I'm sorry

carolpetunia

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I'm afraid my behavior may seem inappropriate since my father's death... I've been so far down, and I've tried so hard to find a way back up, and I was getting there, I was so excited about the Michael Buble concert tomorrow night... and today I went to the North Texas Irish Festival by myself for the first time -- it was something Papa and I always did together, so it was very intense, but it felt so right, to sing along with all those songs he loved... but some people don't get it, when I get emotional, they complain that I must not be taking enough antidepressants and they'll be glad when I get over it. I can't talk to them, and I've worn out my best friend, I just can't lay any more of this on him, he has troubles of his own... and I can't calm down, my heart races and my chest hurts, but I don't have insurance, so I can't even afford to go make sure I'm not having a heart attack...so what I'm saying is that I know I'm a mess, and if my posts lately have been bizarre, I hope you'll understand and forgive.
 

taterbug

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Carol, those people that don't understand have probably never went through the loss of a loved one.
I think that was a wonderful thing for you to do, going to that festival!! What you are doing will help you better than any anti-depressants ever will. You go right ahead and post whatever you feel you need to....and if you need anyone to talk to, PM me!! And I know there are others herefor you,too.
 

hurdyburdy

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awww
I'm totally understand what you are going through and no one would think it is anything to apologize for .
 

natalie_ca

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Oh hon! Never apologize for feeling!

You have been through a devestating ordeal and it's natural to be weepy and cry and feel sad and down. It's part of the whole process of grief. And it's a process that is so individual. Some get through the process with relative ease. Others need more time to get through certain stages and some get stuck at a stage and need help to get beyond it.

You do need to talk to someone. Talking is so very important because it allows us to sort out our feelings and emotions and thoughts. What about a clergy person? Are you a member of a church or have a church you can go to? Can you call the hospital and see if they have a "Pastoral Care" department where you can talk to someone. We have a Pastoral Care department at the hospital I work at. They will talk with you, pray with you, or just sit and listen to you.

*hugs*
 

lunasmom

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Those people obviously have never lost anyone that was close to them before and can NEVER understand the relationship you had with your father.

Anti-depressants will not help you. From your post it sounds like you are finding your own path for celebrating his life. That Irish Festival sounds fun!
 

kaylacat

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Hun, you have nothing to apologize for! Its completely understandable that you have been down. You take as much time to grieve as you need and don't worry about what others think. Losing someone so important to you is a very hard thing to go through.


The racing of your heart and chest pains sounds like you might be having anxiety attacks. I think xanax or klonopin would be a big help for you at this time. Look for clinics near you that will help you out if you can't afford it.
 

worriedmommy

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You do not need to apologize. Those friends do not know what it is like to lose a loved one so close. You talk all you want. Prayers being said for some peace for you.
 

mzjazz2u

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It's alright. We all have those times where we are just not quite ourselves. And you've been going through an awful lot.
 

beck4582

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I"m glad you got to go to the festival, even if you went alone. I'm sure he was there with you in spirit. Please feel free to PM me if you need to talk.
 

thezookeeper

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I understand how you feel!!!!! 5 years a go my Grandma was diagnosed with Alzhiemers and I spent MANY hours every day careing for her. I would vent on my friends and other family members because it was SO DIFICULT carring for her. She died in January and now I'm venting because I miss her soooooo much. I still can't believe she is gone. My heart is shattered when I think that I will never ba able to take her on a walk or show her large, beautiful rose garden. She ment so much to me. She was much more then a grandma to me, she was my mom and one of my best friends.

Please know that you should NEVER feel sorry to grieve and that you can continue on to grieve right here. There is a website that has close to 600 memorial songs to remember loved ones http://littlecoop.100megsfree5.com/ that brings me a lot of comfort. There is a quote on the site that says "Grief is not a sign of weakness. It is the price of love." I agree with that quote completely. I hope you will feel better soon but not until you are ready.
 

pat

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Please don't apologize...I don't agree with whomever is saying you need more antidepressants! I think you sound like you are making some real steps forward, and what you describe feeling makes sense to me as part of grieving. I am concerned that you feel like there is no one to talk to..I'm glad to see all the notes here of folks you can pm.

Be patient with yourself, it will take time to get your footing back. You are also recovering from a surgical procedure, please be sure that you are doing as you need to for good hydration and nutrition...some of how you are feeling physically could be related to this.

Sending hugs and
 

sharky

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DO NOT apologize... I am dealing with my Mom s expected yet sudden death ... and well I am not me but ... PM if you want to talk
 

mom of 4

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Carol, this is a nearby location for free medical care. Bring proof of residency.

Collin County Adult Clinic
2520 Avenue K
Plano, Texas 75075
972-679-0035
How to apply: Only people who can prove Collin County residency. Sign up sheet on door on Thurs at 10 AM
New patients return at 4 PM, returning patients at 5 PM Thursday evening, 4-9:30
Primary care for adults and children

There are also some free counseling services in the same area. I don't have the names with me, but I bet CCAC can lead you in the right direction.
 

luvmy2cats

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Oh honey don't feel bad. It's just your way of dealing. If people can't understand that then shame on them. We are all here for you and wish you the best.
 

cococat

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You are one of the nicest people on this forum, I have seen you write many heartfelt honest posts to people and help them thru tough times with your words of encouragement and support. I am so sorry you are going through a rough time, but I think going to the festival was important. They say there are stages in a loss. I know that doesn't bring you comfort but at least you know this is just the way it is. Take care of yourself and keep sharing your thoughts and feelings and don't say you are sorry for anything, there is nothing to be sorry for okay?
 
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