In a Pickle

MoochNNoodles

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Well I've been debating this post all evening, and now here I am. I'm not going into all the details, but it's about my 'new job.'
This may be a little long, but I'll be as brief as I can.


I started today. I went in at 11 and by 3 something I was fighting tears. I bawled all the way home and for quite a while afterward. DH didn't call that he was on his way home like usual, so he caught me crying. I hoped to be better by the time he got home. But even when he did I couldn't fight them enough.


In short, the job is not what I wanted. It's an office position, but includes some manual labor. Manual labor does not agree with my back. Heck I'm in pain after sitting. I also felt very out of place. The people were nice enough, but I did not fit in. And it wasn't the kind of out of place where it goes away with time.


I just don't know what to do. I'm scheduled tomorrow and Saturday. Part of me says give it another day (the logical part) while the emotional part says what more proof do I need that this isn't the right place?


I'm so tired of job searching. I'm frustrated and very disappointed. DH said it was up to me to either give it a few days or to call them in the morning and just say thank you, but I don't feel I fit this position well; which is the truth. I wish it was just an uncomfortable fit; where I could keep working till I get something better. But I just don't see it. I've never in my life had an experience like today. I've had days that sent me into the bathroom for a little cry and then I got through it. This was not like that. Mom always told our clients that not every person fits every job. I never realized how true that is until today. I don't want to let DH down or put any more on him. He says we will be fine and he knows I appreciate him.

Please say a few prayers for me for guidance and peace. I sorely need them. I think now what I need is to go rest my aching head and laugh; so I will go put in a Golden Girls DVD and see if an answer comes.
 

kittkatt

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I can sure relate to your back situation, b/c I'm in the same boat myself. I don't know how serious your condition is, but mine is to the point where my docs have officially declared me permanently disabled, and no longer able to work: I am now in the process of filing for disability..


When I was still working at my last job, I would go home crying just about every night. Not only b/c of the constant pain I was in, but also b/c of the stress of having to deal with jerks every day, and also b/c of "not fitting in". I didn't fit in, b/c I refused to "look the other way": I saw the company for what it was, and I would not bend to their rules or crooked ways, and I would not play in their ballpark: it was an issue of morals & standards. I was told on more than one occasion that if I didn't do what I was told to do "because it was my job", that I would be written up or fired. I refused to be threatened and would not back down, and was considered a "troublemaker". So be it. They never did fire me, but while I was there, they tried to make me as miserable as possible, so I would quit on my own. I eventually did leave voluntarily, when my docs took me out of the workforce. But the entire time I was there, I was miserable. I stuck it out for as long as I did, b/c I had to work and support myself...

I guess the point I'm trying to make is if you're already miserable at your new job, and if you really believe it's not for you, don't waste your time with it and subject yourself to the misery - especially if you don't have to - b/c it will eventually have an effect on your health. If you have a supportive s/o who's willing to stand by you, get another job. I know it's frustrating trying to find one, but there are other jobs out there. None of them are worth your time, if they're gonna make you miserable, or frustrate you to the point where you're gonna go home crying every night. I suffered through my job for years - but I had no choice at the time: it sounds as if you DO. Life is too short to be miserable...

I guess if I were you, MNN, I would give it a few days at least, and see if things improve: sometimes the first few days or weeks are the toughest, b/c you have a case of the new-job-jitters, and you feel alone & scared. Sometimes it takes awhile before you feel as if you belong, or are gonna fit in, or can handle it. I've been in that situation too, where I started a new job and was just horrified that I wouldn't be able to handle it. But in a few of those cases, I was glad I stuck it out b/c I ended up loving the job. I would at least give it a shot..


If you're still miserable after a week or so, then maybe it's not for you, and you're probably better off finding another job..

I hope it all works out for the best! Good luck!


~KK~
 

natalie_ca

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Sorry you didn't have a good day


It's uncomfortable starting a new job, especially when the rest of the staff are close knit with each other: it's hard not to feel like an outsider in the beginning. I've worked on hospital wards where I felt like that. I managed to integrate myself in on all wards except one, where I just didn't feel comfortable around some of the staff for no real reason other than I felt like their personalities didn't mesh with mine and that I had no desire to hang with them outside of work.

You might very well come to feel comfortable with the rest of the staff given some time. One day isn't really enough to "fit in".

Your back is another issue though. Were you aware that your job would require "manual labour" when you took it or was this something that was sprung on you today on your first day? If it wasn't discussed with you prior to you accepting the job, then you should talk to your boss and let him know that you are unable to do "manual labour" due to back issues, which is why you were seeking an office job.

If they are willing to remove the manual labour portion of the job, then you might consider giving the job another chance.

If you do feel a need to "quit", consider not leaving them in the lurch. They took a chance on you and you up and quitting will leave them short staffed. At the very least tell them that the job isn't what you thought it was and that you are giving them 2 weeks notice so that they have time to find someone else to fill the position.
 

theimp98

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first days are always rough, so i would not stress out to much about it.
the real question is, can your back deal with it ?
 
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MoochNNoodles

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Originally Posted by KittKatt

I can sure relate to your back situation, b/c I'm in the same boat myself. I don't know how serious your condition is, but mine is to the point where my docs have officially declared me permanently disabled, and no longer able to work: I am now in the process of filing for disability..
My back isn't that bad yet, thankfully, and I'd like to keep it that way you know? I feel for you with filing for disability though. I had many clients going through that at my last job. The one thing I learned, even if your turned down, apply again! And again and again if necessary.

Originally Posted by Natalie_ca

Your back is another issue though. Were you aware that your job would require "manual labour" when you took it or was this something that was sprung on you today on your first day? If it wasn't discussed with you prior to you accepting the job, then you should talk to your boss and let him know that you are unable to do "manual labour" due to back issues, which is why you were seeking an office job.
All I remember from the add was asking for an office worker. And in the interview asking if I had any limitations that would keep me from doing the job. He had asked about leaving my job in college, which was where I was working when I initially hurt my back (at home). It was a retail job and I left on my doctor's advice to give my back time to heal.

I still dont know what I'm going to do. It is not like me at all to react that way or so openly or strongly. I've always been one to hide negative emotions; not loose control of them.
 

babyharley

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Oh dear


I know what its like to really hate your job
My last one was like that & I stayed there for 2 months. Not because I wanted to, but because my unemployment ran out & we needed the money


You do whats best for YOU. Don't think about them, they can find someone else to fit the position. If you are seriously miserable & its hurting you physically, then you know its not the job for you.

Keep your chin up, we're here for you
 
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MoochNNoodles

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Well it's morning and I don't have a clear answer. My logical side is still fighting the rest of me. Once I got in bed I must have slept like a rock because I sure woke with a start this morning. Of course this was first and foremost on my mind. So I ended up getting up early.

One thing is for sure; if I'm going I need to eat more than half a balogna sandwich before I get in there. I had a snack with me, but never took a break in those 6 hours I was there yesterday. Guess I need to ask what the break policy is. Heck I need to ask where the bathroom is!
 

krazy kat2

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I am sorry to hear that your first day went badly. I hope it was just the stress of a new job.
I was scared stiff when I started my present job, not ever having done anything like that before. I had the flu for the entire training period, and was just totally miserable, but the job had some things to offer like a decent wage and health insurance. I managed to muddle through, and barely squeaked through the final test. I actually failed it, but it was so close my instructors let me on through. It is still kind of a pain, but I learned to fit in as well as I fit in anywhere, and have stuck it out for over a year. Sometimes I even like it, and have met some very nice and interesting people.
I am in no way saying you should stay and be miserable, but maybe you should give it one pay period at least, and hopefully you will become more comfortable, and that should give you enough time to know if it is for you or it never will be. I wish you the very best either way. Please let us know how it works out for you.
 

mzjazz2u

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I can relate to the back issues. I have a buldging disk and my facet joints have no cushion left in them so every move is painful just about. One thing I found that helps is excersise and strengthing my abs and low back. But that's neither here nor there if you can't handle the manual labor. What kind of manual labor is it? Anyway... it's always hard starting a new job and I get really emotional when I start one. Maybe you should consider hanging in there a week or so and see how things go.
 
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MoochNNoodles

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Well I'm dressed and eating some food. I'm pretty much talking myself into giving it at least today. Saying two weeks or even one week is too much at this point. I'm litterally sitting here shaking and trying to calm my stomach (which is fun while your eating) and fighting crying again.

Seriously, this is not like anything I've experienced before as far as anxiety from starting a new job or anything goes. What I can't decide is if this is just something new or if this really isn't right. I dont want to walk in there today with a quitting attitude or it will be bad. I guess I need to pep talk my brain some more, keep fighting the tears. Tears alone is sooo not like me.
 

carolpetunia

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Hon, it's very clear that something about this place is stressing you beyond your limits. Maybe it's partly the fear that you may hurt your back even worse trying to do this job... whatever it is, though, it's not worth it. Don't force yourself to stick with it.

Imagine how it would be if you were going there (a) on the understanding that you will not be doing the labor aspects of the job, and (b) only for a week or so, while they find a replacement. Would that make it tolerable for you? If so, it would be good to give them notice... but if not, you have to save yourself. They'll get by.

I think you're having serious anxiety about this. When you feel like crying, go into the restroom (once you find it, bless your heart!) and take a minute or two alone. Breathe very deeply and imagine a protective light glowing all around you, gently holding everything off at arm's length.

And hon, you don't have to hide negative emotions... at least not from us.
 

crittermom

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I am sending some that you can firgure out what it is that you want to do about the job.
 

cococat

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I am sorry you are having to deal with this! Sending you some good vibes for your back and your day. Hope you find a job that works better for your health, I feel for you!
 

mbjerkness

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sending you some calming . And some
. I am so sorry you are having such a hard time. Only you know If you can do this or not. If it doesn't feel right usually it isn't.
 

sweets

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In 2006 I lost a job of 27 years. I did NOT want to be in this position at my age. But luck and the gods were on my side and I found a job very quickly. Only now I'm being trained by people young enough to be my children. And I had nothing in common with them. I hated every day! But I was too stubborn to quit and I needed the stability of a regular paycheck. I would go home (similar to you) and sink into a depression.

I've now been with the company for almost a year. I gave the people some time, got to know a few of them away from everyone else, (pack/mob mentality) and actually found some interesting people.

What I'm saying is, don't give up because of a bad day. The people in the office are just as worried about getting to know you. Start by talking to 1 person. Start that conversation by asking for help getting to know the building!

Good luck hun. I'm behind you!
 

kluchetta

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Well, I hope things went a little better today, but it seems to me your reaction is possibly not just to the job? Like it's the first day on the job that brought it out, but there's something else going on that's got you anxious?

Example - we were going to a concert - should be fun, right? But I had an anxiety attack because the last 2 times we had gone to this place, (outdoor venue, with a LOT of stairs) I hurt for days afterward. I had gotten my hip fixed, so I shouldn't have been anxious, but I was, and it was because I was thinking, "so if it hurts this time, NOW what?"

Again - hope today went better.
 

whisker's mom

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Hope things went well today.

Sorry you had such a bad first day. I remember when the company I worked for announced it's closure. I was devastated and didn't really know what I was going to do with myself. When I came across this job posting that I have now, I decided to give it a try. Personally, I can't say I had any sick feelings about it but I do have to say that I honestly believe it took me months to feel like I fit in completely. My co-workers were always very nice but part of me still longed for my old job. I wanted to retreat back into my cocoon. I did end up sticking it out and now I can't see myself anywhere else. I too have ended up having to do manual work without having been told this in advance but for me, it's not a physical problem. You need to speak up if you cannot handle that part. I'm sure they wouldn't want to put you or them in jeopardy either way. There will alws be little surprises when you start a new job. It takes time to feel comfortable in a new environment and it takes time to create the lifelong friendships you may end up creating if you stay.

Just remember that your health is the most important thing. If this particular job ends up making you sick and you end up crying daily... then say goodbye and move on.

(((hugs)))

Good luck with whatever you do.
 

kittkatt

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Originally Posted by kluchetta

Well, I hope things went a little better today, but it seems to me your reaction is possibly not just to the job? Like it's the first day on the job that brought it out, but there's something else going on that's got you anxious?
Kluchetta makes a good point (regarding the anxiety, that is). When I was still working at the aforementioned previous job, I not only was suffering due to the pain & stress of the job, but also suffering emotionally & mentally due to an abusive ex-boyfriend. There were several occasions where I broke down crying at work, b/c I had way too much stress to handle at one time: the combination of the job from you-know-where and what the ex was putting me through was more than I could bear, and I lost my composure several times - and that's just not like me.
I've always been able to handle just about anything that was thrown at me - but I couldn't back then, b/c I had too much on my plate to digest...

I'm not saying that you're in the same boat, b/c I don't know. But anything is possible: maybe you also have too much on your plate right now too, and it's adding to your anxiety..
Anything is possible..

I hope your day at work today was better than yesterday.
Let us know how it went.


~KK~
 
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