I Am Just So Distraught!!

kittkatt

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I just found out a few days ago that my son & his wife are getting a divorce
(which is part of why I haven't been online at TCS recently). The reason being is b/c he found out that she's been cheating on him.
I'm just soooo upset over this!
Not only b/c I'm hurting over my son hurting and having to go through this (and I'm 1200 miles away and can't "be there" for him), but also b/c I'm worried about what kind of an effect this will have on my precious granddaughter.
Who knows what kind of a guy the DIL has been cheating with, and how he'll treat Harmony (my granddaughter): this worries me most of all..


I can't believe that she would cheat on him!
He works 12 hour days, 4-6 days a week, is a good provider, husband, & father - and she says it's HIS fault that she's "miserable & unhappy" b/c he's "never home for her".


I am just so upset & worried for the two of them, and don't know what to do.
I wish I could just hop on a plane and be there for them, and hold them and assure them that they'll be all right..


~KK~
 

beck4582

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That happened to my husband with his first wife (except they didn't have a child), and I've known a lot of people who have been in this situation. I am so sorry!! I will pray that things will be okay for Harmony and your son.
 

zao_cat

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Oh, I'm so sorry. It doesn't sound like it's his fault at all. Some people are just stupid and don't care about anyone else but themselves.
Sending you some good vibes so that everythings works out.
 

tara g

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Sorry to hear that He is trying to provide for her and your granddaughter, and she is taking all of that as a bad thing, and treating him horribly in return. Hopefully it works out for the best...
 

theimp98

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Originally Posted by KittKatt

I can't believe that she would cheat on him!
He works 12 hour days, 4-6 days a week, is a good provider, husband, & father - and she says it's HIS fault that she's "miserable & unhappy" b/c he's "never home for her".
Yea, i hear alot of stories like that. the next guy she breaks up with , will cause he does not take care of her,and never has any money.

lol i had a few breakup over the same type of stuff.

Some people are never going to happy, until they see the only person that can make you happy is yourself
 

kelicat

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I am so sorry.....

My DH went through a nearly identical divorce. All I can say, is stay positive, it all works out in the end. My DH is happily married now and the kids are in good hands with us.

Best wishes through this hard time...
 
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kittkatt

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Originally Posted by zao_cat

Some people are just stupid and don't care about anyone else but themselves.
Yes, that's how I see it, too. She always has been a "selfish" person, and has a lot of growing up to do. This isn't the first time she's done something like this, and I was hoping that the last time they got back together she had finally realized she was sacrificing a good thing by her selfishness. I'm not saying that my son's perfect and doesn't have his faults too, but he's a good-hearted person who is responsible and provides for his family, and has made plenty of sacrifices to keep them happy & well. It just blows me away that she could risk giving up such a good husband & father to their baby. He would do anything for them..
I just don't get it..


~KK~
 
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kittkatt

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Originally Posted by theimp98

Yea, i hear alot of stories like that. the next guy she breaks up with , will cause he does not take care of her,and never has any money.
I see the same type of scenerio occurring myself. She already has done something like this previosly: she broke up with my son, and then went whining back to him about how badly the next guy treated her, and my son took her back. I had my reservations about them getting back together back then, but my son was convinced that she had "grown up" and wouldn't do that to him again. I guess he figured that after she had the baby, she would be more responsible..


He says that this time he will not take her back if she tries to come back. But knowing him the way I do, he probably will, b/c she has the one thing that he loves more than anything in this world - his daughter. And it's not beneath her to dangle her in front of his nose..




Some people are never going to happy, until they see the only person that can make you happy is yourself


Truer words were never spoken...

You're a wise man, Imp!


peeps for your kind words & support.
We really need it right now..


~KK~
 

jennyr

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I am so sorry you are going through this - my brother is also going through it and it is hard on the whole family, not least my young nieces. But it sounds as if maybe some counselling might help - your son and his wife do not have the right balance in their lives between work and family. But I do hope it all works out for the best, whatever the end result.
 

lillekat

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This is a similar situation to the one my parents were in - my father worked about 12 hours a day 7 days a week, and he was the one that cheated. My mother was absolutely miserable because she was always home to take care of myself and my little brother and they had no quality time together at all. When there was the opportunity for time together, there was always something else that had to be taken care of. I can understand why your DIL would be feeling miserable and lonely - it is heartbreaking at times to get up alone, spend the day alone and then not really see your husband/partner for long in the evening because they're so tired.

But that is absolutely NO reason to treat your son the way she has. She should have told him how she was feeling, rather than just "wander". Counselling would have been - could still be - an option. For the whole family. Your granddaughter is going to need someone strong right now.

I'm so sorry the family is going through this and i really hope things all work out for the best, however that may be.
 

lunasmom

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That's really too bad that your son is going through this.

Hopefully your granddaughter is old enough to realize what mommy did to daddy. In several cases, the children grow up thankful that their parents got a divorce rather than staying together. I couldn't imagne her growing up with her mom complaining how her father's never around and doesn't care about them
 
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kittkatt

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Originally Posted by LilleKat

I can understand why your DIL would be feeling miserable and lonely - it is heartbreaking at times to get up alone, spend the day alone and then not really see your husband/partner for long in the evening because they're so tired.
Yes, I can certainly understand how she's feeling to some degree, b/c my s/o is at work a lot and I'm "alone" a lot of the time. But I would think that she'd appreciate the fact that he's responsible and trying to take care of his family, instead of him being some lazy deadbeat who sits home all day long drinking beer and watching TV. I think she's kind of "co-dependent" myself, and needs to find a life of her own and not rely on him so much to provide "entertainment". It's not like he's never there for her at all: he spends as much time as he possibly can with her and the baby, and takes them on vacations as often as he can. And she also works herself, so she should understand his side of things a little more, b/c she's also tired and needs her rest too on her days off...

He's tried "compromising" with her regarding the circumstances, but I think she just expects too much from him. Maybe her "new guy" will be more of what she wants..


Thanks peeps for your advice & support. I really am upset over this, and appreciate having peeps to talk to..


~KK~
 

theimp98

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you know, i kinda had a rule when dating.
If the person i was dating , made comments about how she could not stand being alone, Or always had to have people around her.

i would break up with them. It not my job to keep someone amused.
 
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kittkatt

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Originally Posted by theimp98

you know, i kinda had a rule when dating.
If the person i was dating , made comments about how she could not stand being alone, Or always had to have people around her.

i would break up with them. It not my job to keep someone amused.
Yes, a comment like that is definately a big red flag!
Hopefully my son has learned something from the experience..


My ex-husband was "needy" & "clingy" too: needless to say, that relationship didn't last very long. As you say, Imp, it's not our job to keep someone amused.


~KK~
 

lillekat

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Originally Posted by KittKatt

He's tried "compromising" with her regarding the circumstances, but I think she just expects too much from him. Maybe her "new guy" will be more of what she wants..


~KK~
If this is the case, it's quite possible that even she doesn't know what she wants. Whatever the case, it's good to know that you can always come and share the heartache with others and get the weight off your shoulders for a little bit.
Keep your chin up!
 
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kittkatt

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Originally Posted by LilleKat

If this is the case, it's quite possible that even she doesn't know what she wants. Whatever the case, it's good to know that you can always come and share the heartache with others and get the weight off your shoulders for a little bit.
Keep your chin up!
In my own opinion, I don't think she does know what she wants.
She complained about her previous boyfriend (who she had been with after breaking up with my son the first time) saying that he was lazy, wouldn't work, and was "mean" to her. So her & my son get back together, get married and all, and now she's complaining that my son works TOO much! HUH?!


IMO, I think she has a lot of growing up to do. She can't have her cake and eat it, too..


My main concern is the effect this is going to have on my granddaughter: I fear that the new b/f may possibly harm her - maybe not physically, but possibly verbally, emotionally, and mentally.
God help him if he does..


Yes, it does help to be able to vent & share. I appreciate everyone's advice & concern.


~KK~
 
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