Is it ever ok to call someone fat?

natalie_ca · Feb 9, 2008

Funny I should see this thread now

I was waiting for my return ride home from the gym. A woman with 2 young girls (maybe 4 and 6?) sat down on the sofa across from me. I was listening to an ebook, but I heard the oldest girl lean over to her mother and say "Mom. That lady is really fat".

I pretended I didn't hear and the woman pulled her daughter over and I heard her say "That's not very nice! It's mean to say something like that. I never want to hear you say that again! Ok?"

I am glad that she addressed that with the girl. Because it is never ok to "point and laugh" at someone regardless of the reason.

It's not ok to walk up to a black person and say "You're a

" ("N" word), because that's a racial slur and is not tolerated.

Unfortunately us "fat" people experience prejudice every single day in our lives from:
- not getting that good job
- not being able to buy fashionable clothing in a regular department store
- having to pay for TWO plane tickets when flying
- comments and sneers from strangers

And society seems to think that it's ok.

IMHO your boy friend is rude and ignorant. My hope for people like him is that one day they will be a few pounds over weight, or have some physical disability / scarring that will make them "different" and that they will experience the very same prejudice remarks that they subjected other people to for years.

catkiki · Feb 9, 2008

I like to use this quote...

I am not fat.... I am just fluffy!

marie-p · Feb 9, 2008

I wouldn't call someone fat. I think it's alright to comment on their health if they ask, but calling someone "fat" just seems insulting.

Even if you called yourself fat because you were depressed about gaining some weight, I don't think your boyfriend was right to call you fat too. I mean, if he did something clumsy and called himself an idiot as a reaction, would it be alright to tell him "yes, as a matter of fact, you are an idiot."?

(unless of course you were just teasing him and you knew he would find it funny too)

faith's_mom · Feb 9, 2008

Originally Posted by catlover19

I had this huge fight with my boyfriend yesterday about calling people fat. He thinks that if the person calls themself fat, then its ok to say it to them because they say it about themself so what is the difference?

It all started with us getting ready to go out last night. The button popped off my jeans and I said I was fat and he agreed with me. It started a huge fight, which he still refuses to apologize for because he doesn't think it is wrong to call someone fat.

I really don't think it is right to call anyone fat, whether they are or aren't.

I would say you two are just going to have to agree to disagree...

I agree with you though...even if a person is humorous about it, and there are fat jokes flying around, I don't necessarily think it is 'right'...

natalie_ca · Feb 9, 2008

I say hit in in the self esteem area...

Tell him that size really does matter and that women say it doesn't so they don't hurt the guy's feelings, and then tell him that he comes up short in that department and that you've been faking it

trouts mom · Feb 9, 2008

Originally Posted by lunasmom

Depends on the circumstances IMO. If I could tell that a good friend of mine is heading towards the road of obesity, then I would interject. It hurts their feelings yes, but in the long run could save their health.

I agree here

ping · Feb 9, 2008

Originally Posted by catlover19

I wont ride a bike because of a bad accident from when I was younger. I definitely can't walk. It would take me at least 6 hours to walk to town. I once walked to the corner store and it took 2Â½ hours. I don't like walking on these roads either because there is no sidewalk and tractors and stuff always going down here.

I understand your frustration on wanting to lose but not having a gym you can go to. I also live in a rural area and I have 3 kids but I found ways to get exercise in without having to leave the house. I use Walk Away the Pounds tapes and yes Richard Simmons (both of which you should be able to borrow from a library) to get my exercise in and lose weight. It can be done without a gym you just have to get creative.

catlover19 · Feb 9, 2008

Originally Posted by strange_wings

How bad was the bike accident? I stopped riding when my vision started getting bad (before my parents would get me glasses) and because I had one to many close calls with idiots nearly running me over.

I was going down a pretty steep hill on my way to school one morning (this was back when I was about 11). My foot slipped off the petal and got caught in the wheel and my bike flipped forward but my foot was stuck in the wheel. I screwed up my ankle pretty bad and it has only gotten worse since. Now, I limp a lot after work or doing anything on my feet.

Originally Posted by Catkiki

I like to use this quote...

I am not fat.... I am just fluffy!

I like that.

Originally Posted by Natalie_ca

I say hit in in the self esteem area...

Tell him that size really does matter and that women say it doesn't so they don't hurt the guy's feelings, and then tell him that he comes up short in that department and that you've been faking it

Thats funny.

We just went to the grocery store and we bought food and he said "I got lean cuisine and you got the regular ones....fatty!" and then he stopped and was like oh...I didn't mean that. I just laughed it off because he was only joking about that.

laureen227 · Feb 9, 2008

Originally Posted by Ping

I understand your frustration on wanting to lose but not having a gym you can go to. I also live in a rural area and I have 3 kids but I found ways to get exercise in without having to leave the house. I use Walk Away the Pounds tapes and yes Richard Simmons (both of which you should be able to borrow from a library) to get my exercise in and lose weight. It can be done without a gym you just have to get creative.

i was going to suggest something i saw a friend doing - she was doing a stairstep type of routine, using a cinderblock! but if you have foot issues, that's probably out. what about yoga? most of it isn't weight-bearing...

ooomisseooo · Feb 9, 2008

I feel that is a tad bit rude. Perhaps, if you feel the need to help that person just suggest a more lighter diet.

clairebear · Feb 9, 2008

Originally Posted by GoldenKitty45

I kinda agree with your bf here - YOU said you were fat - he was agreeing with you. What did you expect him to say "no you're not fat"?

That's not really fair in my book. IMO never ask a loaded question like "am I fat" if you don't want someone to tell you the truth.

I agree with GoldenKitty. I don't know what you look like or what you weigh, but I wouldn't lie and tell someone that is overweight that they aren't.

going nova · Feb 10, 2008

Originally Posted by laureen227

my grandmother didn't like it - she felt it was more 'polite' to say 'overweight' or some other type of euphemism. my mother & i both told her it was not a character flaw, just a physical description, like brown hair or blue eyes.
that said, i would never call another person fat unless i knew they felt about that word in the same way i do.

It's not OK to use it as a negative/hurt somebody's feelings, but as an objective description. Some parts of me are slender, but other parts of me are fat.

theimp98 · Feb 10, 2008

it is very inpolite to just walk up and tell some one.
however if someone asks, they must to know the truth.

the classic question, does this make me look fat , sorry but if you someone asks they must want to know the truth

I am sure my buddy wished now he has taken the time and talked to his mother about her weight. She died at 49 years of age, and 380 pounds. at 4' 4"

One of the few friends i have left in this area, is almost 600 now. His doc told has told he does not have long left, we have talked about it several times, But it does no good. when the nights we get to game togehter, he sits there eats a a whole large pizza, and a whole box of oreo cookies.

is rude to bring it up,when we are together, yep it is. But i still talk to him about it. at least if he dies at 35 i can say, i talked to him.

callista · Feb 10, 2008

Thing is, EVERYBODY talks to very fat people about their weight. I only weigh 210 and 5', and everybody I know at more than an acquaintance level has talked to me about my weight because they are "concerned about my health". Well, I've got news for them--my health is fine; my blood pressure is normal, I have no traces of diabetes, I eat healthy food (though I need more of it than they need), and chances are I exercise more than they do. Fact is, if you want to lose weight, it's not a matter of exercise and eating right. Those will just make you a healthy fat person. To lose weight, you have to eat less than you put out--that is, you have to starve. And because I know that at my weight I can still be healthy (and that's been proven--if you're obese, and you eat right, and you exercise, your life expectancy is totally normal), I choose not to starve.

What's so horrible about being fat? I'm fat, and it's not that big a deal. It's just the stupid way society looks at us that's the problem. They don't look that way at people who don't exercise (which is ten times as dangerous as being fat, and by the way, yes, I exercise; that just means I've got muscles under the fat.).

Anyway, the whole thing about calling other people fat is a problem, because it's not a bad thing, but society thinks it is, and the fat person you might be calling fat might agree with society and be all ashamed of it. It's way easier if you're fat yourself. I can just casually call myself fat, and that implicitly tells the other person that I think it's OK for them to be fat, too. Still, it's still considered such an insult that there's too much potential of hurting somebody else, unless you know they're OK with being fat.

Why is it that a few more fat cells (or the color of your skin, or the level of your IQ, or any number of trivial things) can make such a huge difference in how people perceive you? What's so horrible about being different that other people not only feel superior, but don't even think about feeling superior?

It's just thoughtless. Literally. People don't think about their own feelings towards those who are different in some way; and that's the easiest way to get prejudiced. Thankfully the cure is easy too--just meet and get to know some people of the subject group, and your thinking will change just because you'll have a mental picture of them as "just folks".

(Oh, and don't call people "fat", even if they like their body shapes, if they're just curvy. That doesn't qualify as obesity; it's normal-weight and only the modeling industry will tell you different. It's like having an actual butt is a mortal sin.)

ping · Feb 10, 2008

Originally Posted by Callista

Thing is, EVERYBODY talks to very fat people about their weight. I only weigh 210 and 5', and everybody I know at more than an acquaintance level has talked to me about my weight because they are "concerned about my health". Well, I've got news for them--my health is fine; my blood pressure is normal, I have no traces of diabetes, I eat healthy food (though I need more of it than they need), and chances are I exercise more than they do. Fact is, if you want to lose weight, it's not a matter of exercise and eating right. Those will just make you a healthy fat person. To lose weight, you have to eat less than you put out--that is, you have to starve. And because I know that at my weight I can still be healthy (and that's been proven--if you're obese, and you eat right, and you exercise, your life expectancy is totally normal), I choose not to starve.

You don't have to starve yourself to lose weight. You eat anywhere from 500-1000 calories less than what it takes for you to maintain your (general) weight. I did it by cutting 500 in calories and exercising out the extra 500. I ate and still eat every 2-3 hours I was never starving and I lost weight. Its not true that you have to starve yourself to lose weight.

addiebee · Feb 10, 2008

Even my doctor won't use the word, because it is so emotionally loaded.

dragoriana · Feb 10, 2008

Well i'm fat so i can call others fat

i hate it when people pick on me and laugh behind my back. I don't do that to others. But when i'm feeling really bad, i sometimes still get surprised that there ARE people bigger than me, and i never want to get that big. I'm fat, but not 'can't get out of a car' sort of fat. I'm always worried about my weight, and when i see someone who weights probably well over 200kg, i thank my lucky stars i can still go for long walks and do everything unaided. Even with a bung hip (not because i'm cuddly, but because of an operation i had when i was 5) i'm still ok.

xlaydeextaniax · Feb 10, 2008

i think it's wrong to call someone fat! it's heartless! that sort of thing can really mess people up, it can cause depression, & even worse can make that person do drastic things!

fwan · Feb 11, 2008

I just got back visiting my parents in Rome (hadnt seen them in 8 months), the first thing my mother said when i walked in the door was... Jesus you're fat!
They then gave me a jumper and as i was about to put it on, my father said.. i wouldnt you seem to be fatter.
mind you i weigh 62 kgs and i'm 5'2 just because im not anorexic anymore that doesnt mean im fat! ergggggg..

I only find it acceptable if you really know the person and ifyou know how they will react.

twstychik · Feb 11, 2008

*Disclaimer* I haven't read the entire thread.

Originally Posted by EnzoLeya

I agree, I wouldn't ever call someone fat. It's so hurtful and it really is an ugly word

I agree. Of course, there are times when perhaps a friend is slipping and needs to be reminded. I have a friend that has lost over 100 lbs. I'm so very proud of her and she has flat out asked me to call her out if she starts gaining again. However, I think there are much more tactful ways for me to do this with out my saying "Hey ____, Your looking a little fat again."

Originally Posted by GoldenKitty45

I kinda agree with your bf here - YOU said you were fat - he was agreeing with you. What did you expect him to say "no you're not fat"?

That's not really fair in my book. IMO never ask a loaded question like "am I fat" if you don't want someone to tell you the truth.

I agree that it is a bit of a loaded question/statement but again, tact can be used. Yes, this may sound cliche and patronizing but I love my husband's response when he sees me worrying about my weight. He'll usually give me a hug, assure me that he loves me no matter how my body looks then suggests some exercise

to help work off a few pounds. Of course, I think this response is also largely in part because he's also heavy and is also sensative about it at times.

Originally Posted by Pookie-poo

If your boyfriend called you that, regardless whether you called yourself fat, it means that he has very little respect for your feelings. If he calls other people fat, then he's an insensitive and disrespectful boor.

While calling someone "fat" isn't nice... retaliating with more name calling doesn't do any good. Yes, his remarks may have been a little callous but I bet he only said it out for concern. He just needs to work on his approach.

Originally Posted by catlover19

Well I didn't say "am I fat?" I just said I need a new pair of pants because I am getting too fat. I did not ask a question at all.

I really don't think I am that fat, I just have days when I do. Like when I put on my favourite pair of jeans and the button pops off, or last week when I got asked if I was pregnant.

I've been asked if I was pregnant too.

Bloating will have that effect.

Is it ever ok to call someone fat?

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