First: YAY!!!!!! I FINALLY got to go and see him. I am soooooo happy that after these past couple of weeks, it seemed like the proper time to go. I called today and explained that I would be going but, I'd go by myself because hubby has a cold as do both the boys.
When I got there, I was surprised to notice how much he had changed over the past little while. He is all skin and bones and, it was heartbreaking to see that. But I said nothing....
We talked for a short time, he actually has decided to do the Chemotherapy. He said he knows it will not cure him. The doctor has told him that there is no hope of that but....he was told that by doing the treatment, it may help him cope with everything and it will make his final months as comfortable as possible. He is going to have a mild treatment. Apparently the side effects are not as bad as we think. He seems very happy with this decision so...I am too. After about 10 minutes, he said did not feel good at all. He took his blood pressure. It was 124/56. He said it was not good. And then, he went to bed.
Grandma and I talked for some time. She knows he will not survive and she is as prepared as can be expected. All she says is that they have led a nice, long life and that it's time. I almost cried when she said that but, I didn't. Then, we talked about what she would do after. She really loves her new appartment and wants to stay where she is. She has neighbors checking in on her all the time and she loves it there. She says she does not think she could afford it all alone so....I piped up and told her that she would be staying there as long as she wants. I would make sure she can. I guess, when (because it is not 'if') grandpa goes, I will go over there, figure out what she can afford and have told hubby that we will chip in to make sure she does not have to move. This was the one time in my life I said something before talking to hubby. And....when i told him,he immediately said the same as me. It made me realise once again why I love him so much! I just couldn't bear to think that this is a worry on grandma's mind right now. She needs to feel safe, secure and as comfortable as can be. That's where she wants to be, that's where she'll stay. Of course....my door is always open for her but she wants do do her own thing as long as she can.
I feel better having seen them both. But, I looked into their eyes several times today and couldn't help but wonder if that would be my last time doing that for either one and that...was scary.
When I got there, I was surprised to notice how much he had changed over the past little while. He is all skin and bones and, it was heartbreaking to see that. But I said nothing....
We talked for a short time, he actually has decided to do the Chemotherapy. He said he knows it will not cure him. The doctor has told him that there is no hope of that but....he was told that by doing the treatment, it may help him cope with everything and it will make his final months as comfortable as possible. He is going to have a mild treatment. Apparently the side effects are not as bad as we think. He seems very happy with this decision so...I am too. After about 10 minutes, he said did not feel good at all. He took his blood pressure. It was 124/56. He said it was not good. And then, he went to bed.
Grandma and I talked for some time. She knows he will not survive and she is as prepared as can be expected. All she says is that they have led a nice, long life and that it's time. I almost cried when she said that but, I didn't. Then, we talked about what she would do after. She really loves her new appartment and wants to stay where she is. She has neighbors checking in on her all the time and she loves it there. She says she does not think she could afford it all alone so....I piped up and told her that she would be staying there as long as she wants. I would make sure she can. I guess, when (because it is not 'if') grandpa goes, I will go over there, figure out what she can afford and have told hubby that we will chip in to make sure she does not have to move. This was the one time in my life I said something before talking to hubby. And....when i told him,he immediately said the same as me. It made me realise once again why I love him so much! I just couldn't bear to think that this is a worry on grandma's mind right now. She needs to feel safe, secure and as comfortable as can be. That's where she wants to be, that's where she'll stay. Of course....my door is always open for her but she wants do do her own thing as long as she can.
I feel better having seen them both. But, I looked into their eyes several times today and couldn't help but wonder if that would be my last time doing that for either one and that...was scary.