I need your help AGAIN!

Several months ago I wrote asking advice on how to introduce my 'resident kitty" with a new kitty. My resident kitty had been declawed (no I did not do this, this was done prior to me owning her). My vet and several cat adovate friends advised me that due to her incredible dependency upon me and her aggressiveness when I returned home from work that I needed to get a companion. I did so...adopted an incredible kitty (male). He is such a lover, the most incredible loving cat I have ever come across. He'd rather chew a paw off than show aggression. He only wants to love. I followed the wise advise of everyone on the site during introduction understanding that because my kitty had not ever been around other cats, did not have her front claws, and was treated more like a dog than a cat growing up that I would have many challanges. After six weeks, kitty introduction appeared to be successful. I had the patience and followed their time line, not my own.

My problem now....they seemed to co-habitate, mind you not the best of friends, but no unusual for them to be seem at least sleeping on the bed about two feet from one another. During the past three weeks, the resident cat is again attacking the new kitty. Although he is much larger than she and has front claws, he runs from her, never defending himself and crying because she is attacking him. Things seem to be okay one minute the next she turns on him and attacks. I have not observed any evident bite marks as I thouroughly check him after she springs. This is not a change in her behavior, merely a continuation of the intial introduction. My Mister seems to be so happy with me as I love on him, play with him and he returns all affection. By emotional state though is that I am causing more harm by leaving him with such a mean kitty who I also love....no matter what she might do. I love them both so much and only want what is best for them both. But now, I cannot part with either, I love them both and when I adopted him I was dedicated to not returning him to the shelter. I still stand my ground on that. I need help.

Perhaps I should keep them apart again, but is this the best idea? I mean, if I keep them apart and reintroduce....won't the same thing happen again? I find myself being upset with the resident kitty and wanting to cuddle the "new" kitty more because he is such a lover. But then feel guilty for doing so knowing that part of the reason resident kitty is doing these things is out of instinct to protect her territory and claim me as property.

I only write again because of the cries new kitty makes, then when I run to the rescue, bits of hair that have been ripped out in the scuff are found on the floor.

Please anyone that can help me....please help me. I so love them both, yet I know that I cannot make the resident kitty understand.
Any questions to understand what is happening are more than welcome and any advice from the experts would so be appreciated. The tears are flowing and all I want is the best for them.
Thank you!

Hi I am copying and pasting from another thread:

I really recommend this product Comfort Zone With Feliway:

http://tjspetshop.com/comfort_zone_cat.htm
http://www.petguys.com/-039079027910.html

I got a Feliway Plug-In to help my timid Russian Blue kitty accept a calico we rescued 2 years ago. Feliway contains a substance that mimics the calming face rubbing pheromones of a cat. It's marketed to help stop territoriality, spraying, vertical scratching and reduced interaction.

We basically had the same problem as you are having introducing a new cat into the house. Our Russian has always either run away or hissed or batted at the "new" cat even though we introduced them over a period of about 6 months. The day after I got the plug-in, our Russian's behavior improved immensely. She still doesn't love the calico, but she doesn't run away if the calico gets too close — just overall MUCH more relaxed. Even though it's been 2 years since we introduced the calico, it wasn't too late to repair thank goodness.

Definitely worth the money for our cats.

I agree...the Feliway plug-in is wonderful. I think it will be a great help.

Also, make sure she has at least one elevated place to sit in each room. She believes she is the top cat. But, if she doesn't have a top place to sit, she will prove her elevated status by beating up her new sibling. You will be amazed at how much help a few perches can be.

To continue the top cat idea...make sure you always greet her first, feed her first, play with her first, etc. This will help her regain that queenly feeling and may help reduce the aggression.

Also...this is going to sound loony, but it helped with my angry 8 year old male when we brought in a new cat. Out of frustration, I sat down and had a long talk with him about what I expected in his behavior and how he needed to treat his new sister. I'll be darned if he didn't start behaving after that talk! I am sure it is just coincidence, but you might as well try!

Good luck and keep us up to date on how it is going.

lotsocats, I think most of us are looney to devote ourselves to serving our kitties in the first place! And if plant people say talking to your ferns does them good, how looney is talking to a cat who is at least smart enough to know its own name and the significance of the sound of a can being opened?

Also if you have a certain perfume you wear all the time, then mist your hands up, let them dry and rub the scent on both cats- back of the neck, and near their tail. Not to heavy, just enough so they recognize your scent on themselves.

As always thank you guys for helping. Don't know that I would make it through this introduction of kitties without the site for support! It's only been three months and at least they're in the same room now!

I might look into getting a perch of some sort. They have places to sit up high to look out the window, but that idea has sparked a few thoughts looking back. He's in her favorite high spot and I have a little space by the window that I can ditch a chair and add a perch.

Talking....we'll you're not crazy....I talk to them continually. I explain things to her just like a nut thinking that she's going to understand every word I say and just accept the fac that he's not going away (returning him to a shelter is NEVER going to be an option) and try to explain to him why she's doing what she does. I also give him a few boxing tips now and then....I keep thinking, if he'd just bat in the head a couple of times maybe she'd realize it hurts!!!!

Thanks again everyone!