QUESTION: inappropriate behavior

I don't know how to do the poll thing, but that's ok.

Has anyone ever had an experience where a professional service provider (doctor, lawyer, etc.) has acted well, inappropriately, with you? Right up to that line or perhaps stepping on it, or more?

I'm just curious, since there are a lot of questions here now about things like office romances, etc.

Originally Posted by AddieBee

I don't know how to do the poll thing, but that's ok.

Has anyone ever had an experience where a professional service provider (doctor, lawyer, etc.) has acted well, inappropriately, with you? Right up to that line or perhaps stepping on it, or more?

I'm just curious, since there are a lot of questions here now about things like office romances, etc.

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Yeap! I have. I had an employer step over the line a couple times and I ended up quitting. I reported it to the corporate office but they didn't do anything about it

I had a therapist push right up against that line so I changed counselors. He started out all cold and smug and arrogant. I told him off and put him in his place ... and then as weeks went by, he started, um, flirting with me. Making suggestive comments, mentioning what I was wearing and what would look good, etc. Creepy. Married guy. Yuck. I hightailed it out of there.

Do you work with them directly? Or you are a client and they are providing the service to you ? I want to make sure I understand the distinction.

If it is the latter, yes, I would classify some behavior as inappropriate, mainly a service person is working for me and flirts aggressively and/or hits on me directly while he is doing his job.

As far as a MD is concerned - I was molested by a gyn during a service while naked and in stirrups. If anyone is interested - I did try to pursue action against him - but the state board is not set up to truly be able to do anything.

Can you give us details? Sometimes our perception needs validation. If you are too uncomfortable to share, I understand.

Um...yes. Without going into too much detail on a public forum.....I wheeled around, smacked him in the face with my soapy wet hands (from scrubbing for surgery) and told him, "Don't you EVER touch me again!" I found out later that I wasn't the only woman who had been fondled inappropriately, while scrubbing at the scrub sinks, by this particular individual. Unfortunately, he still has privileges there. At least he seems to have cleaned up his act.

Originally Posted by CDubbie

Do you work with them directly? Or you are a client and they are providing the service to you ? I want to make sure I understand the distinction.

If it is the latter, yes, I would classify some behavior as inappropriate, mainly a service person is working for me and flirts aggressively and/or hits on me directly while he is doing his job.

As far as a MD is concerned - I was molested by a gyn during a service while naked and in stirrups. If anyone is interested - I did try to pursue action against him - but the state board is not set up to truly be able to do anything.

Can you give us details? Sometimes our perception needs validation. If you are too uncomfortable to share, I understand.

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It was a long time ago - about ten years. He didn't do any inappropriate touching, but he was doing a low-key come-on, not just harmless flirting. If it made me uncomfortable then I needed to change therapists.

Originally Posted by Pookie-poo

Um...yes. Without going into too much detail on a public forum.....I wheeled around, smacked him in the face with my soapy wet hands (from scrubbing for surgery) and told him, "Don't you EVER touch me again!" I found out later that I wasn't the only woman who had been fondled inappropriately, while scrubbing at the scrub sinks, by this particular individual. Unfortunately, he still has privileges there. At least he seems to have cleaned up his act.

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Good for you!!! I had an exec type in the TV broadcasting business pull a stunt on me - probably similar to what you experienced. He was a big-wig. He had been flirting with me shamlesslly- yes, married with a kid. I played dumb. He caught me in a fairly untraveled area - records, where I was looking something up and grabbed my a$$! I was so humiliated and angry that I needed 24 hours to cool off. Then I had a little um, "chat" with him about respect and boundaries and if he ever did that again I would report him.

OMG, if someone ever grabbed my bum, I would smack them so hard.

I am not going into details either..but this has happened to me..the over the line thing from an authority figure who...*ahem* signs my paychecks.

Originally Posted by AddieBee

It was a long time ago - about ten years. He didn't do any inappropriate touching, but he was doing a low-key come-on, not just harmless flirting. If it made me uncomfortable then I needed to change therapists.

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by all means - if you were uncomfortable for any reason - you should change therapists. I'm glad you did.

I know this isn't quite the same thing, but has anyone ever had a customer act inappropriately? Several times as I was working at an outdoor concert venue I had guests attempt to grope me- usually drunken 50-something men. Recently I had a table I was waiting on give me their phone number (a husband and wife). Creepy! I hate it when you have to be nice to someone, because it's your job, and they take it as a sexual invitation!

I did have a manager once who kept asking me out (I was a senior in high school and 18). He was probably 23 and kept referring to himself as doctor love. He didn't scare me so much as he grossed me out. He was fired to constantly hitting on me and another girl.

That's fine esrgirl. I have never had a customer or a client do that, but I can see where that could occur. Mostly it's guys in positions of trust or authority who try to capitalize on that position for some, um, personal satisfaction.

I was harassed at the hotel i use to work the front desk for. I wrote a detailed 15 (yes 15!) page letter to the corporate office with witness statements from multiple employees who attached personal letters with accounts of what our boss had done. I listed EVERYTHING and i even got witness statements from several guests who saw the inappropriate behavior as well. I still have a copy of that letter- it was a beautiful piece of artwork I also pointed out that they could check the video camera footage if they needed more evidence

Needless to say that sucker got fired! AND i found a better job so when i went to turn in my notice- i printed off the lyrics to "Take this Job and Shove it" and gave it to them. I had delt with MORE than my fair share It felt great to do that (probably not the best move for everyone- but totally appropriate for that situation!)

This didn't happen to me and it has nothing to do with touching, it's the way the idiot acted behind someones back that got me ticked off.

Several years ago my Sister had a Chiropractor appointment in another town.
She called and asked me if I wanted to go with her and then we'd do some window shopping and go out for dinner.
It sounded good to me so I went with her.

She was called into one of the treatment rooms so I'm sitting there looking at a magazine.
I looked up just in time to see another Woman exiting one of the treatment rooms...this Woman was rather large...as she was coming out the "Dr." if you can call the IDIOT that...came out behind her.
He was sort of standing around the corner and me and the guy sitting beside me were the only two besides the receptionist that could see him.

He looked at the receptionist puffed his cheeks out, held his arms out at his sides and kind of wobbled back and forth
I saw red...how dare he make fun of someones size.
I looked at the guy next to me, he rolled his eyes and said "That's the ruddest thing I've ever seen."
He got up , went to the desk and said in a very loud voice "I want to cancel my appointment, and I want my records I'm NEVER coming back here."
The Woman stopped dead in her tracks...I guess she was startled by his outburst.
He then told her what the Dr. did.
That poor thing was just horrified and walked out without paying

The guy then went up to everyone else in the waiting room and told them what we'd seen...some left, some didn't.
When my Sister came out I told her what had happened...needless to say she didn't make another appointment like the Dr. wanted her to.

It was probably 6 or 7 months later he closed his office there....I'm not sure where he went but I hope he's not doing to other people what he did to that poor Lady.

I never felt so bad for anyone in my whole life...and believe me, my Sister and I told everyone we know what he did.

I've been teased about my size all my life, but for the opposite reason.
I'm 5 feet 94 pounds....and I know how much it hurts.
I just wanted to hug that poor Woman and kick the Dr. in the "little boy parts"

I'll speak for Canadian doctors only, but I assume its the same for other professionals upnorth as well.

We have strict rules in the Deonthology code that covers anything from sexual relationships with patients to fraternizing with staff and so on. If you feel your doctor violated any of those, you can deposit an official complaint at the Medical board of your state/province and it will be looked into, very seriously.

Thanks, Tigerlord. I come from a medical family so I do understand. I also know the medical review board here is not very effective.