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No affection and little contact

post #1 of 8
Thread Starter 
I wanted to post this on here to ask if there is anything we can do to improve the relationship with our cat.

Our boy cat Sezer is 2 and a half years old.
He's never been a cat that will come to you for strokes or cuddles.
If i pick him up after a couple of seconds he meows and struggles to be down.
The only time i get to stroke and tickle him is when he is half asleep and when i do he purrs and seems to like it.
Generally he spends a lot of time outside and comes in when dark. After eating and preening he disappears to his hammock. He does purr and comes to us when we come home to let him in, but that lasts about 5 seconds.
Id love him to sit on my knee and to stroke and tickle him.
We still love him to bits but wondered if there was anything we could do to persuade him to be closer to us, allow us to pick him up, persuade him to sit on our lap or generally give some affection back.
post #2 of 8
I love the pic of your kitty in your signature line!

With cats, it's usually just an issue of personality. Also, we've found that with time, "aloof" kitties sometimes do come to enjoy pets and cuddles more. At five years old, Shelly now loves to be petted, and Lazlo and Tuxedo come around more often. At four - although ours are indoor-only - Flowerbelle is just like your Sezer. Get her when she's sleepy in her hammock/basket and she enjoys being petted.

As to the picking up? None of ours like being held. That said, we work on it. We pick them up every day - we started for a few seconds (like 5). We try to put them down before they start to struggle. I can now hold and pet Shelly for about 2 minutes before he wants down. Flowerbelle does like to be carried around - but not snuggly - just to be shown things like the top of the fridge, kitchen cabinet shelves she can't get into, book shelves she doesn't get to on her own, the cobweb in the corner we didn't get when we dusted.....

Maybe others have ideas for how to turn a kitty into a lap cat - but I don't know any. All our cats live life on their own terms!

post #3 of 8
I agree it is Sezer's personality. My Joji who is more than 10 years old has been like Sezer since the beginning. Now that she is getting old, she's been less aloof, looking forward to my companionship. I guess patience and acceptance will be rewarded in time.
post #4 of 8
I know with my Princess it took about 7 months before she would let me pet her. What I learned from helpful people here is don't force yourself on them. They have to decide when they will let you in. Princess still won't let my daughter pet her, but she can't resist the urge to pet her and tries to force herself on Princess and that just doesn't work. I know it's hard but it's best to just let them be until they decide! Aileen
post #5 of 8
My Lucy Belle is hand raised and is extremely close to me. But with my BF, it's another different story. She will allow him to pick her up, only if he moves around the house and do a little dancing. I know it sounds a little silly. But if he stays still, she would really struggle to be let go. So, what he does is whenever he pick up Lucy Belle, he'll go around the house, hoping a little, swaying them hips and she'll be fine.

You just can't force a kitty to be affectionate. It really depends on their personality, And yours being an outdoor kitty, might make it a little harder to form a closer bond. AFAIK, outdoor cats are rarely LAP cats.
post #6 of 8
Thread Starter 
thanks for your comments

i agree, its mainly down to personality

i wouldnt say he's an outdoor cat, he does spend a lot of time outdoors but is in all night from when it gets dark until we let him out again

we only started letting him out when he was 1 year old

i chuckled about the comments when you show Flowerbelle the top of fridges and cabinets as i do this with Sezer too, if i pick him up straight away he moans but if i lift him high and he can see places he cant reach he's fascinated

he also has a snuggly wool rug which he purrs and nuzzles into
on the odd rare occassion i can put this on my knee and he'll venture on, suckle into the rug and settle on it, but it only last 5 minutes and hes off again

he'll play with a shoelace all night with me, but no cuddles for Daddy
post #7 of 8
Originally Posted by tutti_bella View Post
outdoor cats are rarely LAP cats.
All my 11 cats are outdoor, 6 were adopted as adults. They all are lap cats although in different degrees. It's really mostly about personality with bit of environmental influences.
post #8 of 8
My cat is almost 2 and has gotten much more affectionate since we first got him (at 4 months). For the first year, he wouldn't even sit on the couch, let alone on me. I don't necessarily agree with letting him come to you. I think a cat learns to be too independent if no one tries to make friends with him. Give him treats and while he is eating them, give him strokes. Make him associate you with good things.

I think cats to change as they age. Could the fact that he goes outside maybe make him more aloof?
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