Is it ever ok to call someone fat?

catlover19

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I had this huge fight with my boyfriend yesterday about calling people fat. He thinks that if the person calls themself fat, then its ok to say it to them because they say it about themself so what is the difference?

It all started with us getting ready to go out last night. The button popped off my jeans and I said I was fat and he agreed with me. It started a huge fight, which he still refuses to apologize for because he doesn't think it is wrong to call someone fat.


I really don't think it is right to call anyone fat, whether they are or aren't.
 

kelicat

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I say no, regardless of the circumstances. Even if you are intervening and trying to help someone, even if they repeatedly call themselves fat, and tell you to call it like it is.... It is just not appropriate. There are many other ways to get a point across.

I get aggrevated with my DH too, b/c he will call people that. He gets an earful every time.
 

pookie-poo

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If your boyfriend called you that, regardless whether you called yourself fat, it means that he has very little respect for your feelings. If he calls other people fat, then he's an insensitive and disrespectful boor.
 
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catlover19

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Originally Posted by Pookie-poo

If your boyfriend called you that, regardless whether you called yourself fat, it means that he has very little respect for your feelings. If he calls other people fat, then he's an insensitive and disrespectful boor.
I have never seen him call anyone else fat. He does say it to me sometimes though. It really bothers me that I can't get the point across to him that its not ok to call somebody fat.

One day, I had just gotten a haircut and I went to visit him at work after and he said he didn't like it because it was too short. I asked his boss if he says things like that to his wife (they aren't much older than us, he's like 25) and he said oh yeah, I tell her that I hate her hairstyle all the time. I asked him if he calls his wife fat and he said yes.
 

catloverin_ks

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Originally Posted by Pookie-poo

If your boyfriend called you that, regardless whether you called yourself fat, it means that he has very little respect for your feelings. If he calls other people fat, then he's an insensitive and disrespectful boor.
Well said!! That is so rude to call your spouse fat, let alone anyone else!
 

goldenkitty45

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I kinda agree with your bf here - YOU said you were fat - he was agreeing with you. What did you expect him to say "no you're not fat"?

That's not really fair in my book. IMO never ask a loaded question like "am I fat" if you don't want someone to tell you the truth.
 

EnzoLeya

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Originally Posted by catlover19

I have never seen him call anyone else fat. He does say it to me sometimes though. It really bothers me that I can't get the point across to him that its not ok to call somebody fat.

One day, I had just gotten a haircut and I went to visit him at work after and he said he didn't like it because it was too short. I asked his boss if he says things like that to his wife (they aren't much older than us, he's like 25) and he said oh yeah, I tell her that I hate her hairstyle all the time. I asked him if he calls his wife fat and he said yes.
I could never stay with someone like that.....what a jerk!!!
 

lunasmom

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Depends on the circumstances IMO. If I could tell that a good friend of mine is heading towards the road of obesity, then I would interject. It hurts their feelings yes, but in the long run could save their health.

However, funnily enough, boys are like that. Most of them see things as black/white rather than a bunch of gray. B was like that when we first started dating...I "trained" him that he shouldn't say things like that...now instead of agreeing with me, he offers suggestions like "If you're feeling fat, try eating vegatarian as that is usually low fat food."
 

clixpix

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He probably doesn't understand that when you called yourself fat that you were probably saying it from a place of pain. You weren't saying it to invite him to agree. He didn't have to say you weren't fat, but he certainly didn't have to agree.

That being said, guys don't think like we do, so don't say these things to him in that offhand way. If you say it that way, he thinks it really doesn't matter to you.
 
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catlover19

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Originally Posted by GoldenKitty45

I kinda agree with your bf here - YOU said you were fat - he was agreeing with you. What did you expect him to say "no you're not fat"?

That's not really fair in my book. IMO never ask a loaded question like "am I fat" if you don't want someone to tell you the truth.
Well I didn't say "am I fat?" I just said I need a new pair of pants because I am getting too fat. I did not ask a question at all.

I really don't think I am that fat, I just have days when I do. Like when I put on my favourite pair of jeans and the button pops off, or last week when I got asked if I was pregnant.
 

novemberflowers

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In 99.9% of cases, no, it is not okay to call people fat. In this case, I think what the boyfriend said was really mean.

I have known a couple people who are morbidly obese and have come to terms with their size (one is heavily involved in a body image group who supports trying healthy new habits, but for health benefits only, not to lose weight)...they both said that they know they are fat and there's no reason for people to tiptoe around it. However, I think this is extreme and unusual (though misguided because they have big health problems), and for most people, weight is a sensitive issue. I'd personally not call anyone fat.
 

butzie

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Never. Some persons who weigh more than the norm have really low self-esteem and calling them "fat" would lower it even more.
 

felinelady

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I agree: one--especially one's significant other (who would have been wise to change the subject
)-- should not call another fat. This term is such an emotionally-laden word.

Just my two cents,

Felinelady
 

ping

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Originally Posted by GoldenKitty45

I kinda agree with your bf here - YOU said you were fat - he was agreeing with you. What did you expect him to say "no you're not fat"?

That's not really fair in my book. IMO never ask a loaded question like "am I fat" if you don't want someone to tell you the truth.
I have to agree with GoldenKitty here. Even tho you did not ask an out and out question you still said something that the SO is going to have to respond to. Would you have rather him lie to you or say nothing and pretend you never said anything?

Anything along the lines of fat, hair styles, clothes choices etc are loaded questions for men. Either they tell the truth and get blasted or lie and get blasted. Its a no win for them. Same goes with if you hold 2 outfits up one blue one red and ask the man which you should wear. He gives an answer and you choose the other option instead. He can't win.

I prefer my husband be honest even if it hurts a bit. I don't wanna be pacified
by a lie.
 

weldrwomn

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I am training my hubby that it is really never ok to agree with me when I say that I am fat. I am actually fishing for a compliment of some sort instead of wanting him to agree with me.

Before there was readily avaliable food for most people, it was actually not offensive to call someone fat. If a person was fat, it meant that they were successful at procuring/raising food...

Today, I generally prefer to be a little tactful about the word fat since it is no longer a compliment, but sometimes it is a subject that needs to be talked about.
 

stormchickx

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I don't think it is okay either. Having someone say that can have hurtful consequences (speaking from personal experiences here).
 

mews2much

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I woud never call anyone fat. I have some friends that are obese and it isnt their fault. Its a Medical problem. I get mad at my Husband sometimes because he wil make remarks about other people. He would never say it to their face though.
 
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