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I am extremely upset about this

post #1 of 26
Thread Starter 
Over the years I have owned several different cats and they have all brought me so much joy. The problem is, they have also created a lot tension between me and my parents, especially my mother. One of the main issues is that I absolutely refuse to declaw any cat.

My parents don't understand cat behavior, and my mother is afraid of Snowball for some strange reason. Ignoring what my parents have to say about the subject of cats doesn't work because they are persistant, again, especially my mother. I have thought about purchasing some educational videos about cats and watching them with my parents. Will this help my situation? Eventually, I would like to get a couple of kittens, but I also want the tension between me and my parents to end.

I would appreciate some opinions.
post #2 of 26
This might be stating the obvious but, how bout just sitting down and talking it over with them, perhaps you can print some pictures from stopdeclaw.com.
post #3 of 26
I think so. Are there videos out there? I guess there would be! Guess we should check meowhoo. It would be a great groundbreaker for the conversation you obviously want to have with her/them. And to parents children are always children, no matter how old and experienced and knowledgeable they are. So the opinion of "experts" will certainly help. I think it's the right thing to do.

post #4 of 26
I know how u feel about the tension thing...I have 10 cats my grandma wants to take to pound because she thinks I have tooo many...All I can tell you is to present your case well and cross your paws for your cat and all the other/cats and owners out there...Figure out a compromise like keeping the cat in a certain room or something so it's claws wont be a danger to the furnitre to make them mad. Good Luck..let us know what happens.
post #5 of 26
Thread Starter 
Originally posted by LDG
to parents children are always children, no matter how old and experienced and knowledgeable they are
Very true

Ken, sitting down and talking to them about cats and their behavior has never worked, but I will try your other suggestion. That may help!
post #6 of 26
I hope you are able to make them come to the realization that at least YOUR cat is not out to get them, lol.
There are many things online that you can print out and show them, including pictures of the declaw process, and info on cat behavoir.

I've had many people growing up who were afraid of our rats and mice but eventually came to love them. And Other people who are afraid of ferrets, but once again, just have them spend time in the same room, and they'll see the animal isn't going to spontaniously attack them feircly, pet your cat, kiss your cat and play with your cat infront of your mother, to just show her repeatedly how cuddly and sweet cats really are.

Good luck!
post #7 of 26
I would definitely print out some materials that show and explain why declawing is so cruel. Perhaps graphics will help them understand!

I hope it all works out, I know that tension w/ your parents must be hard!
post #8 of 26
Thread Starter 
My parents live some distance away and I know they plan to visit in about a month. I think I will start putting some information together and will mail it to them. Hopefully, on their next visit they will be a little more knowledgeable about cats!
post #9 of 26
This may sound mean, but if you don't live with them, you could try telling them to mind their own business.
post #10 of 26
I agree with krazy kat2, you're obviously an adult, and you don't live with your parents, so it's really none of their business if you choose to have cats, and especially clawed cats.

Nobody has the right to tell you how to run your life, and that includes your parents. Once you're an adult, you get to make your own choices.

I'm sure my parents, who have no pets, think of me as some kind of crazy cat lady, but they know better than to comment. I think they're crazy for having no cats, but again....what business is it of mine how they choose to live?

Personally, if it was me. I'd put my argument forward, and if they didn't see your side of the situation...tell them that it's your choice, and the subject is no longer open to debate. I think once they realise that you won't budge on the issue, they will back off. To their defence, if they've never owned cats, they probably don't know just how deep an owner's love can be for his/her cat(s). I've tried explaining this to non cat people, and they just can't understand, or refuse to even try to understand. So, I don't discuss my cats with them anymore.

post #11 of 26
Lorie...I remember you mentioning this a while back. It's pretty sad that your parents feel that way but I honestly don't think much you say or do will change their minds.

You can show them all the info you have, videos if you find some etc....and if that does not help. Just tell them that you will not agree with their decision as to how to care for your cat and that you are absolutely against de-clawing. Snowball is your cat. They can say all they want but bottom line is: you take care of your kitty, not them. It seems like this has been an ongoing battle for some time and if every visit causes you such heartache and tension, is it really worth the hassle? I'd put my foot down and like some have said: end of story. This is my home, my cat, and my way of doing things. Period. Of course, there are nicer ways to word things cause it is your parents and it's a tough situation but.....I'd end put an end to it if I were you.

Good luck!
post #12 of 26
Thank goodness, my parents are animal lovers. Even if they weren't, they'd NEVER try to tell me how to run my home.

Lorie, maybe you just need to assert yourself and say, "Its my house, my rules."
post #13 of 26
Some people just don't or won't understand.

My mother was the same way when Sunshine had a urinary blockage last year and needed surgery since catheterization didn't help. She told me that I was crazy to spend several hundred dollars for the procedure, "After all, it's just a cat, you can always get another one." This is the same woman who raised me to be good and kind and all that stuff. She also was infuriated when I kept Lilith's 6 kittens when I couldn't find GOOD homes for them. She told me my standards (no declawing, must neuter/spay, and indoors only) were too high and unreasonable, and that if no one took them I should just drop them off at the shelter. These were the kittens I helped to be born, my little angels.

I told her it was a good thing that I was an only child, otherwise she might have dropped me off on a doorstep if she had another one.
post #14 of 26
my parents also think I have gone nuts. I went from my first cat to three over 7 months. As a child I was never aloud to have a pet, now I got married and so I got one, which led to another for companion, and the third picked me at the shelter where I help out. Even my husband was not so thrilled about the third although he loves cats, (had no choice they are so cute!) he thinks it may be too much work for me. My parents just don't understand, because they never had a cat, they do like animals, but never had one at home. So, when she asks me why or says you should get rid of one, they are ruining your couch blah blah, I just say I want them end of story. My mom thinks they are replacing me having kids, not so, I plan to have kids later in life...so I opt for just not discussing them, they occasionally ask how are the cats, I say fine, end of that topic, ofcourse when they are over ans see them play, I think it changes their mind a little each time. I will alays feel bad for those who don't get to expirience the love of a companion animal. They really do enrich your life in so many ways.
post #15 of 26

You are your own person, and your cat should be the testament to how well you care for your animals. My mother refuses to visit with us anymore, because I have to many animals. She does not understand how I can live with cats underfoot all the time, but my father loves all the cats and he is sad she won't let him come and see us. The last time she was here, we had peacocks too- have you ever heard them scream? LOL They sound like someone getting murdered! They had taken up residence in a tree back by the creek and serenaded us every morning, noon and night!

Sometimes, no matter how you try, you can't change someone's view on things, and trying to make them understand by forcing the issue, usually just makes the whole thing worse.
post #16 of 26
Hate to be harsh, but just ask them how they would feel to have their fingers cut off at the knuckle. It should get the point across.
post #17 of 26
We just "got" 2 new cats with us... they just wandered to our home and stayed for the food and TLC (can't imagine it was being neutered that attracted them )

Anyway, We live next door to my in-laws who used to think 3 cats is nuts. You should have seen my MIL's face when we told her we now have 5 but she knows better than to say something (ok, she did say something, but not much ) I think they decide I'm totally nuts when I rescued a chicken that our dog caught, took her to the vet to be treated and all....

I don't know your parents Lorie. I guess a lot depends on what kind of people they are and what kind of relationship you have (cats aside). Me, I just smile and let them talk and don't do what they say.
post #18 of 26
My dad was beyond livid when he found out I had 3 cats... he wanted to tie them up to his bumper He has never EVER liked animals...
post #19 of 26
I have family like that... those who don't like cats, and have no consideration for those who do care and love their little furry babies. I especially love hearing what they would do to a cat if it were theirs, and that when I have a real baby of my own, how I won't care about my cat at all. It just sickens me that even people in my family could think of such cruel things to do to an animal (and no, I don't care if they say it just to get me riled up, it's not called for.) These are the same people who should know me the best, and they hardly know me at all. I'd sooner never have children if I thought I'd care less about Spike afterwards.
post #20 of 26
Jenn, I heard that "wait till you have kids" thing so often. Don't worry - it hasn't changed the way I feel about my furbabies one bit! It only makes me happy to see how Ron enjoys having his furry brothers and sister around him

I think it's horrible that your family members are saying these things to upset you. Maybe if you explained to them how much it hurts you they would stop? If not maybe give them a shock treatment? Tell them the same thing only using the word "baby" instead of cat - see how they feel (assuming they're not really psychopaths that is )
post #21 of 26
Wouldn't phaze my dad a bit sad to say. he hated my dog too... he actually did a dance when she had to be put to sleep (24 years old, had cancer).
post #22 of 26
Wow, after reading some of these things my family's reactions seem very mild. Everyone else just sighs and then laughs now when I tell them about a new pet, my mom is the one that annoys me... She always has this resigned/angry voice and says something like 'no, not again' and refuses to talk about it for a bit. She does come around though. By now she knows that arguing with me will do no good, I am an adult and make my own choices, but it's still really annoying that she has this negative attitude. Of course I can't even get angry, because it's very minor, and she always comes around (loves all my pets) and takes care of them when I'm away (as I do with their dog).

My most recent pets are four geckos, and mom didn't even want to hear about them at first, but now listens to my little tales just fine, and has even agreed to feed them mealworms if needed when I'm away. For me what works is that I don't push the issue at first, and then just talk about my pets, tell her about them, and usually she becomes curious and learns. Those people that honestly dislike my pets don't come and visit me in my home, I go to their place or meet them elsewhere. I have a good friend that has a strong dislike to especially dogs but cats too, but she's made the effort to deal with it, and listens to my pet tales just fine, just as I listen to things that interest her a lot, but I'm not too keen on.

Could you possibly talk to your parents and say that since this is a topic you will not agree on, could you just not talk about it because it's making you upset and not getting you anywhere? It seems to me that if your parents will not change her views about cats, there's no point in talking about it, but it would make your situation easier if you could just agree to disagree and respect each other's right to their own opinions. I know it's easier said than done...
post #23 of 26
My dad used to love to tell me horrible stories about what his disgusting friends did to cats. I finally told him if he didn't knock it off, I wasn't coming to see his miserable old butt any more. He acted like he didn't see the problem, but he stopped.
post #24 of 26
My first MIL wanted us to get rid of our dog, when Richard was born. She said that Penny was so spoiled, that she'd be jealous and hurt the baby. Shoot, Penny didn't even notice Richard, for three days. Then, she sniffed him, all over, licked the top of his head and ignored him, until he was old enough to play. Richard, actually, cut a couple of teeth, on Penny's tail. Whenever she had enough, she'd pull away and go where Richard couldn't reach her.
post #25 of 26
Thanks for the reassurance Anne. I have no doubt that if I ever do have children, Spike will be loved as much as he is now.

And no, my family really isn't a bunch of psychopaths (at least I don't think! ). I have tried the baby reference actually... even beyond explaining that when they say things like that about Spike, I take it as if they'd do this to my child, because that's how I feel about him. People that adopt children instead of having them love those adopted children like their own, and I just don't get why they refuse to accept I love Spike like that.

For now, I just try not to bring him up in conversation. I really do love all my family members, and most of them are quite nice and loving (besides the cat issue). Last time my cousin commented with the words "drop-kick" and "Spike" in the same sentence, I asked her to remember that for when she has kids and asks me to babysit. What's good enough for my child, is good enough for hers.
post #26 of 26
Lorie, I just read all of this for the first time. I am so sorry to hear you are still having to deal with your parents not liking your cats. I wish I could give you some good advice....I feel so bad you have to be put through all of this by them.
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