Bizarre Situation At Work! Help? (Looooong post)

Originally Posted by CarolPetunia

You can't just ignore him. He wants your attention, and ignoring him might make him decide to do something drastic to get it.

The first thing I would do is check with the police to find out whether E has a criminal record. If he does, you'll want to ask the police to advise you on how to handle all this.

But if he doesn't have any history of violence, then I think you and Mike might want to talk to him together, quietly and informally, right there at the break table at work. You could tell E that you're flattered, but you just don't feel the same way toward him. You could say that you and Mike have talked about it, and "we" really want to go back to the way things were when you all got along together. (Don't emphasize how committed you are to Mike -- if he's really crazy, that might make him think of doing Mike in!)


Be careful!

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I was thinking the exact same thing. I honestly would talk with the police and find out what you can about this guy. This sounds like something you hear on a tv movie, and usually that doesnt end well. there are places online you can check and see if E has ever been to prison and such. Florida may be a VINE state which means you would have to call an 800 number to check. Well i will check now and see, i have the links saved. http://www.dc.state.fl.us/InmateInfo/InmateInfoMenu.asp this website should help if he has ever been in prison or on prarole etc. but always check with the local police, its a matter of public record and they should be able to tell you within a few minutes if he has a dangerous past. If you need links for other state lookups let me know, i should have them saved. Having the evidence you do should be enough to get a protection order, but its only good if the police will enforce it, and only you know how effective your local police are. I would honestly look into things before you decide to take any drastic steps.

I would agree with all the advice that everyone has given you.
Does he know where you live, phone # etc???? I would be concerned if he starts contacting you/Mike away from work.

With your boss and mgmt-you need to address that while E might be a good co-worker they might be losing two other employees due to this circumstance. Then what does E do-find another person to shift his attention to?? Mgmt needs to make the right decision for everyone involved.

Are their any witnesses to these events??

Stay safe please.

I'm not sure if other towns do this but here in Indiana you can go down to the courthouse and they have computers for public use.
You can put in his name and these things ARE public record.
I can go and look up anyones local criminal history.
You should be able to do the same.
I would look into it the next business day that they are open.
This guy definitely sounds dangerous and you need to seriously watch your back and Mike's.

Wow! Thank you to everyone who replied with concern for us! I'll have to let Mike read this thread.
Both Mike & E have been working there years before I came along, when the shop was under different ownership, we have been kind of a group before this all happened & have even gone out drinking together with some other people as friends, but it's been quite awhile since we've done that, one of the guys quit.
Once during a night out I witnessed something about E that disturbed me enough to make me cry-although I can't remember what he was upset about, but he burned himself on his hand with a cigarette! Confirming my suspicion that he was/is a self mutilator. He was emotional about something & just ground it into the back of his hand.
From what I've seen, he isn't good with women, he still lives with his Mom & may be a bit of a Momma's boy & gets really defensive about it. From what I've heard, his biological father had mental problems, too.
There was one girl that worked in the office quite awhile back that he was involved with, I don't know the whole story behind that but think that she ended it & he went into the office & called her the C word & was an angry, immature jerk & got her fired. the owners love this guy. They don't know who he is, Mike & I do.
I can look up his name on a county website & see if he has a record but something tells me he's a homebody & probably prefers to sit in his room & stew in his own poison.
Also, Mike told me the other day that he noticed a hole in the men's bathroom wall like somebody punched it, mentioned this to another guy who said it's been there a couple of weeks. Around the time when Mike yelled at E to leave him alone. Nobody else in the shop really seems to have that punch the wall mentality. We all make a living with our hands, we don't make efforts to hurt them on purpose!
Someone mentioned that Paxil can cause rage issues, I wonder if it's because there was so much rage already there?
And also, if I saw him standing over me at night to watch me sleep & could reach my gun, I'd have to shoot him! (Florida law permits that) That would be so creepy, that is one of my biggest fears in the world is waking up to that. I think my heart would explode.
And to answer another post, someone did kind of see us talking behind the building-because i kept backing up, I moved across the doorway & the lady in that department saw us. I will talk to her on Monday about what she did see & hear-she knew it upset me, but i didn't tell her why.
I was thinking of emailing E with some kind of response but am not sure if he would get it.
I'll have to get back with more later when I have more computer time, things are kind of backed up around here, I need to get busy!

I was on Paxil once and I can say without a single doubt that Paxil CAN seriously affect your mental stability.

I got SUPER paranoid, obsessive, and just whacked out in general. It sent me way way over the edge. And *I* didn't notice a thing!

One day I just decided I didn't like taking the little pills anymore and stopped.

That day everyone in my life started telling me what a huge difference there was. That they had been getting scared of me and for me. Even my fiance at the time was like thank GOD I was trying to figure out a way to get you to stop taking that junk! That is NOT a drug meant for you!

So it might be harmless for some folks but for other folks it can flat out change you big time.

As for your situation, I agree with everyone else. Tell the supervisor, get a restraining order, and then find a new job. In that order.

Don't e-mail E or do anything more till you talk with the boss, the police and Mike. Its too dangerous - you don't know when he will snap!

Originally Posted by GoldenKitty45

Don't e-mail E or do anything more till you talk with the boss, the police and Mike. Its too dangerous - you don't know when he will snap!

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Yes, and any communication with him could be construed as "encouragement," not only by him, but by the boss or police or the courts.

I totally agree, contacting him is a bad idea. I would contact the boss and police first, ask them what steps should be taken. And please for your sake and Mikes, be carefull. Dont answer the door to him for any reason, no matter how much he pleads, threatens or begs. And try to never go out alone anywhere. If this guy is as bad as it sounds, he could be capable of anything. The worst thing you could do is "incourage him" and blow all your chances of protection under the law. you need to have all this on record in case something did happen, the police would at least have a heads up on the situation. If they knew of the situation and you ever had to call them in an emergency, they would already know to hurry that much faster because of the potential danger.

btw i was on Paxil when i was younger, it didnt have those effects on me, it just gave me headaches whenever i would start getting depressed. But meds effect everyone different, he could be having a bad reaction to it and dont realize it.

Yep, I agree with you guys, I don't feel right about sending an email or I would have done it already. I talked to an ex co-worker that is also close to E about it on the phone today & he said to be careful-E has confessed the same to him, & has acted suicidal in the past before Paxil.
Back to work tomorrow for a half day, I'm going to talk to the boss after hours about it unless something happens before that.

This is a situation that could potentially become very dangerous for you and Mike. You have a man with known emotional/anger issues, that is on medication that seems to be altering his personality, and he has strong feelings for you. It's a recipe for disaster. You really need to talk to the management about the problem, and if they fire him (which they really should), then you should also get a restraining order against him. In the mean time really try to stay away from him, and keep someone with you at all times while at work. Mike should also be careful, he already resents him because he's with you, he could snap and try to do something to get Mike out of the picture. I really hope that your able to get all of this sorted out safely. That's such a scary/creepy situation to be in.

Originally Posted by ShopCat

Yep, I agree with you guys, I don't feel right about sending an email or I would have done it already. I talked to an ex co-worker that is also close to E about it on the phone today & he said to be careful-E has confessed the same to him, & has acted suicidal in the past before Paxil.
Back to work tomorrow for a half day, I'm going to talk to the boss after hours about it unless something happens before that.

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Personally I wouldn't worry about his suicidal side. I'd be more worried about YOUR safety.

I really fear that if he perceives that you and Mike are behind his firing, no restraining order will keep him away. That's why I hope you can keep the two issues (his job and his relationship with you two) separate in his mind... but I kinda doubt it can be done.

The law generally insists that he has to "do something" before action can be taken, but maybe what you've already experienced will be enough. I hope you get a sympathetic police officer!