Here's the situation:
I have a friend, active Navy, nice guy. TOO nice, IMO, because he's far too complacent for me, even if he was entirely single. Which he's not. I've known him since grade school, but lost contact for a fair chunk of our adult lives. He was serving in Iraq when I moved to Portland, but his wife and stepdaughter were living here. I didn't know much about their marriage at the time. Since moving here, he's helped me find stuff (when my van was out of comm. he helped me shop for a dining table at thrift stores, etc), and thus we've talked about life, his marriage, and all that. At one point, he asked me 'if I were single, would you date me?'
I said no, for a few reasons. One, he's military. I've had bad experiences with military men (abuse, etc). Two, there's that whole friend thing. I cannot (no matter what) see any of my male friends as potential suitors. They're my buddies, not romantic interests. And even if I did, I'm not even remotely attracted to him. And the whole 'spineless when it comes to women' thing... I'm a strong, somewhat assertive woman, and seem to attract men who want to be lorded over. Which i refuse to do. I want my equal, not a servant.
Fast forward to a few months ago. His wife (not a nice person, takes advantage of his softness) serves him separation papers and takes off with kid and dogs. He has finally come to the realization that her 'indefinite separation' is a ploy to wait for his retirement pay in a few years. He's serving divorce papers. You can probably see where this is going...
He asked me over for Christmas dinner, presumably with a couple other friends. I didn't feel like going, and instead had a small turkey and a couple of my other friends came over (that was actually last minute, but the turkey was planned). Then, he calls to ask if i want to come over for dinner New Years Eve. a few small alarm bells start going off. I told him I wasn't sure how late I'd be working that night and I'd let him know. Honestly, I kinda hope I'm working a closing shift at the store... and that it goes until 9 pm. I don't think it will, but I sort of hope.
He knows I have no interest in dating him... but he's brought up, while we reminisce about school days, how everyone figured we'd end up together, etc...
this, plus the impending divorce on his part, and all the other chatter, has me a little freaked out. Okay, more than a little. Honestly, I'd rather stay home that night and celebrate by myself. I don't 'do' NYE like I used to... and i don't feel comfortable going over to his house and having dinner... those alarm bells keep going off...
What do you all think?
I have a friend, active Navy, nice guy. TOO nice, IMO, because he's far too complacent for me, even if he was entirely single. Which he's not. I've known him since grade school, but lost contact for a fair chunk of our adult lives. He was serving in Iraq when I moved to Portland, but his wife and stepdaughter were living here. I didn't know much about their marriage at the time. Since moving here, he's helped me find stuff (when my van was out of comm. he helped me shop for a dining table at thrift stores, etc), and thus we've talked about life, his marriage, and all that. At one point, he asked me 'if I were single, would you date me?'
I said no, for a few reasons. One, he's military. I've had bad experiences with military men (abuse, etc). Two, there's that whole friend thing. I cannot (no matter what) see any of my male friends as potential suitors. They're my buddies, not romantic interests. And even if I did, I'm not even remotely attracted to him. And the whole 'spineless when it comes to women' thing... I'm a strong, somewhat assertive woman, and seem to attract men who want to be lorded over. Which i refuse to do. I want my equal, not a servant.
Fast forward to a few months ago. His wife (not a nice person, takes advantage of his softness) serves him separation papers and takes off with kid and dogs. He has finally come to the realization that her 'indefinite separation' is a ploy to wait for his retirement pay in a few years. He's serving divorce papers. You can probably see where this is going...
He asked me over for Christmas dinner, presumably with a couple other friends. I didn't feel like going, and instead had a small turkey and a couple of my other friends came over (that was actually last minute, but the turkey was planned). Then, he calls to ask if i want to come over for dinner New Years Eve. a few small alarm bells start going off. I told him I wasn't sure how late I'd be working that night and I'd let him know. Honestly, I kinda hope I'm working a closing shift at the store... and that it goes until 9 pm. I don't think it will, but I sort of hope.
He knows I have no interest in dating him... but he's brought up, while we reminisce about school days, how everyone figured we'd end up together, etc...
this, plus the impending divorce on his part, and all the other chatter, has me a little freaked out. Okay, more than a little. Honestly, I'd rather stay home that night and celebrate by myself. I don't 'do' NYE like I used to... and i don't feel comfortable going over to his house and having dinner... those alarm bells keep going off...
What do you all think?