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What do I do??

post #1 of 15
Thread Starter 
Its been over 3 months since Zorro died and I'm still just so angry at everyone and everything. I don't know what to do anymore. I've never felt so angry in my life. I'm on the verge of losing my boyfriend because I'm always getting mad at him and yelling at him. I don't know what to do anymore. Almost everything that makes me angry has nothing to do with Zorro, so I don't know why I can't control my anger. I get mad at the cats when they're not even doing anything, and sometimes I feel like I just plain hate them, even though I know that I don't.
I don't know whats wrong with me. How do I stop feeling like this. I need your guy's help because I really don't know what to do anymore.
post #2 of 15
Is there someone you can talk to? A counselor or a support group that has had a similar experience? That's all I can think of for now. It might help to be around people who have shared a similar experience.
post #3 of 15
Has anything else changed in the last 3 months? Birth control, medications, jobs, etc? Often times what we think we're associating as the "anger" has nothing to do with why we're really angry...even more, we don't realize this unknown anger.

Also are you on birth control (the pill) and on the same one for a long time? I was talking with my (new) doctor about how a week before I get my monthly friend I get really, really irritated, angry and pick fights with people. She was telling me that as we get older our hormones are still changing and the same BC pill that always worked before doesn't work forever.

If that's not the case, then perhaps you need some one-on-one counseling with a therapist. they can help you get to the root of the issue and work up from there, especially if this is something that is effecting your relationship.
post #4 of 15
We all experience death in our lives. We all lose pets and family and friends. And we all grieve the loss. There are specific stage

* Denial (this isn't happening to me!)
* Anger (why is this happening to me?)
* Bargaining (I promise I'll be a better person if...)
* Depression (I don't care anymore)
* Acceptance (I'm ready for whatever comes)

However, it seems to me that you are stuck in the anger/depression stages and not able to move on.

Perhaps you should speak to a social worker at your local hospital or a clergy person at your church about getting some grief counselling.

Making an appointment with your doctor to get onto some anti-depressants wouldn't be a bad idea either. It's not uncommon to develop a depression over the death of a loved one.

Taking anti-depressants is no big deal. Many people, including myself take them daily.

Once you get some counselling and get on some anti-depressants I think you will start feel a whole lot better.
post #5 of 15
Thread Starter 
Nothing at all has changed in the past few months. I havn't been working since June07. I'm not on any medication right now, but I do have a doctors appointment tomorrow and I'm going to ask her about getting something to help with my anger and depression.
I don't really have anyone that I can talk to. My boyfriend won't talk about it because it makes him upset. The only one that I used to talk to when I was upset was Zorro. He used to always make me feel better. I don't know what else would be making me so angry.
Today I was moving my fish tank, and I got so upset because the extension cord wasn't long enough(even though we have tons of them) that I started yelling and then broke down crying for a half hour. I don't even feel like myself anymore. I'd expect things to get better with time, but it just keeps getting worse and I miss him more and more each day, and it gets harder as time goes by.
post #6 of 15
I would certainly talk to your doctor about all the problems you have been having. It could very well be a hormonal imbalance, depression or even the symptoms of a health issue. At least then you will be working with your doctor and won't feel so alone.

It's a positive step
post #7 of 15
Not working can be a major issue -even if it's a decision that you've made. Also, the anger and depression could be a combination of grief & hormones, etc. I'm glad that you're getting medical treatment soon. I was on Cymbalta for a year, for pain management for my bulging discs, a very low dose, but it really helped me with depression that I didn't even realize that I had!!!
And you can always talk to your TCS family - cat lovers are the most compassionate people that I've ever met We can disagree in the IMO forum, and totally support each other in the SOS & Crossing the Bridge forums! I Love TCS
Please keep us updated on how you're doing. Susan
post #8 of 15
Thread Starter 
Thank you all so much. Its just been so hard losing Zorro and i just feel so lost. I'm so angry that he didn't get to really live. He never had the chance to be a kitten, and he'll never get the chance to be a cat. Every time I look at our other two cats, I'm so angry at them because they are healthy and happy. I feel like its somehow their fault, when I know that really it was no ones fault that he was the way he was.
post #9 of 15
Originally Posted by gothicangel69 View Post
Thank you all so much. Its just been so hard losing Zorro and i just feel so lost. I'm so angry that he didn't get to really live. He never had the chance to be a kitten, and he'll never get the chance to be a cat. Every time I look at our other two cats, I'm so angry at them because they are healthy and happy. I feel like its somehow their fault, when I know that really it was no ones fault that he was the way he was.
Remember to forgive yourself for those thoughts - when my oldest brother (wonderful family man, hard worker, all around great guy) was killed by a drunk driver, I remember crying, "Oh, why wasn't it my 2nd brother?!" which was very naughty, but my 2nd one was a druggie, abusive, shiftless. the guilt still gets me some time, and now that he's often homeless, I mistakenly blame myself that he's gotten worse cuz i thought such mean thoughts. It's not rational, but then, who knows the affairs of the heart??
It sounds to me that when you lost Zorro, you lost a soul mate. When I lost my Miss Tobie, I was devastated; I didn't even want to risk loving another cat & was scared to get close to my remaining kitties. At that same time, my grandson's father got custody back & they moved almost 400 miles away. I was angry & grieving... I got Joey & JC only because my disabled daughter spent her two years' savings (she was saving for a big CD player) on those kittens just to try to cheer me up. My mind told my heart to open up, for her sake, because of her sacrifice - and LO! Joey is also my "sphinx kitty" who knows my moods, cares for me in that unusually close way - it was then that I began to agree with my ancestors' belief that "those yet to be born" are over RB with "those who have lived and passed on" because Joey understands me just like Miss Tobie did, it's as if she coached him on what I need in a cat
post #10 of 15
Thread Starter 
I know that Boo understands me. He knows that I'm upset and he tries everything to make me feel better. I love him alot, and i know that eventually, I'll feel almost the same way about him as I do about Zorro, but right now Boo just reminds me of what Zorro would have been like if he had had the chance to be a kitten. He would have loved to be able to run and jump and play like a regular kitten.
post #11 of 15
take one pillow, one base ball bat, one basement,
and beat the heck out of the pillow Go for run, go to the gym lift some weights. go swimming. talk to the fish.

i am not joking, take the anger and burn it off, it may very well help , at least it does for me
post #12 of 15
You should defiantly talk to you Doctor. I had a similar problem a couple of years ago. I would just get so angry at someone for no reason at all. It turned out to be a hormonal imbalance for me. I was irritable all the time, but the week before and week of Aunt Flow's visit I was just a monster to live with. I took anti-depressants for two weeks out of every month until everything leveed off. Now I don't need them anymore. I do know how you feel. It felt like I was trapped inside my head trying to make me stop hurting the people that I love. It is a horrible feeling! I hope that you will be able to feel better soon. Sometimes what you need is that good cry. Talk to your doctor and maybe a counselor or pastor. Things can get better! and everyone here will be here to support and help you through this!
post #13 of 15
Thread Starter 
I'm definatly going to talk to my doctor about getting something for my anger. I just want to make all my feelings go away for a while until I know how to deal with them. Its too bad that they can't actually do that.
The baseball bat and pillow idea sounded nice though. I usually just take a pillow and start hitting things with it. My boyfriend starts laughing sometimes because I'll grab a pillow and start hitting him with it and he'll start to scream, "Oh no! I'm being attacked by fluff", which of course makes me start laughing and then I'm not angry anymore.
Hopefully this doctors visit will help.
post #14 of 15
That sounds so much like me a few years ago. I had a big relationship problem that I thought I had handled, but a few months later I started breaking down really badly. I would have to leave work at least once a day and go into my car to cry. About really stupid things. I finally went to the doctor when I started feeling suicidal. I got an antidepressant and it helped SO much. Apparently when you have a really bad emotional experience it can actually change the chemistry of your brain. So the antidepressant helps even that out.

Let us know how the doctor's visit goes. I lost a kitten too, and I know it's really, really hard. hugs....
post #15 of 15
Aaaaw hun, I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time

Grieving is hard enough, but it sounds like you're frustrated as well. I suspect you're frustrated that you're still grieving after three months, but you're also frustrated because you've got these mood swings.

Can I just plesse suggest though that you stay away from the medication until you've had a shot at talking to a therapist? They always sound like a "quick fix" to a situation - I firmly believe that talking it out will help to relieve some of the tension and if you still feel you need that extra boost after talking, then go ahead. Try taking some St Johns Wort - it's a herbal antidepressant and it might offer a little pick-me-up withough filling your body full of chemicals.

Just something that I find helps sometimes:

1. When things go wrong, put it all down and walk away for a couple of minutes. Go and make a cup of coffee or tea and just sit down and breathe deep.

2. If you find yourself in a situation - no matter what it is - that is difficult for you and your boyfriend may be in a potential firing line, let him know that you're feeling a bit edgy and then close your eyes and count until you feel a little calmer.

The last one is this and it works a charm every time.

Sit down and breathe deeply. Picture yourself on a beach at dawn. The sun is just starting to rise and the sky is pink and cool and fresh. The breeze is blowing in the palms behind you, there are birds cheeping in the distance. The silver sand feels silky against you as you sit, the water is mirror calm and crystal clear. You can see in perfect detail the face of the person who has annoyed you today, just under the surface of the water as you hold it there. Feeling better yet?

Ok, I'm sorry that last one wasn't really helpful, but they do say that a little laughter helps.

It'll get better sweetie.
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