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holy control freak batman!

post #1 of 26
Thread Starter 
listen to this...
my boyfriend's (girl) friend is getting married in february (and he's in the wedding). her wedding theme is black and white. BUT she also is requesting that everyone invited wear only black and white also. so i send her a message via myspace telling her how i have this cute black dress that i'm planning on wearing but it has a sash accross the middle (which is sewed on) that has a few other colors in it (by the way, the dress is so cute and looks SO good on me ). i told her that my boyfriend made a joke that she was gunna check at the door and not let me in if i had it on, and she writes back saying in so many words that she wouldnt not-let-me-in, but that she's trying to keep it all black and white and that i can wear the dress to the rehearsal dinner (which i didnt even know i was invited to), and that she knows she's a brat. UM can we say control freak? a little background: she has been spoiled all her life BIG TIME and wants things HER WAY all the time... i am so not like that, so i guess i just dont understand. but i told my boyfriend the heck (and i didnt say heck) if i'm gunna spend money i dont have for another dress when half the people probably wont even pay attention to the request anyway. but now that i brought it to her attention i'm sure everyone will have something to say... but at this point i dont care, and she will have to deal. UGH it just annoyed me big time. i mean i understand it's her day but there is only so much control you can have... that's why you have a bridal party
post #2 of 26
If you aren't in the wedding party, she has no right to tell you what to wear unless she plans on forking out the expense for you. Besides, not everyone looks good in black or white.
post #3 of 26
Yikes! Asking the all the guests to purchase special clothing is ridiculous. What if everyone goes with black? It would look more like a funeral than a wedding. Very silly woman you have on your hands there. Someone has forgotten what the ceremony is all about
post #4 of 26
What they said. And moreover, what Henry David Thoreau said: "Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes."

Hmph!
post #5 of 26
IMO I'd wear what you have. I agree - its a little silly and controlling to tell everyone (outside the wedding party) what they were to wear!

I'd be very tempeted to wear a red dress to the wedding - just because
post #6 of 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoldenKitty45 View Post
I'd be very tempeted to wear a red dress to the wedding - just because
I was thinking something along the lines of a nice cotton tie-dye
post #7 of 26
I think I'd RSVP something along the lines of....

"Sorry, I won't be attending your wedding, as I can't afford to buy another dress. Unfortunately the dress that I have isn't acceptable, according to your rigid dress code."
post #8 of 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pookie-poo View Post
I think I'd RSVP something along the lines of....

"Sorry, I won't be attending your wedding, as I can't afford to buy another dress. Unfortunately the dress that I have isn't acceptable, according to your rigid dress code."
I have never heard of tell the guess what to wear, I think that is really rude
post #9 of 26
Yeah, just wear your dress! How strange to tell the guests what they have to wear.
post #10 of 26
Black and white theme??

Booooooring!

I agree that it's fine to coordinate what the wedding party wears but that's where the line should be drawn. Guests should be able wear what they want as long as it's in good taste.
post #11 of 26
Yikes!!!

Um I'd have to wear what I wanted. I'd say your close enough in accomodating her request. I guess if all else fails, tell her to close her eyes when she sees you comming. And I wouldn't wear the dress to the rehersal, maybe bring it! I'd be like "um people are going to think I have no clothing!"

I love weddings and what not, but I can't stand bridezillas!!!
post #12 of 26
Well, it's her funeral after all. That's just downright unaccaptable behaviour - even from a child, let alone a bride. She might find that there are a lot of people who simpl won't turn up because they are not going to be forced to wear just black and white. She will be a very lonely corpse.... no wait, bride.... she's getting married right? Why black of all colours? I feel sorry for her husband-to-be.

If I were you, I would turn up in a bright pink spandex all-in-one and if she doesn't like it, then that's her problem. If she can turn you away because of what you wear, she's not really much of a friend to anyone. Very shallow.

Tell you what - if she closes her eyes, then ALL of her guests will be in black!! And it's SO much cheaper.
post #13 of 26
Good Lord. I just don't understand wedding insanity. It just goes right over my head. I'd go out and buy a nice, shimmery rainbow-print number for the occasion
post #14 of 26
Ok, that's a new one--telling the guests what they can wear. Nope--it's not correct, and I think it's rather rude. Also, I've heard of "black and white" weddings, and please forgive me what I'm going to say next: they are in poor taste, in my opinion (and Miss Manners' opinion, if I remember correctly!). It's not a cocktail party, it's a wedding. White is appropriate for the bride; the groom/groomsmen can wear black suits, tails (for certain times of the day), etc. Black is not considered an appropriate wedding color--it's traditionally for funerals, not weddings (though, in the tropics, white is supposedly for mourning). In fact, it's considered poor ettiquette for a guest to wear EITHER black or white to a wedding (black for reasons stated, and white is so you don't appear to be competing with the bride). I don't mean to sound harsh, sorry. But, I dislike weddings that are too cutesie or too thematic with clothing, unless it's a historical reenactment-type thing (I myself had a Civil War gown, and so did my attendants, as we were reenactors.)

I hate to say it, but if your friend is this controlling and spoiled now, how is she going to adapt to marriage? Of course, that's not the point here; perhaps I should shut up now...
I believe the bride-to-be is only entitled to dictate the clothing of the attendants and groomsmen, and choose corsages for the Mom and MIL-to-be.
post #15 of 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bonnie1965 View Post
I was thinking something along the lines of a nice cotton tie-dye
I guess we should be glad her friend is not having one of those "naturalist" (really "nudist") weddings!
post #16 of 26
I feel sorry for the guy who is getting married to this woman!! Is he nuts or what?
post #17 of 26
Thread Starter 
THIS IS WHY I LOVE YOU GUYS!!! i soooooo agree!
update!!! so i she had told me she wants to keep it black and white (i think i told you guys that) and i wrote back to her saying in so many words, i'll try, but i dont have money to be buying another dress so i might have to wear it but hopefully everything works out. (trying to be nice). she says thanks and that other people asked her about other colors and she told them no, so she is trying to be "universal" and she had hoped for this look, and thanks for being patient with her. UM i'm not being patient LOL. so today she tells my boyfriend that she doesnt want me to wear it and he tells her he doesnt want to be in the middle and that i've been out of work for 3 months (on disability, i was in an accident) and she said that HE SHOULD BUY ME A DRESS TO WEAR hahahahahaha. she is a freeeeek!!!! he just laughed. then she said we dont have to give her a gift if i get a dress, it will be her gift. so i said well if that's the case i wont give her a thing and i'll buy myself something new and cute! but i still feel like i'm giving in to a control freak and she will think i just did it so she could get her way, which i kind of am stubborn about letting her think. AND i really like my dress that i have!! my boyfriend just said to wear it and let her be pissed. i said if it's important to HIM, i will get something else and not give her a gift, but he said he doesnt want to make me do something like that and plus he knows i am strong willed (one of the things he loves about me hahahaha) so anyways, there's the update... if there's anything else, i'll let u know! thanks guys!!
post #18 of 26
Thread Starter 
oh and by the way, she is 23 and her bf is 21 and he knows how she is and everyone told him 'what is he thinking' but he apparently loves her, so i guess either he will realize it later or he likes the take-charge type, who knows... i'm just glad i'm not him... and i made a joke to my bf that he must be sad that dave (her fiance) got to her before my bf could LOL, he said i am real funny, haha.
post #19 of 26
I second the sequined rainbow dress suggestion. You should organize others you know that are going to protest and wear bright colors! I didn't even tell my bridesmaid what to wear for my wedding, I can't imagine telling my guests!!!
post #20 of 26
She can request you only where black or white, but can not demand it of her guests. The only thing I asked of my guests was they not wear jeans since a wedding is a "dress up" event. The cousin it was directed to didn't even show up. He went to a golf tournament instead after RSVPing "Yes"!! .
post #21 of 26
Actually, when I was planning my wedding a few years ago, it was very "in style" to give the guest a dress code (I was on a wedding forum). Not many couples did it but the ones that did obviously had more money than they knew what do to with and so did their guests, so they had closets full of clothes to go through and if nothing suited, it was an excuse to buy more. These are also the couples that spend $300/plate for the reception.

Do you have a white t-shirt? Black jeans? I would wear that because you are fitting into her color scheme so she shouldn't get mad about it. Nice pair of jeans, black heels, even a nice blouse rather than a t-shirt. Nothing says you have to wear a dress to a wedding.

I think it's unreasonable to say what colors the guests have the wear, but I do know it is done in some places. Honestly, it's her day, and while I think it's ridiculous to ask guests to do that, I would try to work with what you have. It is you BF's friend, and you don't want to cause problems down the road.
post #22 of 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by calico2222 View Post
Actually, when I was planning my wedding a few years ago, it was very "in style" to give the guest a dress code (I was on a wedding forum). Not many couples did it but the ones that did obviously had more money than they knew what do to with and so did their guests, so they had closets full of clothes to go through and if nothing suited, it was an excuse to buy more. These are also the couples that spend $300/plate for the reception.

Do you have a white t-shirt? Black jeans? I would wear that because you are fitting into her color scheme so she shouldn't get mad about it. Nice pair of jeans, black heels, even a nice blouse rather than a t-shirt. Nothing says you have to wear a dress to a wedding.

I think it's unreasonable to say what colors the guests have the wear, but I do know it is done in some places. Honestly, it's her day, and while I think it's ridiculous to ask guests to do that, I would try to work with what you have. It is you BF's friend, and you don't want to cause problems down the road.
Extremely good advice! Go with the black & white t-shirt & jeans!
post #23 of 26
You know, if this "friend" keeps going the way she is on her dictating ways, I suggest you and your bf might consider dropping out of the wedding period. Seems more complaining going on then being excited.

But I do like the above poster's suggestion on the black jeans and white shirt. DH is being really "mean" this morning (I was reading him some of the comments). He said he would be tempted to put on a pair of black pants, white shirt and then put on a pair of boxers over the pants...........with a red pair of lips on the back
post #24 of 26
Thread Starter 
that is cute, tell him i say thanks! lol

well i do get what you're saying... i dont have black jeans, but i do have a pair of nice black pants that i wore to her "jack & jill" (which, by the way, had 100 people, was held in a hotel, and is similar to a small wedding)... and i also wore a black and white shirt with a black jacket over it but i am not wearing the same thing... but i dont want to make it look like i'm being a rebel... but i just dont get where she thinks she gets off... i know that i'm probably making this out to be a bigger deal than it should be (i tend to do that) but it just annoys me, how she is going about this, and not even really coming to me about it directly like an adult... its just annoying because i probably wont have another thing soon to wear this dress i have to, and i think i would really look/feel great in it, but she has to mess me up. i might just wear what i want and call it a day. she may be mad for a while but i'm not really worried about pleasing her. i would never make such a request for my wedding. i just really dont want to give in to her control-freak mentality.
post #25 of 26
Yeah, just wear what you feel you are most comfortable with and if she pulls her "can't come in cause you are not dressed right" she can do that in front of a lot of people, which won't set too well and will make HER look bad - not you.
post #26 of 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoldenKitty45 View Post
Yeah, just wear what you feel you are most comfortable with
Exactly!

Going out and buying some special for a wedding because of a colour scheme, especially when you can't afford it, is wrong! And her expecting you to do so even after your boy friend told her that you are out of work and don't have the money, or telling him that he should buy you a dress, is just plain sick and selfish on her part.

Personally if it were me, I wouldn't bother going. Your boy friend is part of the wedding party and it's not like you are going to be spending the evening with him anyway. He will be paired up with a bridesmaid, sitting at the head table, and doing wedding party duties. You'll be lucky if you get a dance or two with him the entire evening.

I wouldn't go and I wouldn't buy her anything either.
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