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The Lost X Files Christmas episode

post #1 of 16
Thread Starter 
Lost X Files Christmas episode "Christmas Santa"

Mulder: We're too late. It's already been here.

Scully: Mulder, I hope you know what you are doing.

Mulder: Look, Scully, just like the other homes: Douglas fir,
truncated, mounted, transformed into some sort of shrine; halls decked
with boughs of holly; stockings hung by the chimney, with care.

Scully: You really think someone's been here?

Mulder: Someone or some thing.

Scully: Mulder, over here--it's fruitcake.

Mulder: Don't touch it! Those things can be lethal.

Scully: It's O.K. There's a note attached: "Gonna find out who's
naughty and nice."

Mulder: It's judging them, Scully. It's making a list.

Scully: Who? What are you talking about?

Mulder: Ancient mythology tells of an obese humanoid entity who could
travel at great speed in a craft powered by antlered servants. Once
each year, near the winter solstice, this creature is said to descend
from the heavens to reward its followers and punish its disbelievers
with jagged chunks of anthracite.

Scully: But that's legend, Mulder--a story told by parents to frighten
children. Surely, you don't believe it?

Mulder: Something was here tonight, Scully. Check out the bite marks on
this gingerbread man. Whatever tore through this plate of cookies was
massive -- and in a hurry.

Scully: It left crumbs everywhere. And look, Mulder, this milk glass
has been completely drained.

Mulder: It gorged itself, Scully. It fed without remorse.

Scully: But why would they leave it milk and cookies?

Mulder: Appeasement. Tonight is the Eve, and nothing can stop its

Scully: But if this thing does exist, how did it get in? The doors and
windows were locked. There's no sign of forced entry.

Mulder: Unless I miss my guess, it came through the fireplace.

Scully: Wait a minute, Mulder. If you are saying some huge creature
landed on the roof and came down the chimney, you're crazy. The flue is
barely six inches wide. Nothing could get through there.

Mulder: But what if it could alter its shape, move in all directions.

Scully: You mean, like a bowl full of jelly?

Mulder: Exactly. Scully, I've never told anyone this, but when I was a
child my home was visited. I saw the creature. It had long white strips
of fur surrounding its ruddy, misshapen head. Its bloated torso was red
and white. I'll never forget the horror. I turned away, and when I
looked back it had somehow taken on the facial features of my father.

Scully: Impossible.

Mulder: I know what I saw. And that night it read my mind. It brought
me a Mr. Potato Head, Scully. IT KNEW I WANTED A MR. POTATO HEAD.

Scully: I'm sorry, Mulder, but you're asking me to disregard the laws
of physics. You want me to believe in some supernatural being who soars
across the skies and brings gifts to good little girls and boys. Listen
to what you are saying. Do you understand the repercussions? If this
gets out, they'll close the X-files.

Mulder: Scully, listen to me: It knows when you are sleeping. It knows
when you're awake.

Scully: But we have no proof.

Mulder: Last year, on this exact date, S.E.T.I. radio telescopes
detected bogeys in the airspace over twenty-seven states. The White
House ordered a Condition Red.

Scully: But that was a meteor shower.

Mulder: Officially. Two days ago, eight prized Scandinavian reindeer
vanished from the National Zoo in Washington, D.C. Nobody - not even
the zookeeper - was told about it. The government doesn't want people
to know about Project Kringle. They fear that if this thing is proved
to exist, then the public would stop spending half its annual income in
a holiday shopping frenzy. Retail markets will collapse. Scully, they
cannot let the world believe this creature lives. There's too much at
stake. They'll do whatever it takes to insure another silent night.

Scully: Mulder, I -- Scully: On the roof. It sounds like . . . a

Mulder: The truth is up there. Let's see what's the matter...
post #2 of 16
That is funny
post #3 of 16
Very good! Very Good!
post #4 of 16
...oh my!... I use to be fan of X-files too!...thanks for share!
post #5 of 16
Best episode yet!!! I was getting into that!!
post #6 of 16
That was GREAT! Did you write it? Just excellently done...
post #7 of 16
Ooh, that's great! lol. I will have to show this to my fellow X-files fans..
post #8 of 16
post #9 of 16
My gosh, that was great! lol
post #10 of 16
post #11 of 16
That's was great! Thank you!
post #12 of 16
That is awesome! I was a HUGE "X-Phile" so I clicked on this thread immediately! Very funny!! I can actually visualize that "episode".
post #13 of 16
Thread Starter 
I didn't write this one, just passed it along. My DW told me it was something I'd write about, if I had thought of the concept.
post #14 of 16
That was funny. I used to love watching X files.
post #15 of 16
They really should have made an episode on that, that would have been great!
post #16 of 16
OMG I love it
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