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Opinions please!!

post #1 of 29
Thread Starter 
I am sorry, but I just have to get some opinions here!! And I think it is ok to post it here and not in IMO.

So DH and I had a discussion on whether married people should be allowed to work at a bar....funny subject, but it is because I had a offer to work DAYS at a bar and he does not want me to take it.

So................he says NO way, that it is not a job for married people and I say yes as long as you do your job and you get paid for it~it is ok.

Am I wrong for thinking like that??
post #2 of 29
I don't see what difference it makes if you're married or single to work in a bar (or anywhere else).
post #3 of 29
What exactly are his objections on it? What will you be doing?
post #4 of 29
A normal bar? Sounds fine to me.
I could understand where he was coming from if it was a strip joint.
post #5 of 29
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by okiron View Post
What exactly are his objections on it? What will you be doing?
He just thinks that the drunks will make passes at me, and he don't like that idea. Umm just basically be a bartender, which is something I thought would always be fun. But I havent yet decided on whether I am going to take it....
post #6 of 29
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Arlyn View Post
A normal bar? Sounds fine to me.
I could understand where he was coming from if it was a strip joint.
Exactly!! I totally agree!!
post #7 of 29
Tell your husband that drunks are gonna make passes at you regardless of where you work. At least as a bartender you'll be making tons of money lol.
post #8 of 29
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by okiron View Post
Tell your husband that drunks are gonna make passes at you regardless of where you work. At least as a bartender you'll be making tons of money lol.
Yup! I agree....I worked at a convinient(sp?) store and there was always guys(and drunks) coming in and they flirt there just as well!!!
post #9 of 29
He needs to trust you not to reciprocate those drunken advances. I would just reassure him that you love him, and only him. remind him it's a public fascility and he can visit anytime
post #10 of 29
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Petstorejunkie View Post
He needs to trust you not to reciprocate those drunken advances. I would just reassure him that you love him, and only him. remind him it's a public fascility and he can visit anytime
Yes and he knows this The owners are very nice and caring people and they dont care if your spouse sits in there, as long as they dont stir up trouble!
post #11 of 29
Yep like everyone said here..it doesn't matter what you do for a living..if guys are going to flirt with you they will and he needs to trust you
post #12 of 29
You are right and he is wrong.
post #13 of 29
Hate to go against the rest of you all but,

I think it would end up being more trouble than it's worth.

He will be jealous, you will enjoy the attention and it will drive a wedge between you.

Sorry, my husband wouldn't want me to work in a bar either.
I agree, there's nothing good to come of it.
post #14 of 29
I wouldn't really see the problem with it.. but would it bother you if the tables were turned and your husband was working in that environment?
post #15 of 29
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by hurdyburdy View Post
I wouldn't really see the problem with it.. but would it bother you if the tables were turned and your husband was working in that environment?
I wouldnt mind, and he knows that
post #16 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by SwampWitch View Post
You are right and he is wrong.


I think I'll go with this answer too
post #17 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by pjk5900 View Post
Hate to go against the rest of you all but,

I think it would end up being more trouble than it's worth.

He will be jealous, you will enjoy the attention and it will drive a wedge between you.

Sorry, my husband wouldn't want me to work in a bar either.
I agree, there's nothing good to come of it.
So, it's that cut and dry huh? I'm fairly certain that (providing it wasn't an "adult lounge") that my husband could be secure in the fact that I love him and am married to him. He would NOT be jealous and I probably wouldn't enjoy any attention and we certainly would not let it drive a wedge between us. In fact, I can say with some confidence that the advances of a bar fly would be far from enjoyable for me.
post #18 of 29
I spent 19 years in the bar and restaurant business, much of it as a bartender. You will get hit on. Definately. Sure you get hit on at other places, but more so at a bar. Also, the men hitting on you will be drinking.

So, you are trustworthy and can handle being hit on. There isn't anything wrong with working in a bar. You are just doing your job........YOU are not responding ------- but it makes your husband uncomfortable.

Sometimes married people do/don't do things for each other. Sometimes it's not so much who is right. Sometimes being right is very important. Pick your battles. Only you know how important this one is.
post #19 of 29
I don't see anything wrong in working in a bar no matter who you are. It's just a way to make money and help in the household, it's not as if your working the streets.
post #20 of 29
Sounds as though your hubby is a tiny bit insecure in your relationship. If that is the case, then your working in a bar is going to bother him a lot so I think the decision you need to make is whether putting that sort of strain on his insecurity and your relationship is worth the extra money. Sometimes the money isn't that important IMO. Jobs come and go, hubbies (hopefully) stay.

I can somewhat relate in that my husband was a full-time musician during our first 5 years of marriage. It was difficult for me at times - not because I didn't trust him, but the groupies were unbelievable. I swear they would go out with Godzilla if he strapped on a musical instrument (not that my hubby looked anything like Godzilla - just the opposite in fact). I saw young women who apparently had no pride when it came to trying to hustle one of the band. There were times even when I was there in the same room and they knew who I was, they would try to grab him and kiss him. Just recently in fact, I went to see him play (he still plays with a band for fun and they do about a dozen gigs a year) and one woman (not so young), said to me, "Doesn't it make you hot seeing him up there?". I couldn't believe she said that. What an idiot.
post #21 of 29
While I agree that while there is nothing wrong with a married person working in a bar, if your husband has a major issue with it, and you either don't need the money enough that you have to work or can't get a job elsewhere if you do, I wouldn't do it just because it wouldn't be worth the headache.
post #22 of 29
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by icklemiss21 View Post
While I agree that while there is nothing wrong with a married person working in a bar, if your husband has a major issue with it, and you either don't need the money enough that you have to work or can't get a job elsewhere if you do, I wouldn't do it just because it wouldn't be worth the headache.
Yeah. I was going to do it as a second job.....and yes, we need the money. But I am leaning towards not doing it, to save the headache!
post #23 of 29
I would try and find something else first, if you can't talk to him again and suggest perhaps he is better qualified to get the second job and see if he changes his mind
post #24 of 29
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by icklemiss21 View Post
I would try and find something else first, if you can't talk to him again and suggest perhaps he is better qualified to get the second job and see if he changes his mind
He works 2 jobs now.....

I just want something to do because I have been staying home since my daughter was born(which I know theres nothing wrong with it) but I want to get out and work......
post #25 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by twstychik View Post
So, it's that cut and dry huh? I'm fairly certain that (providing it wasn't an "adult lounge") that my husband could be secure in the fact that I love him and am married to him. He would NOT be jealous and I probably wouldn't enjoy any attention and we certainly would not let it drive a wedge between us. In fact, I can say with some confidence that the advances of a bar fly would be far from enjoyable for me.
Didn't mean this as an attack on you, It was simply from my point of view.
Sorry if it was taken as anything more.
post #26 of 29
Think about this for a second. It's a bar during the DAY!!! How many drunks do you think will come in during the day?
post #27 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by Arlyn View Post
A normal bar? Sounds fine to me.
I could understand where he was coming from if it was a strip joint.


Guys make passes at the gals no matter where you work. Your husband needs to trust you.

~KK~
post #28 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by TigerOnTheProwl View Post
Think about this for a second. It's a bar during the DAY!!! How many drunks do you think will come in during the day?
They don't have to be drunks. Alcohol has a way of loosening people up. The "regulars" tend to become very familiar and friendly with their bartender. It could all be perfectly innocent, but if it makes her husband uncomfortable, I think his feelings should be considered.
post #29 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by TigerOnTheProwl View Post
Think about this for a second. It's a bar during the DAY!!! How many drunks do you think will come in during the day?
You would be very surprised how many drunks come into a bar during the day

In my teens, my dad owned a bar and I used to bus tables in school holidays, there would be people drunk when they showed up at opening time
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