TheCatSite.com › Forums › General Forums › The Cat Lounge › My mom has this way......(long)
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

My mom has this way......(long)

post #1 of 14
Thread Starter 
Of making me feel like the lowest piece of . Last night at dinner my dad wanted to pray. Now I follow Wiccan which has been an issue with my mom for ages. So I bow my head and remain quiet for my dad. Well he gets all bent outta shape because I didn't pray nor make the sign of the cross and that it was disrespectful. I say I'm not 4 and I made my decision about what I choose to believe in. He says to be a good guest you should pray to any religion in another persons house. Un-true. So he drops a few F bombs in front of my SO and friends.

So today I'm at my parents picking up some things I forgot and were having a decent time laughing and stuff, all of a sudden mom turns and brings up dinner again. Then proceeds to tell me what I bad person I am because I don't pray to God. I tell her I don't believe. I know that there's something out there that's bigger than me but I'm not sure what it is. Which is why I like Wiccan. It's very natural and spiritual. She goes on saying that's not how I was raised and I'm missing the point. So she says I'm not thankful enough. I told her I thanked my dad so much if my nose had been any further up his rear it'd be coming out his ear soon. Again she says I don't get it. So I ask her to clarify because I'm confused as heck at this point. She brings up dishes and me not offering to help. Everyone asked and she replied no to 3 different people. I don't get it. Then she tells me I'm a lying brat because I told my SO the reason I didn't drive until I was 18 was because I had gotten pregnant at a very young age so my parents denied the privilege until I was old enough to make adult decisions. She says that the whole incident never happened so I texted my friend that was with me during the whole thing and she confirmed it. So my mother starts crying and says that I'm the disillusioned one and that she was a terrible parent and that's the reason I'm so screwed up. So she just rants some more and tells me she wants her ******* money back and to get the hell out of her house.

I don't understand how everything just blew up when not a few seconds before we were all having a good time.
post #2 of 14
I'm so sorry

It really hurts when families are like that
post #3 of 14
Oh baby,
been there, done that.
Not a wiccan, but can never please my mom, no matter how hard I try...
My advice to you is, give up. Don't even let her get to you anymore. I had to do that the last time she was here. We fought the whole time she was here and before she left, all I said is that I wanted her to tell me one time that I did a good job, well that just sparked an arguement and she told me that it didn't matter what she thought that I should respect myself, well, I do now and if she can't like what I do, then she's not welcome anymore and can stay elsewhere. I give up trying to please her. I've done alot wrong in my life, but since then I've gotten alot better and just wanted her to say you did good, but that was to much to ask for so I just gave up. And that's my advice to you, if she can't love you for you, then don't put yourself in positions that she can make you feel terrible about yourself anymore. Just bow out of family functions and distance yourself like I had to. It hurts sure, but it sure feels better whwn your mom isn't making you feel like poop.
post #4 of 14
I so understand. Religion is such a touchy issue, even within families... people get completely irrational.

Your family seems to have confused spiritual belief with social nicety, which is absurd. I know being right is cold comfort when your family turns on you like that, but... you were right. I hope they'll come to see that eventually.
post #5 of 14
That's really annoying when families are like that. I personally get along really well with my parents... I'm lucky. Mum and dad separated when I was young, mum has a female partner and dad has re-married. They all get along really well, and we still get together every Christmas morning for breakfast. It's a pretty weird situation when you think about it... Usually divorced people and their partners aren't all friendly with each other!

But I do understand your situation - my SO has the same issues with his family. It makes me really upset when I see families that just can't work things out with each other - especially when it comes to religion and life choices. If they respected you, they would respect your decisions, so it's not fair for them to treat you like that.

I hope things get better, and this time of year is stressful for everyone so it just makes it worse...
post #6 of 14
Oh my, families. Nothing like them to get you where it hurts. No one on earth has that kind of power.

My mother has that "selective memory" as well. All 5 of her children can bring up an incident from the past and she'll just say it didn't happen. Of course, the incident mentioned will place her in a bad light so of course it couldn't have happened "that" way.

It seems they are choosing to not understand your point on religion. Or perhaps they are afraid of it. I know the churches I attended as a child make "witches" into horror stories. We would fry for eternity for even thinking along those lines.

Your family is going to have to accept you at some point. Just keep loving them, but don't put yourself through hell. You have friends and an SO - sometimes they have to replace the family until things straighten out.

I agree with Carol, you did all the right things. You just can't control how they are going to behave and you shouldn't have to.

Sending lots of loving vibes
post #7 of 14
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tobi View Post
That's really annoying when families are like that. I personally get along really well with my parents... I'm lucky. Mum and dad separated when I was young, mum has a female partner and dad has re-married. They all get along really well, and we still get together every Christmas morning for breakfast. It's a pretty weird situation when you think about it... Usually divorced people and their partners aren't all friendly with each other!
Wow, you have marvelous parents!
post #8 of 14
Thread Starter 
Thanks all. Knowing others suffer the same way helps. My family isn't totally abnormal. I'm starting to wonder if my mother is the one that needs to be screened for bi-polar disorder.
post #9 of 14
Sometimes it's just better to go along with the flow.

As a nurse I have lots of patients who ask me to pray with them. I hold their hands, close my eyes, bow my head and let them pray. In the meantime I'm thinking about what I still need to do before my shift ends, or what I want to pick up at the grocery store after work.

I don't get into religeous arguments with people because instead of telling them "I don't believe" etc. etc. I just go with the flow. It makes them happy and it keeps the peace.
post #10 of 14
Sorry you had a bad time. IMO you don't "force" someone to pray if they don't believe, but as a Christian I would pray FOR you. If I was in a Jewish house or Muslim, or whatever, I would NOT follow their religious beliefs; I would pray to God in my way.

Right now my DH's brother is staying with us - he's 1/2 Native American and not a Christian. We don't force him to say prayers at dinner time, but we DO talk about God/Jesus and we DO pray for him.

I'm not gonna hide my beliefs or be ashamed of them. If you choose not to believe, that's your right, but you shouldn't feel bad if someone prays for you - just that I'd respect you not to join in if you choose.

What happened in the past is the past - its over and done and nothing can change things. You have to learn how to react to their reactions.
post #11 of 14
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Natalie_ca View Post
Sometimes it's just better to go along with the flow.

As a nurse I have lots of patients who ask me to pray with them. I hold their hands, close my eyes, bow my head and let them pray. In the meantime I'm thinking about what I still need to do before my shift ends, or what I want to pick up at the grocery store after work.

I don't get into religeous arguments with people because instead of telling them "I don't believe" etc. etc. I just go with the flow. It makes them happy and it keeps the peace.

That's what I did. I lowered my head and observed a moment of silence for me. I may not have done things they way they wanted but I was respectful of their time.
post #12 of 14
i think you did the right thing, and sometimes our families are just disfuntional, but too bad we can't choose them i hope things get better! good vibes to you hun!
post #13 of 14
I'm so sorry that you didn't have a good time with your parents. I have a hard time with my mother and father too. I am a Christian and my parents are both Christians as well, but they don't believe that I can hear from God like I do. They are always telling me how I am just too young to understand things like they do. Well, at 26 I'm no child anymore. Granted I am not that wise in the world but I know what I believe and what I experience. I am sorry that your parents tried to force you to follow their religion. It sounds to me like they have put more emphasis on the structure of the religion than on the relationship between the person and God. That is not the way that Christians should behave. And I apologize that you have had this happen to you. Christianity is about forgiveness and unconditional love. I believe that God has given everyone freewill and that means that they can chose what they want to believe in. If you have chosen something other than their religion that is your decision and they should not try to force you to chose differently. It is possible to disagree with a person's choice and still love the person. THAT is what a Christian is called to do-to love the person no matter what they chose. I am so sorry that you are not getting along well with your parents. But please do still try to be around them. They are the only parents that you have. Maybe you could ask your parent that religion will be an "off limits" topic. My mom and I some things that we just don't talk about--because it will always lead to an argument. I hope that this helps, at lease a little. Oh, and BTW, you did the respectful thing at their table. You were very respectful of their choice. I am sorry that they did not grant you the same respect. If it will be ok with you, I will pray for your situation. I know that I believe in something and someone different than you do, but it is the best thing that I know to do for someone who is hurting, if you would not mind.

Sorry I went on so long. I hope that you feel better
Michelle
post #14 of 14
well said Michelle
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: The Cat Lounge
TheCatSite.com › Forums › General Forums › The Cat Lounge › My mom has this way......(long)