Worst. Christmas. Ever.

I cannot wait for this day to be over. Really. I am literally counting down the hours.

I won't itemize the horror (haha), but let's just say I am so done with this day. I am lonely and sad and overwhelmed and... I want to scream!

Sorry, I just had to vent.

Did anybody else have a day that falls into this category?!?!

Well on top of having to work both Christmas Eve Graveyard shift, and Tonight (Christmas night) Graveyard shift, I am in so much pain, I haven't been able to eat much of anything, except baby food. I have what appears to be a massive infection in m lower left molar tooth in the back. The left side of my jaw is so swollen on the left side, I look and feel like a monster. I feel awful, and I can see there is no way it is going to give me a reprieve . Somehow I'm going to have to find a dentist to pull this tooth, and I have no money and no dental insurance. So yeah, it hasn't been what you'd call a joyful Christmas for me.

Oh hon, yes. I came here to the site trying to be upbeat and not say anything about it, but... yes, the very worst Christmas ever. Ever.

It was the first time in my whole life when I couldn't even be with my family during the gift exchanges. Not because I had to work or anything... just because a certain member of the family wouldn't come unless I went away.

But I just couldn't bear to miss it completely... so I went and parked my car far away and walked back and hid in a bedroom while they all had Christmas, and I sat on the floor by the bedroom door, listening.

I just can't believe how families treat each other sometimes. I'm so sorry you had a bad time of it, too.

Originally Posted by CarolPetunia

I just can't believe how families treat each other sometimes. I'm so sorry you had a bad time of it, too.

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Thanks. This Christmas wasn't made miserable by my family; it was made miserable by my fiancee's. They live four hours away, and they banned me from their Christmas celebration, because they like to pretend that I don't exist. Because I'm a horrible person? No, because I'm gay. And if I'm not there, they can pretend that their daughter isn't.

She went on her own for several reasons, which we discussed... but it doesn't make it any less hurtful or enfuriating or sad. And yeah, I got to see my parents/family, but I wanted to spend it with her.

Add to that the fact that my roommate basically destroyed my room while I was at my parents', and that all I wanted was quiet time and a nice, hot bath tonight, but instead came home to a houseful of loud, drunk people...

yeah.

Okay.

End rant.

I try not to make a big deal of it. Holidays are some of the things that annoy me; they throw off my routine and mess everything up. Routine is important to me; it helps me know what I need to do next and plans out the future in a predictable pattern. Without it, I'm indecisive and aimless; I can't figure out what needs to be done next. Holidays mess up everything because the things I'd normally do, I suddenly can't do--businesses close, the library is unavailable, people act differently, class schedules change. All that really throws me off.

I wish Christmas weren't such a big deal. If it were celebrated about as enthusiastically as, for example, Presidents' Day or your 34th birthday, then it'd be perfect. Just an acknowledgement in church, a special dinner, a few cards, and that's it. Tasteful, and not enough to cause a tailspin for every autistic and/or routine-dependent person on the face of the planet.

Yesterday night, I tried to find some eggs to buy; but everything was closed because it was Christmas Eve, and I had to go without the eggs I wanted. (I had food, so I didn't go hungry; still, it was really annoying and disappointing to bike across town in the freezing weather trying to find someone who was still open.)

Currently I'm trying to pick up the pices of my routines (which were shaky to begin with), hoping I'll have some semblance of predictability by the time classes start in early January.

Originally Posted by CarolPetunia

Oh hon, yes. I came here to the site trying to be upbeat and not say anything about it, but... yes, the very worst Christmas ever. Ever.

It was the first time in my whole life when I couldn't even be with my family during the gift exchanges. Not because I had to work or anything... just because a certain member of the family wouldn't come unless I went away.

But I just couldn't bear to miss it completely... so I went and parked my car far away and walked back and hid in a bedroom while they all had Christmas, and I sat on the floor by the bedroom door, listening.

I just can't believe how families treat each other sometimes. I'm so sorry you had a bad time of it, too.

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Yep. I was trying to be brave for DH all day, but I broke down after dinner, and started crying. It's been 3 Christmases since my family disowned me, on Christmas Eve. All over my SIL's stupid sister, who was rude to DH and I over supposedly snubbing them in Sam's Club 3 years ago (we have NO memory of even seeing her and her BF/husband in Sam's Club, nor, at that time, would DH even have known them to say "Hi". This started a family fight, in which everyone took her side, even my own Mom, even though they all thought what she and SIL did to my husband and I was wrong.) Also, my brothers were overheard by DH and my friend saying that I had no right to leave Mom, and get married, and should've stayed with her, to take care of her. Oh, wait a minute--I forgot--they DO speak to my DH now, but ignore me when I'm standing right next to him (this is a different SIL and brother). Their stupid, lazy son (my nephew, whom I adored when he was a baby), did likewise. They said "Hi" to DH; shot me a dirty look, then walked away. This was in Mom's house; when I told her about it, she didn't seem upset, nor does she when she mentions the family functions she had been to (didn't she ever wonder why I wasn't there? Because I wasn't invited, that's why.) I even have a new niece, born last March (I think), but no one cared to tell me, and I don't even know her name. Mom let it slip the other day that she was invited to their annual "family" Xmas party. Hope she enjoyed it.

Even though I dislike the idiots I must call "family", it just breaks my heart that I only have DH to celebrate Christmas with. I love him so much, but you know what I mean. I have a family only 3 miles away, but it's like they're dead. I'm lucky to have DH's folks, who are wonderful, but they're not my flesh and blood family; besides, they live 3 hrs. away. All I want is to have a family to share happy times with, and cook a big meal for. I don't expect holidays to be perfect (and God knows, it never was growing up--Dad is another story I won't bore you with), but it's so sad and so lonely. I keep thinking about all of the houses on our street, most of which must have happy families and the sound of little kids right now. This is when I wish I had kids even more than usual. I told DH this tonight, and he said, "Do you want to make one?". Don't I wish, but I can't.

Sorry to be such a whiner. I know there are so many others out there with much more tragic Christmas stories than mine, and I know I should be grateful for what I have. I know of least 1 family in my development, who must be having a rotten Xmas--3 little boys, whose Mom hanged herself last Spring. I feel so bad for them.

Originally Posted by kaete

Thanks. This Christmas wasn't made miserable by my family; it was made miserable by my fiancee's. They live four hours away, and they banned me from their Christmas celebration, because they like to pretend that I don't exist. Because I'm a horrible person? No, because I'm gay. And if I'm not there, they can pretend that their daughter isn't.

She went on her own for several reasons, which we discussed... but it doesn't make it any less hurtful or enfuriating or sad. And yeah, I got to see my parents/family, but I wanted to spend it with her.

Add to that the fact that my roommate basically destroyed my room while I was at my parents', and that all I wanted was quiet time and a nice, hot bath tonight, but instead came home to a houseful of loud, drunk people...

yeah.

Okay.

End rant.

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Oh, what lovely, enlightened people they must be! ;-) I wonder, are they very "religious", too? I love it when people act holier-than-thou, yet have such prejudices. (Just so nobody misunderstands me, by "religious" I mean those sanctimonious types that give truly religious folks a bad name. Religious (without quotes) means the normal, well-adjusted, God-fearing people.)

They should be glad that their daughter found love, regardless of the type of sexuality. If you love each other, that's wonderful--this world needs more of it! Her parents better wise up, and love and accept their daughter for what she is. They should just be glad she's happy.

I'm sorry you had to go through all of this nonsense today. I hope things get better for you, and soon.

So sorry to hear you have all had an unpleasant Christmas. I'm sure there are many more people out there who dread this day, and for many different reasons also. It's a difficult time for many and a happy time for many also. I wish it could be an all around joyous time for all but that's far from the truth. Hang in there everyone. Tomorrow will be a better day and hopefully next year will be a happier celebration for all.

Personally I have to admit I had a nice Christmas but I dread tomorrow. That's when my cleanup begins. This place looks like a tornado went through it.

This wasn't a great Christmas for me either. I'm so beyong broke that I declared bankruptcy at the end of November, and if it weren't for the "Christmas Cheer Board", I wouldn't have had anything to eat today. I put my name in for a food hamper for Christmas this year. Usually I'm donating to the cause, but this year I found myself on the receiving end.

However, as bad as my circumstances are, I try to keep in mind that there are others in this world who are far worse off than I am. There are people in 3rd world countries that have nothing to eat today and many other days in the year, and while I sit in my cosy 1 bedroom apartment with running water, heat and electricity, watching Pirates of the Carribean on TV, there are some who are sleeping on the ground on straw mats inside "homes" made out of mud or straw, so malnourished that they may not wake up in the morning.

So even though times are tough for me right now, I am far better off than many people in this world, and I have a whole lot to be thankful for, regardless of how much money or food that I have.

HopeHacker - Can you go to a doctor tomorrow to get some antibiotics? Best not to wait till a dentist decides they can fit you in, you'll need the antibiotics before and after the tooth comes out anyways.

Originally Posted by kaete

Thanks. This Christmas wasn't made miserable by my family; it was made miserable by my fiancee's. They live four hours away, and they banned me from their Christmas celebration, because they like to pretend that I don't exist. Because I'm a horrible person? No, because I'm gay. And if I'm not there, they can pretend that their daughter isn't.

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She should be more supportive... but that's for you two to work out.
But you know what? Instead of feeling sad because you were excluded, tell yourself you do not need to deal with such childish people.

Oh and get a couple of good locks for your room, threaten to break fingers of anyone who attempts to force their way in.

Originally Posted by CarolPetunia

It was the first time in my whole life when I couldn't even be with my family during the gift exchanges. Not because I had to work or anything... just because a certain member of the family wouldn't come unless I went away.

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Again.. that's childish. People can suck it up for one day, it's only a few hours -and I highly doubt that you're such a horrible person to be around.



After years of having to put up with my parents fighting - anyone who's been through that knows how bad it can get around the holidays, and then for a few years having my dad completely ignore my existence, I finally have some normalcy. I still cannot figure out why people have to act so stupid at this time of year.

Originally Posted by kaete

Thanks. This Christmas wasn't made miserable by my family; it was made miserable by my fiancee's. They live four hours away, and they banned me from their Christmas celebration, because they like to pretend that I don't exist. Because I'm a horrible person? No, because I'm gay. And if I'm not there, they can pretend that their daughter isn't.

She went on her own for several reasons, which we discussed... but it doesn't make it any less hurtful or enfuriating or sad. And yeah, I got to see my parents/family, but I wanted to spend it with her.

Add to that the fact that my roommate basically destroyed my room while I was at my parents', and that all I wanted was quiet time and a nice, hot bath tonight, but instead came home to a houseful of loud, drunk people...

yeah.

Okay.

End rant.

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My family went through this too when my sister would bring a partner. I have 4 siblings (3 brothers). The middle brother and his wife believe if they accept her partner they are condoning a practice they feel will send them to hell. (Idiots). Anyway, I am the oldest, sis is the youngest. It'll be over my cold, dead body the day there is a family function that doesn't include her and her partner. One of her partners opted to not attend some functions simply because those two people made her feel unwanted.

That brother and sister-in-law never said a word to sis or partner during these times. Treated them both as invisible. Even when addressed directly, they would pretend they weren't there. Broke sis's heart repeatedly. As long as sis showed up without partner, to them everything was fine. She could be visible then.

Flip side, all the grandchildren have been great with her guests as have the other two brothers. Mom is another story, but she hides things well.

This kind of stuff just makes me want to scream. Maybe next year you and your partner could have a Christmas get-together with friends? Big hugs and calming vibes to you. Hope your New Year is shiny and bright!

We had an alone Christmas by choice. My family is in AL and Gary's mom is in Chicago. When we don't get together with family, we usually spend our Christmas with two friends families that always get together. We decided we just wanted a quiet one this year. It turned out to be the right decision, because Gary's got the flu as of today.

Despite it, we had a nice quiet day - slept in, read books and watched movies. No stress, no mess.

But my heart goes out to all of you for which this is a painful day. Families can really be horrendous and bring out the worst in each other - and being in a really tight financial situation ourselves, my heart goes out to all who had no choice but to work, and to those who are also struggling.

to all,

Laurie

Originally Posted by CarolPetunia

I couldn't even be with my family during the gift exchanges. Not because I had to work or anything... just because a certain member of the family wouldn't come unless I went away.

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Next time you go and if that person doesn't want to be there, that's entirely up to them. It's pretty petty of them to insist that they won't go unless you aren't there. Let them be the one left out if that's how they want things to be. No reason for you to be pushed out of family gatherings because of that person. Let them miss out.

Originally Posted by CarolPetunia

Oh hon, yes. I came here to the site trying to be upbeat and not say anything about it, but... yes, the very worst Christmas ever. Ever.

It was the first time in my whole life when I couldn't even be with my family during the gift exchanges. Not because I had to work or anything... just because a certain member of the family wouldn't come unless I went away.

But I just couldn't bear to miss it completely... so I went and parked my car far away and walked back and hid in a bedroom while they all had Christmas, and I sat on the floor by the bedroom door, listening.

I just can't believe how families treat each other sometimes. I'm so sorry you had a bad time of it, too.

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man oh man! If I were anywhere near Plano, you would be at the top of my guest list! That person has no brain. They can't help it, must have leaked out while they slept one night. Not your fault. I am sure other people there thought it was ridiculous as well. Cheers to next year!

Originally Posted by Bonnie1965

... Maybe next year you and your partner could have a Christmas get-together with friends? Big hugs and calming vibes to you. Hope your New Year is shiny and bright!

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This is really something to consider! Gary and I (and others) did a bunch of Thanksgivings with several gay couples that had this same problem with their families. We called it "Thanksgiving and Not-So-Thanksgiving," and each year we went around the table, and everyone listed things they were thankful for - and then we all went around and listed things we weren't thankful for!



Laurie

Yes well i had to be sitting opposite my father didn't i?

None of us are fond of my aunt and uncle (mums brother) they are snobs. They never call, they dont visit grandpas grave anymore, the only reason we see them once a year is so that they can bring grandma over who doesn't drive. My father is disgusting when he tries to be civil. He talks with his mouth full of food, makes the most disgusting noises, tries to be suave when he cannot, piles his small plates right up into a pile of mush. The five of them were all talking to eachother about solar power and stuff i dont know much about so i kept quiet when i finished my food. After a while my dad got annoyed with me, everyone went silent, he turned to me and said 'are you going to join in the conversation, or leave the table?'

He me right off and embaressed me in front of my mum and grandma who i care about, and in front of my aunt and uncle who do not even know what my father is like behind closed doors.

God i really wanted to jump over that table and stab him in the face with my fork.



To you that may sound like a small thing, but every day he finds new ways to belittle me, hurt my feelings, make me feel like a moron when i know im not.

Btw, i did talk alot, when he was out of the room, because i felt more comfortable, and didn't have to have him staring at me from across the table to get me to talk.

Merry stupid ho ho.

Originally Posted by Dragoriana

Yes well i had to be sitting opposite my father didn't i?

None of us are fond of my aunt and uncle (mums brother) they are snobs. They never call, they dont visit grandpas grave anymore, the only reason we see them once a year is so that they can bring grandma over who doesn't drive. My father is disgusting when he tries to be civil. He talks with his mouth full of food, makes the most disgusting noises, tries to be suave when he cannot, piles his small plates right up into a pile of mush. The five of them were all talking to eachother about solar power and stuff i dont know much about so i kept quiet when i finished my food. After a while my dad got annoyed with me, everyone went silent, he turned to me and said 'are you going to join in the conversation, or leave the table?'

He

me right off and embaressed me in front of my mum and grandma who i care about, and in front of my aunt and uncle who do not even know what my father is like behind closed doors.

God i really wanted to jump over that table and stab him in the face with my fork.

To you that may sound like a small thing, but every day he finds new ways to belittle me, hurt my feelings, make me feel like a moron when i know im not.

Btw, i did talk alot, when he was out of the room, because i felt more comfortable, and didn't have to have him staring at me from across the table to get me to talk.

Merry stupid ho ho.

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Your mom and grandma probably know what he is like. His poor behavior only reflects badly on him, not on you.

Oh hon Im so sorry your christmas turned out to be like this My dh family used to be like that before we were married I wasnt allowed to any of the holiday get togethers and got to sit all alone at home with nothing better to do aside from twiddling my thumbs.

I hate people that are so closed minded I am Christian and I do not care what your sexual preference is, what religion you believe in, or what clothes you wear. if you're happy then Im happy for you!!!

Sending lots of that your holidays are much better from now on and that her family becomes more open minded!

really sorry to hear it

I feel disloyal for what I posted. Let me clarify: I dearly love my family, including the member who treated me with such contempt today. I don't understand... but I do love nonetheless, relentlessly.