Originally Posted by Rang_27
You were obviously very bonded with you sweet boy. There is nothing wrong with grieveing for him, but if I were 100% honest with you I'm a little worried. Please make sure to get sleep and eat. I think I'm worried because your strong greif response reminds me of myself. I tend to go into a shell and let grief overwhelm me. Grief is natural, but how I deal with it is not good. Maybe I'm wrong, but please listen when I say if this gets to be too much you may need to see a couneslor. Just keep that in mind. I'm not saying that you are at that point, I'm just saying take care of yourself. Your other kitty needs you, he must be sad too. Please don't take this as me saying I don't understand, it's the oposite. I can't know the pain you are in, but I have felt the pain of losing a beloved cat. Please take care of yourself.
I really appreciate the concern. You've been very helpful through this whole process since March 2 when I posted about him having gone blind. I would agree with you that I'm taking this a bit too hard. I'm just not good at grief. I pretty much bottle up all my feelings and then when something like this happens years of feelings come out along with the current ones.
I just can't eat. I slept briefly, but it was full of weird dreams about Cooper. For instance, Sampson could talk and told me he knew Cooper was gone. Very weird. Sampson did spend the whole time right next tome the whole night. He's now been looking for Cooper. He keeps shooting upright at any sound and investigating. I wanted him to be there when Cooper passed, but he was outside and didn't come in. It was over so fast. I hope he doesn't change too much or get really depressed like me.
I really don't know what I'm going to do. I know that Cooper would want me to eat because he was so fond of food. I tried to eat a sandwich but it tasted like sawdust and I felt sick. It's like my brain is shutting down my body too. Knowing people understand helps a little, but I was just so attached to him it's really like my partner has died. I never just fully open my heart like I did with him and now that he's gone there's a massive hole.
The hardest part is still being in the same place with the same furniture and everything exactly the same just Cooper gone. His hair is all over the house, there's still dry food on the floor that he knocked over yesterday while trying to get up, his little accidents are still stained on the floor in a couple spots even after cleaning them thoroughly. Basically, his essence is around and it feels like he should be too, but he's not. After dozing off for a second I woke up and was disoriented and then immediately remembered what was going on and just lost it.
I think the only thing that'll help me is time to go by. Worst case scenerio is that my body won't let me eat and I have to go to the hospital, but I don't want that. Later tonight I'll force something down so I can nourish my body. I just feel so helpless which to me isn't the norm. I didn't expect this to be so hard because I knew after he went downhill that he was going to die, but now that it's truly happened I'm devastated. I know that I made the right decision and he didn't suffer much and it's better this way and blah blah, but the loss of my best friend isn't going to heal overnight.
Also, if people want to talk about themselves in this thread that's fine with me as that's what this is for. It does help me to hear about other folks' experiences for sure. A nice moderator has agreed to help me make a thread in Rainbow Bridge, so if you're not tired of me whining about losing Cooper then check that out too. Thanks again to everyone. Take care.