Is it ever ok to call someone fat?

strange_wings · Feb 9, 2008

Originally Posted by Ping

I prefer my husband be honest even if it hurts a bit. I don't wanna be pacified
by a lie.

I'm going to have to agree with you and GoldenKitty, too.

catlover19 - You loaded the situation. If he said "No, you look fine" you could have came back with the fact that you just popped the button off your pants, etc - and still turned it into a fight. It was a no win situation and if you don't like the way you look you shouldn't get upset with him over it. Besides, do you know if he's unhappy with the weight you've gained? Maybe he's upset over it, too. Though I do agree, sometimes a suggestion is better then stating the obvious... but all of us here with DH/SO's -etc know that sometimes they put their foot in their mouth, in fact everyone is guilty of it once and a while.

As for calling someone fat. It should only happen if you know the other person is comfortable with that - ie, can take it as a joke or not get upset over it, and never use it as a way to purposely hurt someone. I jokingly tell DH that he has a fat butt.

He doesn't, but his is larger than mine (not difficult to do, I don't have much of one).

To add to this. This is a very good example of how men and women communicate differently. You thought he was rude and he probably through you were too sensitive.

okiron · Feb 9, 2008

I have a bunch of friends who call themselves fat regardless of how many times me and everyone else tells them otherwise. I got sick of it. You're insecure and fishing for compliments. Now I agree with them. "Yes, you're fat you fatty!!" And go waaaaaay overboard so they know that I'm not serious, just sick of being fished for compliments. If you want a compliment ask for one, don't fish for one.

Edited to say : As for joking, I do it all the time to those I know wont take it seriously. I've found out it doesn't really bother me when people call me fat, even in spite.

luvmy2cats · Feb 9, 2008

Heck no. I know I've gotten big over the past year and joke about it but I don't like it when my DH or dad brings it up. I don't expect DH to lie and tell me I'm skinny though.

goldenkitty45 · Feb 9, 2008

Both DH and I need to lose about 20 lbs now - mostly in our tummies. We will admit we do and don't get upset if the other one says something about it.

If your bf came out and said (without you saying anything first) - "man you need to lose weight - your fat cause the button popped off"........that would be mean and uncalled for.

However, I feel you owe him a "I'm sorry" about the fight. And if you feel you need to lose some pounds, then ask him to help you do it. But those questions are a loaded one for a guy. And its really not fair to even go there.

swampwitch · Feb 9, 2008

I believe that your boyfriend should respect your feelings. If you say it is hurtful, he needs to stop saying it.

rosiemac · Feb 9, 2008

No it's wrong. Just because you said it doesn't give him the right to agree

My thoughts on it are if you know yourself you have a problem, then you don't need anyone reminding you of it

catkiki · Feb 9, 2008

I don't think it is ever ok to tell someone they are fat. He should of said that there was just "more of you to love"

I am overweight but losing a little bit at a time. It is bad when your size 18 pants are a bit too big but the size 16 is a bit too small... LOL I end up wearing the 18's and keep hiking them up.

okiron · Feb 9, 2008

So are you guys basically saying you want your SOs to lie to you or keep something from you?

I rather Errik be honest and opened with me. Sometimes I'm too busy with everyone else, I don't notice what I'm doing to myself.

rosiemac · Feb 9, 2008

Originally Posted by okiron

So are you guys basically saying you want your SOs to lie to you or keep something from you?

No, just to not tell me something i don't already know

blondrebel76 · Feb 9, 2008

i dont think its ever right to call anyone fat. i know i am fat, i dont need reminded by anyone. i see it when i look in the mirror, i feel it when i am too out of breath to move from doing something simple, i see it in people's eyes when they look at me. i hear it whispered behind my back in public, so i sure dont need reminded all the time, esp not by someone who is supposed to care about me. Roman used to have a HUGE problem with saying things to hurt me, on purpose, and i mean things i wouldnt say to my worst ememy. But after a bit of retraining he has learned better, or maybe changed his outlook on me, i dont know, but now if i say something about being fat he tells me im not.

my great grandmother used to tell me i was fat, and i mean all the time, she was a mean ol lady. When i was about 12 i went to her house and she made her usual comment about me being fat, she would say "well look at you, fat as ever and looking more like your father every day". I looked at her and said as sweet as i could, "but granny, mom says i look just like you, i take after your side of the family!" She NEVER said that to me again.

lunasmom · Feb 9, 2008

Originally Posted by Ping

Anything along the lines of fat, hair styles, clothes choices etc are loaded questions for men. Either they tell the truth and get blasted or lie and get blasted. Its a no win for them.

good point!

I recently was feeling down and felt "old" so I asked B if I was begining to show signs of aging. He immediately said that he refused to answer the question because either way he was going to get yelled at: either for being mean and "confirming" that I'm looking old or me nitpicking over my fine lines and nagging him to agree with me until he told me I look old and then yelling at him.

keep in mind, we don't know how he said the line to her. He could have been rolling his eyes and saying it sarcastically. I've been called a "cow" before...but that was done sarcastically, "Yes, Jenney, you are such a cow".

laureen227 · Feb 9, 2008

Originally Posted by novemberflowers

I have known a couple people who are morbidly obese and have come to terms with their size (one is heavily involved in a body image group who supports trying healthy new habits, but for health benefits only, not to lose weight)...they both said that they know they are fat and there's no reason for people to tiptoe around it.

i voted 'depends', & this is exactly why. i weighed over 300 pounds when i had my bypass surgery, & had been morbidly obese for years. i always referred to myself as 'fat', called the places i shopped 'the fat lady store', & so did my mother & sister. my grandmother didn't like it - she felt it was more 'polite' to say 'overweight' or some other type of euphemism. my mother & i both told her it was not a character flaw, just a physical description, like brown hair or blue eyes.
that said, i would never call another person fat unless i knew they felt about that word in the same way i do.

shopcat · Feb 9, 2008

Don't mean to hijack the thread, but if calling people fat is a no-no, then why is it okay to look at a thin person, a total stranger usually, with utter horror & ask loud enough for a crowd to hear, "oh my God, you're so skinny, don't you eat?"

catlover19 · Feb 9, 2008

Originally Posted by strange_wings

I'm going to have to agree with you and GoldenKitty, too.

catlover19 - You loaded the situation. If he said "No, you look fine" you could have came back with the fact that you just popped the button off your pants, etc - and still turned it into a fight. It was a no win situation and if you don't like the way you look you shouldn't get upset with him over it. Besides, do you know if he's unhappy with the weight you've gained? Maybe he's upset over it, too. Though I do agree, sometimes a suggestion is better then stating the obvious... but all of us here with DH/SO's -etc know that sometimes they put their foot in their mouth, in fact everyone is guilty of it once and a while.

I really don't know if he gaining weight has bothered him or not. He has put on more weight than I have though. I have gained about 50-60 since 2004, and he has gained about 100.

We both want to join a gym, we just have no extra money right now. Once we move, I will probably join one.

catlover19 · Feb 9, 2008

Originally Posted by SwampWitch

I believe that your boyfriend should respect your feelings. If you say it is hurtful, he needs to stop saying it.

Thats what I said. He eventually did apologize for hurting my feelings by saying it but not for calling me fat.

Originally Posted by Catkiki

I don't think it is ever ok to tell someone they are fat. He should of said that there was just "more of you to love"

I am overweight but losing a little bit at a time. It is bad when your size 18 pants are a bit too big but the size 16 is a bit too small... LOL I end up wearing the 18's and keep hiking them up.

I know that feeling. I wear between a 12 and a 14. The 12 is too tight but a 14 is too big.

Originally Posted by okiron

So are you guys basically saying you want your SOs to lie to you or keep something from you?

I rather Errik be honest and opened with me. Sometimes I'm too busy with everyone else, I don't notice what I'm doing to myself.

I don't want him to lie or keep something from me, I just wish that maybe he would be a bit nicer about it. He could have said it a little nicer than he did.

I am trying to lose weight. It is really hard when you don't have a car to get to the gym and live in the middle of nowhere. I rarely ever eat junk food (chips, chocolate, candy etc) and I don't eat fast food that much anymore. I used to eat it every day because I worked at Subway and it was free. I would make subs with more calories than McDonalds because it tasted good. I am trying to cut it out completely. I have gotten it down to about once a week.

strange_wings · Feb 9, 2008

Originally Posted by catlover19

I am trying to lose weight. It is really hard when you don't have a car to get to the gym and live in the middle of nowhere.

Can you bike? If you're outside of city/town limits you could get a mountain bike - just remember to use your feet for sudden stops on gravel and no fast turns. If you don't have a bike you could try saving up to get a nice one once the weather changes. Until then you can always bundle up and walk, make him walk with you so you're not alone.

Now I want to bike again... I wonder if I can.

lunasmom · Feb 9, 2008

Originally Posted by ShopCat

Don't mean to hijack the thread, but if calling people fat is a no-no, then why is it okay to look at a thin person, a total stranger usually, with utter horror & ask loud enough for a crowd to hear, "oh my God, you're so skinny, don't you eat?"

IMO it's not OK. Anorexia/Bulimia are a serious illnesses. They can kill you quicker than obesity.

catlover19 · Feb 9, 2008

Originally Posted by strange_wings

Can you bike? If you're outside of city/town limits you could get a mountain bike - just remember to use your feet for sudden stops on gravel and no fast turns. If you don't have a bike you could try saving up to get a nice one once the weather changes. Until then you can always bundle up and walk, make him walk with you so you're not alone.

Now I want to bike again... I wonder if I can.

I wont ride a bike because of a bad accident from when I was younger. I definitely can't walk. It would take me at least 6 hours to walk to town. I once walked to the corner store and it took 2Â½ hours. I don't like walking on these roads either because there is no sidewalk and tractors and stuff always going down here.

strange_wings · Feb 9, 2008

Originally Posted by catlover19

I wont ride a bike because of a bad accident from when I was younger. I definitely can't walk. It would take me at least 6 hours to walk to town.

You don't have to walk all the way into town. That would be quite a feat! There are no side walks where I live either - rural area. Same problem with tractors and farmers in their trucks, usually the farmers drive slow enough.
I've been tempted to hop the fence next to my backyard and go walk in the neighboring pasture - I just have to make sure to do that early enough in the day that I won't bump into the coyote pack that lives nearby.

How bad was the bike accident? I stopped riding when my vision started getting bad (before my parents would get me glasses) and because I had one to many close calls with idiots nearly running me over.

iluvdevons · Feb 9, 2008

No, it's not OK

Is it ever ok to call someone fat?

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