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Why is she still sending me this stuff?

post #1 of 12
Thread Starter 
Long time ago I moved out on my someone I use to call my best friend while in college. Without going into details, there were many reasons why I did this and stopped talking to her.

The last couple of years, my mom has decided to send me updates on her family. Apparently she works with someone that is a neighbor of this family. More recently she reported that her brother went to Iraq and today she decided to send me her father's obiturary.

I have some empathy, yes, but honestly: I don't care. I really doubt my mom is trying to get us to talk to each other because she'll make snide comments about the family in the email. I've told my mom before that I could care less about ex-friend and the family. The emails will die down, but then she'll talk to this coworker and then the information starts to come in. I've finally just taken to ignoring the emails and when I write back I don't even acknowledge the information she sent.

Thanks for letting me vent a little.
post #2 of 12
Some people doesn´t grew up, I mean, in age are big but in mind still re-live that back moments, so doesn´t care if hurt your feelings when they talk....
The Indiff is the best cure as well you said...

.....And is a pleasure to read about you dear Jenney!...
post #3 of 12
It's a commonality that you share. You know the family and your mom knows one of their neighbours.

I tend to think that your mom sends you that information just for idle chatter and an excuse to contact you.

Be nice and cordial about it. It's not causing any harm since you say you don't really care. But it obviously means something to your mom to tell it to you, so why rain on her parade?

One day you won't have a mom and you would give anything to be able to have her talk to you about anything, even the goings on of past friends.

Spend time with your mom and enjoy whatever the 2 of you talk about, regardless of what it is.
post #4 of 12
or it could be cause your mom, kinda still thinks your friends with the person?
post #5 of 12
Thread Starter 
Rigels hit in on the nose...she has problems letting go of certain situations. I.e. When I first went off to college after high school, I (of course) met someone that my mom was convinced to be my future husband. He and I dated for one month, then his ex came back into his life and that was that. When I returned home the following summer she was still PO'd that he broke things off with me. Even my dad was starting to wonder if she had a crush on that ex

I appreciate that she's still protective of me and that she sees this as a commonality, but I wish she would remember how badly I was hurt by the situation and leave the past in the past.
post #6 of 12
My mom used to do the same thing. We lived in a small town and there are some people I just fell out of touch with and never cared if I saw again. Well, mom was still in the same town with them, and would let me know what was going on if she saw them. I think it's just a mom thing...a community thing.
post #7 of 12
I have a somewhat different perspective. Why are you letting you mother keep sending you those notes? A simple, "I am not her friend anymore, so can we just move on? I am not going to reconcile with her ever, so please, let's just talk about the current friends of mine and of yours."
post #8 of 12
I was friends with a really nice guy in high school, and my mom adored him. Great guy, wonderful friend, but he was gay, so of course there was no chance for us to be anything more than friends. She finally pushed so hard, he backed away from me, probably thinking I was putting her up to it. She constantly talked about us marrying, etc. Right up until she died she would see him at the hospital, he drew her blood, and it would start over. She would just not let go of it.
post #9 of 12
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by butzie View Post
I have a somewhat different perspective. Why are you letting you mother keep sending you those notes? A simple, "I am not her friend anymore, so can we just move on? I am not going to reconcile with her ever, so please, let's just talk about the current friends of mine and of yours."
I have done that for the last 6 years and I wish it were that easy. I've said it calmly, respectfully, angerly, sadly, crying, etc...things will die down for a while, but then she forgets everything I told her and brings things back up

I know one of her neighbors moved last fall and this neighbor kept my mom in the gossip ring of people in the neighborhood and such. Since she's left, my mom really has no one else to gossip with, so I think she's trying to pass on the information to me since the information is coming more frequently now.
post #10 of 12
She probably just thinks you'd still be interested in having the info. My mom sometimes does the same thing. When she asks I just say, "yes, I got it thank you."
post #11 of 12
Oh jeez.....I don't know why people do that. I've had a few emails or calls like that. I just say....uh huh, that's interesting, ANYWAYS....

post #12 of 12
I think I would just reply without mentioning anything she said about that girl an her family..maybe someday she will realize that you don't care to hear about that stuff.
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