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HUGE family feud... RANT!!!!!

post #1 of 18
Thread Starter 
Very long story short: my DH's grandmother passed away on Valentine's Day. Her son and the executor of the estate, offered us her house the VERY NEXT DAY. We were dumbfounded, totally not expecting it. Here's our chance to get our very own home for very, very little money. They offered it to us just under 1/2 of what it's worth on the market, so we thought it's a no-brainer to try for it. He was pushing and rushing us, and if it were up to him we would have been in two days after her passing. He just doesn't want to deal with making the house payments, paying the utilities, etc. After talking to the bank less than a week after her passing, everything was looking good. All of a sudden, the family is at each other's throats! It's not the price because they all agreed on the price and that his Gram wanted us to have it. But it's so strange now. Wayne is not talking to us, the siblings are fighting, and the bank is waiting for some paperwork that only Wayne has! Now we feel like we can't nag him because he was nagging us so much in the beginning. We want the house so bad and feel like it's our only chance at a great house for very little money, but it's almost not worth all this.

What do you think? I think, NEVER DO BUSINESS WITH FAMILY!!!
post #2 of 18
Where theres a will theres a family
post #3 of 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by TickyTat View Post

What do you think? I think, NEVER DO BUSINESS WITH FAMILY!!!

Yeah, that, and on top of that, never do business with family before the estate has been probated.......in the end, its just better on everyone concerned (trust me, been there, done that) It's one of those things that even if everyone agrees on it, is best done, 'cuz that way if someone changes their mind about it ten years down the road, there's not a darn thing that they can do about it (except gripe, that is).
post #4 of 18
Ohhhh yes, when money is part of the equation, you would be surprised to find a family that did NOT fight over something to the point of not speaking to another sibling, etc.

That is why is it SO imporatant to have a will prepared and list what you want certain people to have because without it you will have fighting!

We had that happen to DH's brother (who didn't have a will and died of a heart attack at 43 yrs old). No wife/kids (thank God), but the rest of the siblings were fighting over some things he had and "claimed" that Milton promised to them. No proof, but to save arguments, we more/less abided to their requests. Milton lived with us, so we had all his stuff.

The biggest problem was the funeral bill and the headstone. We gave up our vacation money that year to help pay the funeral. The rest really didn't contribute very much (and he had 9 other brothers/sisters) and his mother was stuck with the bill which she could not afford.

The headstone was a big fight. One sister decided to take it on her own to go out and pick out an expensive one. The original plan was to pay off the funeral bill (everyone) and then go get the stone by mutual agreement. This sister turned around and sent out a letter to all the siblings telling them how much their portion was. Needless to say, no one (as far as I know) paid because it was not done as planned. We didn't get to help pick out a decent stone, so we didn't pay "our share". BTW this same sister never contributed to the funeral bill either.

Deaths bring out the worse in families!
post #5 of 18
After the death of my grandmother my "Aunt" who was re-married to a new man less than a year after my uncle passed (I'm a little bitter) went to the lawyer to get her inheritance which she thought would be half of the estate for some delusional reason based on a segment of the will that said that if both my father and my uncle died before my grandmother passed it would be split between the daughter in laws, but since my Dad was still living he was the sole beneficiary. She did however recived $5000.00
My Aunt hasn't acknowledged us since nor have we had any contact with her, she is still in possession of my GG Grandfather's metals from the Boer war, Great grandfather's metals from WWI and my grandfathers metals from WWII. I don't think we will ever see them again.
Family no matter how close can stab you in the back She was my aunt for 26 years and now she won't even answer the phone.
post #6 of 18
Oh lord! I know how you feel. It seems like there has to be some big family fight at least once a year on at least one side of the family!!!!

I would ask Wayne if you could pick up the paper work. I don't understand why he is upset if he was the one pushing you to buy the house in the first place. I know family is important, but they knew about this before gram died.
post #7 of 18
It makes me sad when families and friendships get so messed up over money and material possessions. Really, that stuff is so trivial.

I guess it shows you what people REALLY value.
post #8 of 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rosiemac View Post
Where theres a will theres a family
Toooooo funny and unfortunately, too true!!
post #9 of 18
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweet72947 View Post
It makes me sad when families and friendships get so messed up over money and material possessions. Really, that stuff is so trivial.

I guess it shows you what people REALLY value.
So true. No matter how close you are, money can separate people so fast. It's very unfortunate.

Turns out, DH's mother said something to her brother Wayne about us not wanting him to keep his motorcycles in the basement anymore. We never said any such thing! So we think that is why Wayne is upset. Can't say anything to anyone without it getting all twisted around. We did get the paperwork, but Wayne is not speaking to us and we feel confused as to what we did. I am writing Wayne a suck up thank you note for helping us out during this difficult time and that we're lucky and thankful to have been offered the house. Sometimes, something so small can make all the difference.
post #10 of 18
Yes! Write the huge suck-up email/letter.

I take it that Wayne is the executor? Really lawfully speaking, he has the trump card in making the decisions in regards to the will. The family can have input, however he makes the final decision as the executor...that is why they give out the title in addition to directing the will as stated.
So if in the will it says you are to have the house, then you get the house and he makes sure that he gets you the house.

I agree though, dividing up a family will is never fun...when my grandfather passed, my dad was ticked off with his brothers saying that they tried to "screw" him out of money. In orde for him to maintain the relationship, he sold off all of his half to them and called it a day.

With my mom's side...oh boy, that family feud is still being cleaned up and its been 10 year!
post #11 of 18
that is rough. After my grandmother died We had a aunt go nuts over some missing rose glass items. I told her those items where not rose colored glass, but just had some red covering on them, that came apart when someone put them in the dish washer.. Those items no longer existed, We gave her the glass set, But the aunt refused to believe those where the itmes.

she has not spoken to me or others for 20 years now.

People can be soo silly over these things.
post #12 of 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sibohan2005 View Post
After the death of my grandmother my "Aunt" who was re-married to a new man less than a year after my uncle passed (I'm a little bitter) went to the lawyer to get her inheritance which she thought would be half of the estate for some delusional reason based on a segment of the will that said that if both my father and my uncle died before my grandmother passed it would be split between the daughter in laws, but since my Dad was still living he was the sole beneficiary. She did however recived $5000.00
My Aunt hasn't acknowledged us since nor have we had any contact with her, she is still in possession of my GG Grandfather's metals from the Boer war, Great grandfather's metals from WWI and my grandfathers metals from WWII. I don't think we will ever see them again.
Family no matter how close can stab you in the back She was my aunt for 26 years and now she won't even answer the phone.
I know how that goes. When my grandfather died there was obviously a certain amount of money left for each sibling. My uncle decided to take it upon himself to take more than his share.

I was only 8 or 9 at the time I knew nothing about this. I go back to visit when I'm 18 and find that my aunt and uncle (brother and sister) are very bitter with each other. My aunt was bitter with my uncle for taking more than his claim and has never forgiven him.

I find this all out when I go to visit, get stuck in the middle and am literally interogated by my aunt. My mom has forgiven my uncle, but she has not forgotten. So now that I was stuck in the middle, didn't know who to believe, I get blamed for all of it and now only one relative is pretty much talking to us. Why? Because lies breed arrogance, ignorance, jealousy, and hatred. It's a shame to see it all fall apart over something so trivial. The one sibling we do get along with, well, I didn't always get along with my aunt on some things, but I realize that they really and truly are the only family I have left. Hopefully, when I go over to visit again, it will be better.

I never knew my grandmother. My aunt has her bible in my cousin's old room. Now I wish I would have taken it. Now either aunt or uncle speak with us nor to each other. If they do see each other in public then greet formally and do not even acknowledge that they are from the same family.
post #13 of 18
I agree, death brings out the worst in people. Sometimes though, I think it is more because people are upset about the person dying and need to take it out or "blame" someone else so they find something trivial to be angry about instead of facing that stage of grief and working through it.

When my grandfather died, he and grandma had a will that stated certain things would go to certain kids. That was fine, and most of that was gotten, but my uncle was supposed to get the house according to the will. Problem is, my grandmother is still alive and in a nursing home with alzheimers so the house, along with most of the furiture and valuables had to be sold quickly and put into an account to pay for my grandmothers care. Granted my aunts that were dealing with it were in from out of town, but they cleaned out that house so fast it made your head spin. An auctioneer came in and got all the furniture a week after he died. What he didn't take went to good will. I was pretty upset because I am the only grandchild that lived in town and I was over there constantly so some things did have sentimental value.

But, my uncle was the one who is still furious and refuses to talk to my aunt. He stayed at the house when he came home for the funeral, and wanted my aunt to talk to a lawyer about what to do with the house since it is willed to him, but she refused (his understanding was if it was in the will it didn't have to be sold). He knew she was planning on selling everything that wasn't specifically named in the will so when he left after the funeral he took what little things were willed to him, along with anything he thought would be of value.

One good thing, for a wedding present he gave me granddad's medals and grandma's tea service.

But, it is so sad how deaths can tear families apart. After seeing that and hearing horror stories about DH's family after his grandfather died, I was so glad I am an only child!
post #14 of 18
I already know when my grandmother passes, there'll be a huge feud in the family. She said she has knocked out 2 of her 3 kids from her will, and that only my mom and I will receive anything. She wants her house to be sold, and then the money split between me and my mom (probably around $150-200k each if the market stays like it is... the house was paid off in the 1960s). Originally she was just going to leave her house to me, but on the condition I moved back to New Jersey and lived in it. But knowing Rob refuses to move out of South Carolina (sometimes I wish that were different!), she decided to change it to the current will. She says my uncles dont need anything - one uncle and his wife make good bank! They also sold my aunt's parents' house for $400k after they died, so they're doing rather well. My other uncle is the black sheep part of the family - with horrible children who do drugs (pot, coke, heroin...) and are just overall bad.

We'll see what really happens. This side of the family is constantly mad at one another for something stupid. My uncle's weren't even talking at my grandpa's memorial service!! They wanted to fight each other! Knowing my grandma she'll live forever, and that'd be great!
post #15 of 18
My mom basically "left" everything to me. She didn't own property but made sure I was the sole beneficiary of her life insurance policy and her IRA. Her savings account was a trust account in my name. She did it this way since she knew I would abide by her wishes to divide everything equally between my 2 older brothers. Once the burial arrangements had been paid, I divided everything left over. But I took a hit since the IRA was in my name, I had to pay the taxes. Legally, I didn't have to send them a penny, but I promised my mom. It kept peace between me and my brothers.

But a few years before my mom died, she sold the property that she did have. The house on it should have been condemned long before she moved out. My oldest brother hit the roof when he found out she sold the place because he "had big plans" for it. He didn't even live in our town anymore!

He didn't even show up until the night before the graveside services. (mom didn't want a funeral). He lives in the same state as me, about a 3 hour drive. My other brother lives in Oklahoma. A friend of mine took me down to LAX to pick him and his wife up the very next day. His friends had bought him the plane tickets. He help with the arrangements, the older brother couldn't be bothered.

Well, at the graveside services, he introduced himself to the funeral director as "Hazel's oldest son" thinking that he would give him the guest book and all of that. The director was polite but then turned and gave the items to me.. since I was in charge of the arrangements.

Right now, I am waiting for the settlement of my great-uncle's estate who died a few years ago, without a will. Since he was a bachelor and had no kids, they turned to the children and grandchildren of his brothers and sisters. My brothers and me are going to get 1/72 of the estate. I should be getting it soon. I never even knew him since I am in California and he died in Texas. That is the best inheritance... One you didn't even know you were going to get.

Meda
post #16 of 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tara & Rob View Post
I already know when my grandmother passes, there'll be a huge feud in the family. She said she has knocked out 2 of her 3 kids from her will, and that only my mom and I will receive anything.
As long as it's in the will they can twist on all they want. My late husband and i were seperated but he still left everything to me, naturally the family were upset and wrote to my lawyer to contest the will, but a letter back from him explaining that it was my husbands final wish and that it was all on a legal document which meant they couldn't do a thing about it.
post #17 of 18
You can also put in the will that IF anyone contests the will they are automatically out of the will. We have that in ours - it will be divided between our 4 kids equally and if any of the kids wants our house then they will have to buy out their 3 brothers share. Otherwise it gets sold and split between them
post #18 of 18
Thread Starter 
Just goes to show that EVERYONE should have a detailed LEGAL will. Then TS about what everyone thinks or wants. Nothing you can do about it!
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