn your back on me.
Does this sound like the 18 yr old just wants to be friends? I am not going to run to the police I am going to go to the School and advise my daughters counselor about this situation. The 18 yr old goes to the same school as my daughter.
This is not the only 14 yr old this 18 yr old is sending messages like this to. My oldest daughter 17 said that this girl has 3-4 other freshmen she is involved with like this. One of the 18 yr olds friend actually came to my 17 yr old and told her to watch out for her lil sis becuz the 18 yr old was going to have "FUN" with the "FRESHMEN" this year.
As a mom I can not allow this relationship to continue. This isn't a "friend" saying I LOVE YOU. This is just wrong.
My 14 yr old just met this girl 2 weeks ago.
That's made me feel uncomfortable so goodness knows how it must make you feel
I totally agree with having a word with the school as well.
Ok, now I would seriously talk to your daughter. Are you sure she isn't just telling you what she thinks you want to hear from her? That actually sounds like there's more than just a "friends" thing on her part, too. That response from your daughter is a little bit too... I dunno... calculated? I think. it definitely clears up that this 18 year old is indeed interested in something more than just a friendship - but it still leaves the question open as to whether or not this is more on your daughter's side. Is there something more and she is trying to build or keep an existing relationship with her, without trying to alarm you? Is there nothing, but your daughter is curious? I would ask those questions, if possible.
I agree that it doesnt sound like your daughter is just an innocent bystander in this.
You need to sit down and TALK to your daughter. And also talk to the other girls parents.
If you call the cops, right away without trying to talk things out you will ruin your daughters trust and thats the last thing either of you need.
You need to sit down and TALK to your daughter. And also talk to the other girls parents.
If you call the cops, right away without trying to talk things out you will ruin your daughters trust and thats the last thing either of you need.
- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #38
Good news everyone.
Wanted to let everyone know they are safe from ever having any personal infor. released from a school. I went to the school to see if I could get the name of the mother of the 18 yr old. They said "NO" I explained that I had a situation that involved my daughter and this student and I wanted to speak to the parent about this. They said abosuletly NO!!!! I was also told that under the circumstances unless I saw the 2 together in a physical/emotional embrace beyond freindly then I may be able to do something but even then I would not be able to contact police because no crime has occured.
So I hope everyone can sleep better now that the School Administration will not give out any personal infor,phone, address, etc. ect. ..
Wanted to let everyone know they are safe from ever having any personal infor. released from a school. I went to the school to see if I could get the name of the mother of the 18 yr old. They said "NO" I explained that I had a situation that involved my daughter and this student and I wanted to speak to the parent about this. They said abosuletly NO!!!! I was also told that under the circumstances unless I saw the 2 together in a physical/emotional embrace beyond freindly then I may be able to do something but even then I would not be able to contact police because no crime has occured.
So I hope everyone can sleep better now that the School Administration will not give out any personal infor,phone, address, etc. ect. ..
Wow, that text was pretty intense..she wants to hold your daughter? Your daughter is a child!
They can't just give out information of a family member because they don't know what you could do. Even if you do have a situation, they don't know to what extent the situation is, and if you might take measures into your own hand and stop the situation. Just because you say one thing, doesn't mean you're going to do the same.
And IMO, it also sounds like your daughter isn't just an innocent bystander. From the looks of that text message, it seems like she still wants to be "involved" with this person - whether just friends or more.
And IMO, it also sounds like your daughter isn't just an innocent bystander. From the looks of that text message, it seems like she still wants to be "involved" with this person - whether just friends or more.
