Bizarre Situation At Work! Help? (Looooong post)

shopcat

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I was hoping you guys could lend some thoughts on a very strange situation that's been happening to me at work. It's going to take awhile to explain & I hope I can make sense in telling it.
I work at a sheetmetal fabrication shop, along with my fiancee, Mike. (I've been there for over 5 years & work out in the shop.) The 3rd person in what has become a bizarre triangle is a guy I'll call "E".
E still lives with his Mom & has anger issues & emotional problems. I think his age is around 30-ish. He likes to bully certain people, especially Mike, who is pretty laid back & just wants to do his job & be left alone. There have been many times that E has ruined Mike's day just by being a jerk. I would tell Mike that E is having one of his insecurity attacks & has to bring people down to make himself feel bigger. E has been a jerk to me, too, but I don't work as close to him, don't have to deal with him as much, I was able to get mad at him walk away from him & ignore him until he apologized. And he alays did. I tried to understand him & his anger issues, tried to still be his friend. We would all sit together in his area at breaks & BS & read the paper. It hasn't always been peaceful, but we've done it for a long time.
And then E started taking Paxil.
At first it was okay. His doctor supposedly told him something about experimenting with the dosage to see what worked best for him, E was pretty open to me about it, I was curious about it.
The bizarre behavior began with Mike. He wanted to talk to Mike during a lunch break before our vacation Nov 11 & apologized for treating him badly, he wants to be friends now, stuff like that. Mike was kind of uncomfortable about it, like how men can be. As time goes on Mike was always telling me something different on the ride home from work, how E was getting paranoid if Mike wasn't talking to him or saying good morning. before it really started to escalate, E offered to take/pick us up at the local airport when we went on vacation last month.
Shortly after that at the break table, it was after a crazy Sunday of football. E was giving me a hard time about the Steelers, but he was really picking on Mike about the Browns squeaking out a win, he kept calling it a scab win & just kept doing it, I was thinking jeez, alright already, shut up. I told him he was sure in fine form today. I could see the look on his face, the malicious look, like he really wanted to get to Mike. I got up & walked away & made the decision not to deal with him anymore. Life is too short to deal with jerks & abusive people, I've given him enough chances to be decent to us over the course of 5 years, I was done with him & his crap. His angry moods. His malicious attacks.
Well my absence at the break table seemed to stress him out. I walk by him a dozen times a day if not more(i have to, unfortunately) & just ignore him. After years of picking on Mike, now he's all paranoid about Mike being his friend! Mike finally snapped & yelled at him, like "get the F away from me, leave me the F alone" sort of thing. E quiets down. For awhile. More or less. Mike works nearby to him & is still uncomfortable.
Last week I was working in another area of the shop & E saw me there & called me out "to talk" outside, next to the building. (there is a door right there) The lady that always works there walked off, it was if he was waiting. I'm thinking "oh great, my turn" He admitted to liking me. He kept getting too close to me. You know how you hate it when people get too close when they talk to you? I didn't like it at all, and he is a big boy, he is around 6'2" & is built pretty strong, too. But the conversation is extremely awkward for me, he asked me what my feeling were for him! I did get to tell him I didn't appreciate being picked on, I wasted 6 years of my life on a verbally abusive man & i don't like him picking on Mike, either. E told me it was because he resents Mike for being with me. Which is a bunch of crap. Mike says he picked on him before I came along. Anyway I kept backing up & mentioned it a few times, he was getting too close, I didn't like it. I kept feeling like he was going to grab me & kiss me or something! The final time I mentioned it, he was like "oh what if I keep doing it" & I just walked away then. I got the heck away from that, I was done, conversation over.
This week it has really escalated. I'm sorry this is so long, I'm actually trying to keep it short, but also have to do some background for you guys.
Anyway, on the ride home from work the other day, Mike told me E approached him again to talk, Mike gave him a "what now" look & E goes into apologetic mode, but there is something he needs to get off his chest. He told Mike he's been in love with me!!!!!!!
Now when Mike told me this, I had to laugh, I had to, it was too much. But it's really not funny, it's getting creepier all along, & now it's stressing us both out. In the meantime, I'm still ignoring E completely.
Yesterday, he came into my work area, which is a closed in room, kind of off by itself. I am instantly in defense mode & angry by now. He sees my body language or something & goes into apologetic mode, but he wanted to give me a letter, & there is a picture with it. I told him in a not so nice way that I'm done with this whole thing, its really freaking me out! he put the letter on one of my tables that i'm standing behind with the picture underneath it & began to back away & I'm in yelling mode by now, the dam has broken & I've had enough. "No more!!!" I yell, then, "I'm sick of this!! NO MORE!" And he leaves. I left the letter there for a long time, not even looking at it. Curious about the picture, but afraid to look. What if it's something nasty? So I finally looked at it about an hour later & see what looks to be a picture of his cat & I started crying. He knows I love cats & we both have kittens from the shop (Shop Cats!) & the sadness of it all just hit me. It took me longer to read the letter, I read a little bit of it & saved the rest for home. But shortly after that episode i went out looking for Mike & he looked at me like he knew what was going on. E had actually asked for permission to give me a letter! It turned out to be a 4 page love letter pouring out his feelings & talking between the lines about me leaving Mike for him!!!!!!!!!
Today I completely ignored him, like I have been doing, not doing anything at all to trigger anykind of episode from E. Mike told me that E looked at him like he wants to kill him & we are actually getting creeped out enough to worry about our personal safety. Like I said, E has had anger/emotional issues & now is on a mind altering drug that has really affected his behavior-we don't know what to expect. I can sense something building, like I did before. Thank God today was friday, but I think that Monday(we work 1/2 a day)something will happen. Holidays can put strange pressures on people that are already unstable, plus our shop is shutting down till the 2nd.
I haven't gone to management. Yet. If I get another episode, I will go to the floor boss. I have 4 pages of hard evidence now. The owner just had major bypass surgery & has been away But there is kind of a problem there. E is very good at what he does, & it's extremely hard to find someone to replace him. The owners love him. But I think the owner's wife knows he is on meds.
Mike & I have been together on this all the way, completely honest with each other about it. I even asked him if he wanted to read the letter, but he doesn't. At least not yet. We both agree that I need to find another job. He also wants to leave, but won't quit & leave me there with E. He is worried about me. I've told 2 other coworkers about it that I am close to. One said he will keep an eye out for me & watch my back, & the other is going to bring in some good job info for me on Monday.(he has also said that my story explains some strange behavior that he has also noticed with E)

Okay...sigh..I hope you guys are still with me, cuz I'd like to hear your thoughts & advice, you're all pretty good at helping with a different perspective!
And thank you for listening!
 

natalie_ca

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You seriously need to go to your boss about this situation.

What that guy is doing is considered harrassment and is against the law.

You can also get a restraining order against him, and I would strongly suggest doing that because he sounds really unstable and has a stalker personality and I have a very strong feeling that he may take this issue out of the plant and onto the streets or even your home.

In the meantime ignore him. Don't sit with him, don't talk to him. If he sits down where you are, get up and go somewhere else. If he tries to talk to you, pretend you don't hear and walk away. Your boy friend should do the exact same thing.
 

MoochNNoodles

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First and foremost, please neither you or your fiancÃ[emoji]169[/emoji]e, do not be alone there! I mean going to your cars, walking in a parking lot, or anything! Keep your cell with you if you have one. I think it's good that you've made some others aware of the situation, but it may be time to let a supervisor know. I hope others will add if they think it's time for that or not.

As far as the rest of it; maybe you can gently and kindly reply back that you are sorry he feels that way, but you do not share his feelings. Ask him if he truly cares for you, to let you be happy and to leave you alone. It sounds like you've already clearly stated that to him, but from what I know when we did sexual harassment training at my last job, you have to be specific in saying "what you are doing is harassment/sexual harassment and I want it to stop now," or something along those lines. It sounds like he is definitely unstable mentally at this point. For that reason, be firm but nice too. Even wrap it in a blankie; "your a nice person but I just don't share your feelings, I'm sure the right person is out there for you." Or something along those lines. (I know that my example is awfully clichÃ[emoji]169[/emoji], but you get my drift right?) In my last job I worked with a lot of people with mental disabilities (mild and severe) and they taught us to point out good, give the bad nicely, point out more good.

I hope you can get things settled, or into a position elsewhere. And that your fiancÃ[emoji]169[/emoji]e can as well. For all of your safety.
 

katiemae1277

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I'm with Linda & LeighAnn, to me this is a very scary situation, E sounds like the type of guy who won't take having his profession of love scorned too well. PLEASE be very careful, do not ever let yourself be alone with him- dos this dude know where you live? Make sure your doors are locked. It might seem like I am over-reacting a bit, but really, you can't be too careful. This guy sounds like a classic sociopath. How awful to be having to go thru this
Let your boss know ASAP
 
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shopcat

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Originally Posted by Natalie_ca

You seriously need to go to your boss about this situation.

What that guy is doing is considered harrassment and is against the law.

You can also get a restraining order against him, and I would strongly suggest doing that because he sounds really unstable and has a stalker personality and I have a very strong feeling that he may take this issue out of the plant and onto the streets or even your home.

In the meantime ignore him. Don't sit with him, don't talk to him. If he sits down where you are, get up and go somewhere else. If he tries to talk to you, pretend you don't hear and walk away. Your boy friend should do the exact same thing.
I'm one more episode away from doing that, no matter how minor the episode is. I'm not sure if it will trigger something else. but I will still do it. Personally it seems to me that Paxil is a dangerous drug altering the mind of what may be a large, dangerous man. This is the kind of stuff you see on the news, emotionally disturbed men with medication situations that kill people! He has never visited us at home, but he knows where we live. We are so freaked out that I've told Mike if E ever "drops by" I am getting my gun. Florida laws are pretty good about stalkers & situations where you feel your life is in danger. But yes, I've been totally ignoring E for weeks now. I will keep doing it even though it seems to really be triggering more weird behavior. I wish I could tell him to see his doctor, or tell someone, because this all really started since he's been on Paxil.
 

gardenandcats

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You and your boy friend are both in a very dangerous position.E as you have described him is a classic stalker who could very well be very dangerous..It does no good to talk to or try to reason with this type of a personality disorder.. He is living in a fantasy world.
I myself would be very very concerned for myself and my boy friends safety.A restraining order rarely does much good if they are going to harm you.
You and your boy friend need to quickly find new jobs! Please do not turn your back on this guy.Use all precations to guard yourself.Make sure you or your Bf are never in a position to be alone with him. Not just at work also be aware at home. I'm sure he knows where you live.
You do have a very good reason to be concerned. Please do everything possible to find new jobs.And keep your guard up. Make sure all your co workers are aware of whats going on so they also can keep a eye out for you..
 

kittee

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Wow reading this post has me scared for you!

Who knows what this guy can or will do to either you or Mike! I would honestly talk to your boss ASAP on Monday and bring the note and the picture. Go from there, and if you see that creep anywhere out side of work I would call the cops and tell them the entire story. You need to have this on record in case (god forbid) something happens!!!!!
 

carolpetunia

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You can't just ignore him. He wants your attention, and ignoring him might make him decide to do something drastic to get it.

The first thing I would do is check with the police to find out whether E has a criminal record. If he does, you'll want to ask the police to advise you on how to handle all this.

But if he doesn't have any history of violence, then I think you and Mike might want to talk to him together, quietly and informally, right there at the break table at work. You could tell E that you're flattered, but you just don't feel the same way toward him. You could say that you and Mike have talked about it, and "we" really want to go back to the way things were when you all got along together. (Don't emphasize how committed you are to Mike -- if he's really crazy, that might make him think of doing Mike in!)

I think if it goes well, that conversation might help E stay calm for awhile, to forestall any immediate danger -- but then you and Mike both need to get out of that place as fast as you can!

And if the conversation doesn't go well, then maybe you could both immediately take whatever vacation time you have coming and spend it finding new jobs... or just waiting to see if E settles down.

Or you could talk to your boss. Maybe the company could find a legitimate reason to let E go that wouldn't make him think you and Mike had anything to do with it.

Please try very hard not to be alone with E. And maybe you should get some pepper spray, or one of those siren devices, and keep it on you at all times. Mike, too.

Be careful!
 

krazy kat2

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You and your fiancee are in danger. It is not going to change as long as he can see you every day. Management needs to be told, and a police report wouldn't hurt, either. Having a stalker is the scariest thing you can imagine, short of actually being attacked. I was nice to a guy that worked in the same hospital as me, and that did I did not share his feelings. It escalated to the point that he would bring me things from my house and act like it was a big joke when he returned them. He brought me my alarm clock and that scared me to the point of leaving a good job.
Then it got bad.
I woke up with him standing over me watching me sleep. I pretended to be asleep, and rolled over where I could reach my gun, and lay there, terrified until I heard him leave. I took out the restraining order the next day. He left the job, and I never saw him again. I wonder how many times he did that before I caught him. I never found out how he got in. I shudder to think what could have happened.
Please don't let this nutcase hurt either one of you before you take action. This is a serious thing, and will not get better until something is done or he does something. He will not just stop because you do not share his feelings, and someone that crazy would go after your fiancee first. In his mind that would leave you free to be with him.
 

kittee

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Originally Posted by krazy kat2

I woke up with him standing over me watching me sleep. I pretended to be asleep, and rolled over where I could reach my gun, and lay there, terrified until I heard him leave.
And thats where I would have shot him. Not to kill perhaps but shot him all the same. Right where it hurts.

HOW CREEPY! How in the world did you handle him bringing you things out of your house then waking up with him next to you bed. Holy horrifying heck!
 

calico2222

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First thing, go to your boss or supervisor and make them aware of the situation. I wouldn't wait for one more episode, especially after the way he talked to you outside, getting closer and closer! That would be enough for me. Especially now since you have written proof. You don't have to ask to have in fired or anything, just make them aware of what is going on. Can you and Mike get on a different shift than him? If possible, that might help. It may be more inconvient for you but it would probably be safer. He definitely doesn't sound stable.

Also, I would log a formal complaint with the police. Explain to them that he hasn't done anything illegal...yet, but you want to have it ON RECORD that he has done this. Right now, there isn't anything they can do to stop him, but at least you will have that on file.

I always thought Paxil was for depression, not agression issues. I know it helped my mom cope after my dad died, but obviously it isn't for everyone.

Please be careful!
 

sweets

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Originally Posted by CarolPetunia

You can't just ignore him. He wants your attention, and ignoring him might make him decide to do something drastic to get it.

The first thing I would do is check with the police to find out whether E has a criminal record. If he does, you'll want to ask the police to advise you on how to handle all this.

But if he doesn't have any history of violence, then I think you and Mike might want to talk to him together, quietly and informally, right there at the break table at work. You could tell E that you're flattered, but you just don't feel the same way toward him. You could say that you and Mike have talked about it, and "we" really want to go back to the way things were when you all got along together. (Don't emphasize how committed you are to Mike -- if he's really crazy, that might make him think of doing Mike in!)
First, the police are not going to tell you if E has a record. Privacy laws prevent that. A lawyer could find out, but they can't tell someone who just walks in off the street. There are websites you can check tho, if you are willing to pay their price.


Or you could talk to your boss. Maybe the company could find a legitimate reason to let E go that wouldn't make him think you and Mike had anything to do with it.
You need to first talk to E. Do not accept anything more from him and do not ignore him anymore. If he approaches you, remind him that you do not want to be involved with him, not even as a friend. Let him know your next step is to discuss his behavior with your supervisor.

See if someone who works with you can find out the name of his doctor. I would then inform the doctor that E has not reacted well with Paxil. Give him a photocopy of the letter and a synopsis of E's behavior.

Good luck. Make sure you and Mike make a diary of everything E has done and said. Without documentation other than the letter, your case becomes your word against his.
 

MoochNNoodles

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I'm going to agree with everyone on filing a complaint with the police so you have record. And remember, your conversation with any management should be confidential by law. I'll second the comment that focusing on your commitment to your fiancee when you talk may only focus his agression and attention on him!

Meds react different with each person, and really a doctor isn't the one who actually sees how it affects you. They go by what you tell them or what your family tells them, if you let your family that is. I've seen the slightest tweaking of medication throw someone off balance good. I've even had to write letters to someone's doctors (at their request) to tell the doctor what we, the people who saw them all day every day, saw going on. Please be very careful. Get pepper spray, a siren, etc as suggested. I wouldn't wait for 'one more' occurance. He's crossed the line already; and with someone this unstable, don't risk it.
 

bonnie1965

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I haven't read all the replies yet so hope I am not repeating anything.

First, Paxil won't make someone looney. It is an antidepressant and many, many people take it to feel better. From what I understood, this E was harrassing/troubled before he started any type of treatment. True, some drugs, if administered incorrectly, can cause adverse reactions.

Second, it is not your job to make the working environment pleasant for this guy. You are not his relative or his doctor or his counselor. From your post, I see you as trying too hard to help this person.

Third, AFTER you told him you weren't interested he still gives you a love note after asking permission from your PARTNER? This person is not firing on all cylinders and needs serious help. You cannot give him that help. He is a sad, potentially dangerous, situation waiting to happen.

I wonder why you have waited so long to draw management's attention to this. You and your partner deserve a healthy, stable, safe work environment. This is anything but.

I would suggest writing down everything you can remember about what E has done, make copies (of the letter, too). Put one copy someplace safe, report him to the management and then the police if something isn't done in a short period of time - such as a week or so. No long, drawn-out waiting-for-him-to-change stuff. They need to fix this now. He will not change without intense help.

Please let us know how this goes. Sending out many safety vibes for you and your partner.
 

KittenKrazy

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Originally Posted by Bonnie1965

First, Paxil won't make someone looney. It is an antidepressant and many, many people take it to feel better. From what I understood, this E was harrassing/troubled before he started any type of treatment. True, some drugs, if administered incorrectly, can cause adverse reactions.
Actually, have "been there, done that" with Paxil, and my husband has with another antidepressant, they're not all the same for every person, and if his actions have increased/worsened since starting it, his doctor also needs to know so he can change his meds to something different, that works in a different way (I wish I still had a couple of links that a friend gave me several years ago about Paxil causing terrible anger and even murderous rage in some people). Am definitely in agreement about the danger level here, you guys be careful!
 

kaylacat

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Please tell your boss as soon as possible! This guy sounds like he is a ticking time bomb just waiting to go off.
It would be best to change jobs so he can't find you, but maybe letting your boss and co-workers know would at least help a little until you do.

I would file a complaint with the police (as others have said) and while you are there doing that, ask them about getting permission to carry a tazer ( a lisence, permit, and classes on how to use one, whatever you need to be allowed to carry one), plus a thing of mase to carry on your key chain. It would probably be a good idea to sleep with something to protect yourself near by too.

Better safe than sorry! I would also change my phone number to unlisted and if you can afford it (I know alot of people can't), it might also be a good idea to get an alarm system on your house in case he decides to do something.

It sounds like he is a very unstable person and I would hate to have anything happen to you or your fiance.
Please make sure you don't walk outside alone at night time....or anywhere where people wouldn't be able to hear your calls for help if he ends up following you somewhere.



My mom used to have a stalker. He would drive by our house at all hours of the day and night, park near our house or on the next block for hours watching, leave things in my moms car and once he even made his way into our house to try to fight with my brother. He *still* calls our house at times... even though our number had been changed, is unlisted and we have had no contact with him.



Oh, I also wanted to add that I have been taking paxil for around a year or so now and its never made me want to act like that or make me aggressive. It has helped me alot...I am glad that it is actually helping me.

Could it be possible that he has the perscriptions but just isn't taking them?
 

goldenkitty45

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This is scary. E sounds like a person that could easily go over the edge and do physical harm to you and to Mike. Both and and Mike need to sit down with your boss and explain what's going on. This is serious - its not something you should be trying to handle by yourself.

The way that E treats/looks at Mike and the "love letter" to you tells me this guy could easily put Mike in the hospital or kill him if he decides he really wants you - whether or not you want him.

And I might even consider you and Mike finding another job as soon as you can. Sad thing is that if you leave or if E leaves, then this stuff could happen to someone else that E decides he "loves"!
 

lillekat

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Floor boss and the police asap!! I'm sorry but this guy is just too much. I would never have had the same patience that you have, but if you are really fearing for your safety like this, then it's best to let it be known. They have to do something to sort this out - I don't understand why they would have hired someone with such mental problems in the first place if it was possible he could become a danger to himself or others - especially in a sheet metal fabrication shop, where there are any number of objects that could easily become weapons in the hands of someone in a fit of rage. He's not safe and ideally he needs to be removed from the situation altogether. Failing that, it should be you two that leave. You are really sitting on an unexploded bomb here and you definitely should not be having to handle this by yourselves.

If it were me, I would be looking for new jobs where E will not know where you are - if he is fired from this company, that could also send him over the edge, especially if he puts two and two together and makes five. If he sees it as entirely your fault that the company don't want him around, then there is real cause for concern.

Get out, get safe.
 

carolpetunia

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Originally Posted by Sweets

First, the police are not going to tell you if E has a record. Privacy laws prevent that.
Oh my gosh, you're probably right -- the one time I had to do that, it was my cousin, the assistant police chief (at that time), so I guess he was bending that rule for me. Sheesh. I'm not sure a criminal record is something that deserves privacy protection...
 
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