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My dear Gris passed away 36 hrs ago

post #1 of 23
Thread Starter 
I just cannot cope with this pain, i cant stop thinking what i did wrong?? i ran to doctors, i still dont know what was the fatal thing, could have been aids, leucemia or kidney failure, it does not matter anymore, it all started as a bad bad nightmare on christmas eve, when we fixed a urinary blockage. now that he is not here with me, maybe it was my fault by doing something wrong or maybe the rural vet administrating wrong medicine. he suffered because i did not wanted to let him go, i rushed him to the hospital and we gave him oxygen and the vets there tried to bring him back but they could not. we burried him yesterday and is just too hard. I try to sleep and the time that i lie there i just think of who to blame i see his pictures and just want to hit myself for not being able to save him.

Is he mad at me? did i make him suffer a lot just to avoid me being in the pain of loosing him? I cant stop thinking about him. he was ok and then everything went wrong in every possible way.

What do you do when you pain so much? how do you take off your mind all the bad thoughts and how can i stop blaming myself.

Please please give me a word of advice.
post #2 of 23
Please forgive yourself. You did everything you could to help your darling one. You were there with him until the end. Sometimes we won't ever know why our loved ones were taken from us, but it was their time. I fought for months to find out why my Petunia was losing weight. When she stopped eating, I forced food into her. But there was the time when I had to let her go, out of her suffering.

He is over the Bridge now and out of pain. He loves you and knows you did what you could. It was his time to go.
post #3 of 23
I'm so sorry for your loss. You can't beat yourself up over what is past. You did what you could for him.

It may sound trite so soon after your loss, but time will ease your pain. Remember the good times with him.

Best wishes in this difficult time.
post #4 of 23
Thread Starter 
Thanks for your comforting i try and try and then i see all his pictures and and start crying again. i think is better to close the computer for a few days.
post #5 of 23
I'm so sorry for your loss.
post #6 of 23
I am so sorry for your loss. I wish I had something I could say to make you feel better. Just know you did what you could and try to let that comfort you. I know it is easier said than done, but someday you will be able to accept it.
post #7 of 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by ronit View Post
Thanks for your comforting i try and try and then i see all his pictures and and start crying again. i think is better to close the computer for a few days.
Many people do just this.

You tried so hard to help your kitty. Unfortunately, you live in a place where you don't have access to a super-knowledgeable pet vet, and your vet is very far away.

I'm sure he knows how hard you tried to make him happy and comfortable. He was very loved, and I'm sure he's doing his best to send you comforting vibes from where he is now - a place where he is pain free and, I'm sure, because he was so loved by you, happily playing and thinking of his meowmy.



Laurie
post #8 of 23
When my cat died in October, for weeks after I went over and over, should I have done this/not done that? I've seen other people do it on this board, too. I think it's very normal but I know how hard it is. If it helps at all, now a few months later, I think the decisions I made at the time were okay and maybe even the best ones for him. I still miss him terribly, but I don't really second guess the final week any more.

Your grief is brand-new and you are being bombarded with it. The self-doubt is, I think, a natural part of it but if you can cut yourself some slack there, please do. I think because we love them so much, we want to give them "perfect deaths" and that's almost impossible because we don't know it's final until it is.

I think grief is one of those things that only time can help. Three months ago, I wouldn't have believed the grief would get gentler, but it does. I still miss him all day, every day, but it's no longer like being in the middle of a tornado.
post #9 of 23
Try and not think too much about "if only", just know that your little boy is happy and healthy again over at the bridge and he'll be waiting for you when the time is right

__________________________________________
post #10 of 23
RIP Gris.
post #11 of 23
You can drive yourself crazy playing the "what if" game. I did when I lost my Alley last year.

Eventually you will come to accept what happened, even if you don't understand it.

Just know that your sweet baby is at peace now, and will always be in your heart.

post #12 of 23
I did that same thing with Glitch and I still do everyday! You can't beat yourself up, because it doesn't make anything better, Trust me on that one!! He is probably looking down right now, worried about you!! You did all you could for him, and thats all anyone can do!! It sounds like you made all the right decisions, so try not to beat yourself up!!

I still have pictures on my computer of Glitch too, so I understand the closing the computer for a few days! I really enjoy seeing them though.

I was BLESSED to even know him!! You were blessed also. Think of the good times that you shared, when he cuddled up, played with a toy, got into something he wasn't suppose to or just plain made you laugh!! Look at the pictures, its hard, but it helps! Remember that everyone on here is here because we care!!

~Amber~
post #13 of 23
Thread Starter 
Thank you ... I try and cant because I just want to see him one more time again and again and I start remembering and it's all tears and guilt again.
Here are a few pics so you can admire my little angel now.
Thanks all for your support.

post #14 of 23
I'm so sorry to hear about your boy.

Please don't blame yourself. You did all you could for him and he knew that. He'll be waiting for you at the Bridge. Many hugs to you.
post #15 of 23
A great big hug for you Hunny I am so sorry for your loss..
post #16 of 23
I'm very sorry for your pain and your loss. Sometimes we just can't fix our little wee ones. And in fact sometimes it is too much of a challenge even for the veternarian and we never know exactly what was wrong. Please don't beat yourself up over this. It sounds like you did everything you could to help. I know it's hard. I went through the same thing when Jake died.
post #17 of 23
I'm so sorry you're in so much pain over the loss of your adorable little guy. Let yourself grieve for him. Let yourself remember all the wonderful times you had together. As time goes by the pain lessens and the good memories will become stronger.

It is your sense of responsiblity and your loss of control that are causing you to feel so much guilt. That will lessen with time as you realize that you did the best you could and that your boy would never hold it against you.

You are a good person or you would not feel guilt. Remember that: you are a good person. I'm sending my prayers and condolences to you.
post #18 of 23
I felt the same way when I lost my Moo Moo, you will always be sad when you think of him, but it gets better. I learned so much from what I went thru with my cat & you will too. The catsite has been a good learning for me too. Your kitty is all happy & playing at the bridge.... waiting for you. Chin up sweety.
post #19 of 23
Thread Starter 
A friend sent me this quote ... I hope that all of you will like it as I did...

"Now, as I write this, on a gray winter day by the fireside, I can almost feel her light tread, moving from my head and my heart down through my fingertips to the keys of the typewriter. People may surprise you with unexpected kindness. Dogs have a depth of loyalty that often we seem unworthy of. But the love of a cat is a blessing, a privilege in this world.

They say when you die and go to heaven all the dogs and cats you've ever had in your life come running to meet you.

Until that day, rest in peace, Cuddles

KINKY FRIEDMAN
FEBRUARY 5, 1993
MEDINA, TEXAS"
post #20 of 23
I am so sorry!! I am sending you many HUGS to help comfort you...please stop blaming yourself!

May your sweet Gris RIP.
post #21 of 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brokenheart View Post
I think grief is one of those things that only time can help. Three months ago, I wouldn't have believed the grief would get gentler, but it does. I still miss him all day, every day, but it's no longer like being in the middle of a tornado.
and there will still be pain when you think of him, but nowhere near as sharp... i still miss my Mouse, gone 3 years this past Christmas season. i did the same thing you did - beat myself up for many things - not noticing sooner, not getting her to a competent vet, not being there when she left. but i know i did the best i could to do the right thing for her, & you did the same for Gris
post #22 of 23
I am sorry to hear about your loss. It is very hard to cope with the pain and with the guilt. I put my baby down today and I also feel extremely guilty. I keep asking myself if there was something I could have done differently in order to save him. but i think that this is a common feeling amongst pet owners. I mean they are our babies!!!!
time will heal! hang in there.....i am with you because I also am going thru the same thing
post #23 of 23
I'm so sorry for your loss. Rest in Peace Gris.
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